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Red State Secession Would Be a Dream Come True for the Rest of America

more from Hrafnkell Haraldsson
Friday, November, 16th, 2012, 9:43 am

Don’t tell me you haven’t fantasized about it even a little. That some teensy weensy little part of you would not just like to say to Texas, or to another Southern state of your choice, “Fine. Go. We admit it. 1861 was a mistake and we are undoing it now.”

Think about it: All this talk about secession is literally a Dixie redux: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas.

They lost. Now they want out.

Who knew an already great election outcome could get even better?

An early Christmas?

It goes like this: Squeeze. Dump. Sigh of relief.

Some Texans have really gotten a chubby from this secession talk:

It’s no like there would not be benefits for the rest of us. Not only would we get rid of a bunch of hateful bigots (along the way, putting the Southern Poverty Law Center out of business) but we’d help the U.S. economy.

As we have pointed out here on PoliticusUSA frequently, it is the very states entertaining secessionist dreams who suck up our federal dollars, while those of us content to stay provide those dollars. It would be a big weight off all our chests – not to mention our collective psyches – to just let these people go.

Of course, they would want to continue their federal subsidies – which they loudly complain about – so in actuality, we would likely be no better off. As Media Matters point out, secession would create what the Washington Post’s Dana Milbank called a “Confederacy of Takers.”

It is enough to make you fall over laughing. I mean, we’ve seen some grotesque levels of absolute cluelessness from conservatives this Election Cycle but golly, do they stop to think anything out before they start throwing tantrums?

I think little kids actually do a better job with consequences.

But then – and tell me you feel me here – who can deny that the vision of a South drifting away on a sea of obscurity is not an attractive one? They could teach evolution and ignore global warming and generally fall prey to whatever rampant plagues come upon them, while they pray for deliverance.

Fires. Floods. Hurricanes. All sent from God.

I can’t imagine what cognitive dissonance would dictate as ocean levels rose and confronted their belief that God promised he would never flood us humans out again.

But it’s an entertaining image.

Of course, we would have to build a big wall. That goes without saying. We wouldn’t want these folks sneaking back across the border to, like Sarah Palin, enjoy our forbidden socialized medical care. We could have a moat- a suggestion of one of their own, after all – and fill it with crocodiles. Have to have an electrified fence.

Of course, after a generation or two, they might not be able to read the warning signs, and if they did, they would no longer believe in electricity in any case. They would think it was God striking them dead when they tried to climb over.

No. God doesn’t want you in the north.

Neither do we.

We would have to have citizen posses to round them up, no doubt. Maybe we could get some washed up movie stars to help out. Build a big tent city to keep them in. Don’t tell me you’re not familiar with it, Republicans. It was your idea. You thought it was a great idea when it was full of Mexicans.

And wars! How will a dream of endless war fare in a land without cash? Will the New Confederacy be able to field an army beyond bands of right-wing militias? Or will they perhaps privatize war as well?

What we have here is a bunch of angry white people who can’t live with the fact of a black president. Nobody cared how corrupt or incompetent George W. Bush was (and he was plenty of both) but you get a moderate Democrat in there, who just happens to be black, and suddenly DC is a nest of corruption, as this conservative blogger says.

WAIT … We can’t ALL secede, we need to remove Washington DC and it’s pestilence. All of DC AND the UN.

Oh, that’s right…the UN and their Soviet-era mind control devices. Yeah…we gotta do something about that. Has it occurred to anyone that if the Soviets had had mind-control devices the Cold War would have ended very differently, with Reagan licking Gorbachev’s boots?

This same blogger trumpeted a couple of days ago that “White House ‘secede’ petitions reach 675,000 signatures, 50-state participation.”

The U.S. population is on the order of 315 million. By my math, 675,000, which certainly sounds like an impressive number, is 13,500 people per state, or .002 percent of the population.

Yeah…I don’t see what’s to get so excited about.

The population of the Confederacy in 1860 was 9,103,332. If you take those 675,000 people and measure them against the 1860 population, you still get less than 10 percent of the population – hardly a mandate for secession.

Who do these people think they are kidding?

It’s a wet dream, the nocturnal emissions of racists unhappy that it’s 2012 rather than 1860 when they could have safely put uppity black folks in their place. Even Erick Erickson, the guy behind RedState,   rejects the idea: “We have no plans to secede from the union. If you do, good luck with that, but this is not the place for you.”

And Tennessee’s governor, Bill Haslam said, “I don’t think we’ll be seceding.”

As conservative circle jerks go, this has been a particularly lurid one. They can dream. We can dream back. But you can’t secede from the Union.

We fought a war over that idea. The Good Guys won. Secession was defeated. Slavery abolished. The country moved forward. We will continue to move forward.

This is the past:

And this is America now and going forward:

Get used to it. We’re going forward.

With or without the Republicans’ participation.

 

Photo from Western Herald.com

Texas Secession Image from The TexasFred Blog




Red State Secession Would Be a Dream Come True for the Rest of America was written by Hrafnkell Haraldsson for PoliticusUSA.
© PoliticusUSA, Fri, Nov 16th, 2012 — All Rights Reserved

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