I could have used reams of paper on this story of the opening night of the Republican National Convention what with John Boehner repeatedly throwing our President out of his bar (that was sold 6 years ago). Yes, Boehner said if Barack came to ‘his’ bar, we’d throw him out for assorted political offenses. But no more about this and the other dumb propaganda, mostly from radical governors. Politicus will cover that well. Instead, I am going to essentially limit my musings to the Ann Romney “love” speech.
Hold on! I hear a rumbling throughout the crowd. A buzz. A sparkle of anticipation. “It’s a Bird; it’s a Plane; it’s ANN ROMNEY!!! And there she was standing in front of the crowd, immaculately lit and botoxed and plasticized to a point that would make Joan Rivers blush. I say that, because she has the dough to preserve herself with the latest face-smoothing and lifting techniques and the ladies she’s trying to convince are her soul sisters clearly do not. Ann Romney has about as much in common with her female convention audience as I do with a Cypress tree. But here goes.
For pure corn syrup, the Ann Romney speech was a masterpiece. I’m just like you dear sisters. You’ve all had blind trusts in Switzerland and assorted other exotic foreign venues – right? You’ve got big ole’ houses sprinkled all over the land, right? Your husband spends most of his waking hours figuring out how to avoid paying taxes on millions of dollars, right? And your men are worth hundreds and millions (or so) and surely you’ve all got two Caddies and a car elevator and jumping horses and such – right?
But it was a mom (“tonight we sing your praises”) and soap opera, feel good speech about family and husband. “He still makes me laugh.” Hell, he still makes ME laugh. Every time he dreams up a new excuse not to release his taxes. And every time he tells his audience what a great steward of the economy and job creator he’ll be. This from a guy who made his living severely leveraging (on borrowed money) troubled companies, fiddling around with them; sometimes saving them, sometimes costing every job and often sending the whole kit and caboodle overseas or shutting them down for good – that’s always good for a laugh.
She threw in the obligatory hardscrabble existence of her Welsh granddaddy and the early description of life with her business school hubby living in a basement for 2 years as students with ‘no’ income (a little white lie about to be debunked in a few sentences).. A 1994 interview with the Boston Globe paints a fuller picture of those times. There was indeed a basement and it was tiny and Ann covered the cement floor (“I didn’t have money to carpet the floor”) with carpet remnants. OMG. Boo hoo; boo hoo! Here’s the kicker for all you female Romney lovers. Ann goes on to say that neither one of them had a job because Mitt was given ‘a few thousand’ shares of American Motors stock by his dad, who headed the company, and they cashed some in from time to time.
That stock appreciated from 6 bucks a share to 96 clams per, so things just got better and better for the young couple. That makes this couple in their early to mid-20′s already worth $200-$300 grand. And this was in the early 70′s where that was a goodly amount of dough for any couple or family. And don’t forget, Ann’s pappy was a pretty wealthy dude in his own right.
She then talks about moving eastward to Hahvahd and instead of a niggling $62 a month, rents were going for $400. It was then that Mitt hit up Pa for 40 grand to buy a house. I wonder where all that other money went in a period of just 2 years? Anywhooo – they bought the house, paid a nominal mortgage and sold it for 90K. Ann praises her husband’s business acumen, but this was one of those real estate periods when you could have tripled you money on a chicken coop. A friend of mine invested in the Near North section of Chicago at about that time. He’d marginally fixed up his purchases and ended up a millionaire.
But enough real-estate envy. Let’s get back to the business at hand. The Republican hope that a maybe-billionaire, 63-year-old painted lady who has lived the life of every wish fulfilled and enough money to buy whatever she wanted from an early age, could somehow represent Joan Q. Mom.
“Tonight, I want to talk to you about love – love of a man I met at a dance and love of country and children and children’s children and our brothers and sisters.” Or something like that. I was bent over upchucking and didn’t hear the whole thing verbatim. At least I was about to be highly entertained. Admittedly, she does have 5 kids and enough grandkids to fill Yankee Stadium. That’s 18 at last count, but I heard one of her sons was on a romantic cruise. Could be 19 by the time the conventions over.
Work with me here. That’s 23 kids and grandkids and both the Romney’s are campaigning throughout America and the troops live all over the place. Do you really think they have much quality time for 5 kids and 18 grandkids? Neither do I. Ann has her own business now. She’s part owner of at least one horse, Rafalca, that trains for national dressage competitions or whatever the horsy set calls them. Raffy couldn’t crack the top 18 in the recent Olympics, so was thrown out of the event early and unheralded. Current TV’s Cenk Uygur discovered that Ann received a $77,000 tax credit for this under-performing nag. Sound familiar all you Romney soul sisters? What kind of tax credit did you receive for your dressage horse?
Romney received her longest and loudest acclaim for declaring in code that “we have a real marriage.” When in homophobia land, do as the homophobes do. It was the highlight of the evening for the hateful hets. It was the embarrassment of the evening for me and all other Americans, who naively believe America is for all the people. For Republicans, it’s clearly not.
At speeches end, she sprinkled Mitt Romney platitudes throughout the Tampa Convention Center. “You can trust Mitt.” Unless you’re the IRS, of course, or were employed with a company Mitt and Bain had their greedy, covetous eyes on. Then, as a worker, you couldn’t trust Mitt, any further than John Boehner and his bar buddies could throw him.
She also ended by saying, “he still makes me laugh.” He still makes me laugh too, Ann. You make me laugh and the radically pathetic state of the Republican Party makes me laugh…and cry!





Sally
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Oh my. I can’t bear to watch any of this lie, so I read what I can stand. I thought the Palin lies and subsequent hate rallies were bad in 2008. Now not only is everyone with an R after their name participating, they have gone so far as to attacke Democrats for not playing nice. I guess when you have gotten away with these abominabloe tactics for two decades, it must seem an affront to be finally at last, called out for the lying greedy SOBs that you are. Especially by the black guy who beats your a**es daily. (or as my fatehr inlaw calls him , “the brown one.”) But no, there is not a smidgeon of racism from the right. I mean, I’m sure the nut throwers were liberal plants, right?
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GOP Basher
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Yes, it must be very hard to be stay at home mom when your husband is worth $250 million and you own “a couple of Cadillacs.” Comparing her experience of “hard work” raising 5 boys (who are all over the age of 30) as a millionaire to regular women, most of whom don’t have a choice in staying home to raise their children and don’t have butlers, chauffeurs, nannies, maids, helping them out. Cry me a f*****g river. Mitt and Ann shit dijon mustard.
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Rocky in texas said...
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Us People…
The Small Minded Ones…
Demand 2 C Tax Returns…
Complete Tax Returns…
Then, the Romney’s can C how Us Skinny Minded People will refuse to vote for…
Tax Frauds.
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Thomas Aiech
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Good grief! At last count Ayn Romney has garnered an estimated 36 extra votes for her Flubby, er Hubby Mittens Rummy. She came across as an uppity “effete individual” and an “impudent snob” as Dick Nixon’s VP Spiro Agnew used to say. No amount of botox will cover up the fact that she is totally irrelevant to the middle class and has no idea what many in the country are going through. But, the repugs thought it was a great speach. We will remember her for two things, her “you people” comment she made when trying to deflect the release of their taxes and most recently when talking to latinos the phrase “your biases” in relation to their most always voting the big “D”.
No matter how you slice it she is totally irrelevant to this election. Come to think of it, so is Mittens and Ryan, a.k.a “Vulture” and “Voucher”.
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D. W. Skinner
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 9:40 pm
she could argue with a can of Spam and the Spam would win.
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Sue Doherty
Aug. 29th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Thanks for a very funny column on a maddening topic! The Romney’s lies and arrogance are not funny at all, but it does help to see you poke fun at them. I wanted to share a potential theme song for Mrs. Romney with you, “Just an Old-Fashioned Girl” sung by Eartha Kitt. Here’s the link, I’m not sure it will show up but it’s on YouTube for interested folks: http://youtu.be/UeRSqekHh1g
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Tiffany From Canada
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 12:30 am
America economy will not get better if they don’t start taxing the right people. If republicans take power, America economy will get worst like Europe. A lot of Americans are beginning to move to Canada since their own government will not provide health coverage for them and the wealthy ones refusing to pay the right tax to accommodate their government spending.
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Callie
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 1:44 am
Ann Romney’s lies in her speech didn’t annoy me so much as her condescension to women, who she “loves”, because it’s “the moms and the wives” who understand caring for sick parents and making ends meet. Well, f#ck you Ann, I’m not a wife or a mom but I certainly understand the stress of caring for a sick parent, and emergency room trips with my handicapped brother, and the difficulty of paying those bills and I don’t need your “love”, I need to know that there are programs in place for my family.
Ann’s condescending “love” for all the moms and wives (which doesn’t include single women like me) does nothing to alleviate my fears that her husband & his running mate will change medicare into a voucher system that will cost thousands of $$ that my father can’t afford and will come out of MY savings and retirement fund. Ann’s condescending “love” for women does nothing to alleviate my complete terror that her husband & his running mate’s pledge to cut Medicaid will leave my handicapped brother, whose part time job does not provide insurance, without healthcare coverage and without which he will not survive.
Ann’s lies are actually minor in comparison to the lies being spewed by her husband, his running mate, and the rest of their party. It’s the condescending attitude of a woman who grew up in privilege, married into privilege, has never had to fear going without something for longer than the 3 day transaction time it takes her broker to transfer a stock sale into her account, and her attempt at pretending to understand the fears and difficulties that the rest of us experience that is the most galling.
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SinghX
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 7:30 am
Bravo, Dennis…well done!
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patsy decline
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 8:10 am
====dearest Ann–toinette,when discussing your struggles and diet of tuna…it would have been nice of you to thank the el salvadoran death squa
ds and their seed money for your ticket out of tuna town…and then of course who could not hold you in awww for your valiant struggles and selfless hard work of using that blood money to buy companies destroy them, gut their value, grabbing the pensions and kicking 1000′s to the curb…so then you could rig your iras to get millions of tax free dollars for you and your children…and then hold those who were the beneficiaries of your selfless humanity in contempt…yes that there is some everyday struggles… of a sociopath
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Dan
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 11:14 am
Must have been pretty rough going to college and living off of 300K back in Archie Bunkers America. Especially with the Vietnam war going on and all. Lucky for them Mitt was a coward like his buddy’s Ted Nugent, Dick Cheney, and Rush Limbaugh.
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Jim Faubel
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 12:27 pm
This was Ann’s version of Clinton’s “I feel your pain” speech which didn’t come off as believable to most folks, especially women.
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Katherine Hamilton
Aug. 30th, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Ann Romney – the least valuable arrow in Mitt’s quiver. He needs to muzzle that woman, before she totally tanks his 2016 Prez. bid – cause he sure as sunrise isn’t winning this one.
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Bob Doyle
Aug. 31st, 2012 at 9:35 pm
The pesentation MRS. Romney gave of herself identified her base character. Thank You Anne of Bloomfeild, you have done well for yourself.
We the People now know who you are. Good Luck with that .
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