Marriage Really IS a Big Deal

Marriage Really IS a Big Deal

On the heels of such a devastating blow to civil rights for minorities in this country with the Supreme Court ruling on voter rights just yesterday, today’s ruling on the unconstitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act is an unbelievable victory for gay and lesbian Americans.

L&L Shoulder ShotI am one of those. I am a lesbian who is a mother and grandmother. (37 and a half hours of labor proves it). I was raised by heterosexual Christian parents opposed to gay marriage. My daughter has become a lovely, mature well-adjusted heterosexual adult and a stellar mother.

I share this because the opponents of equality for lesbian and gays are in a panic and their heads are exploding today as evidenced by the despicable assertions that this is going to hurt children. One of these bigots, Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-KS) says the Supreme Court hurt children by striking down because every child deserves a mother and a father. No disrespect to my own parents, but my daughter’s life as a young girl growing up in a lesbian household was filled with love, caring and guidance. I grew up with discord and opposition in an environment where my parents were incapable of demonstrating love and nurturing.

What are these people so afraid of? They immediately spread lies about harm to children. This has happened over and over again with regard to allowing LGBT folks to teach in public schools. They viciously claim that we have some sort of quota to fill and are out to indoctrinate your children. That is a lie! What I worried about when raising my own daughter, was being indoctrinated by these religious zealots – and that is a very real threat. In fact, one of the most upsetting times in my life was when my own religious mother told my then 4 yr old daughter, that I would go to hell because I was a pervert and my daughter would never see me again. How is that for spreading love?

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No one is demanding that churches be forced to perform gay marriages in their houses of worship. No one. Marriage ceremonies have been occurring outside of churches forever that will continue for heterosexuals and now gays in the states that have legalized marriage equality. I am lucky because I live in one of those states where I get to finally marry my partner of 7 years in September. We are thrilled, even though some members of our families have now shunned us after asking us to not talk about “it”. They have asked “why do you have to get married”?

They act as though our only motive is to make them uncomfortable or embarrass them rather than acknowledging that we have the same reasons as everyone else, including those of us who choose to become parents. And we do. Our commitment to each other is the same and we seek the joy of legitimizing our union like any other heterosexual. But all anyone can think about is the sex. Just stop it. Honestly. They dismiss our friendship and devotion to each other and focus on our intimate relationship. It is disturbing and insulting.

This is a great day for us! And it is a great day for our children who get to see their parents marry. And for all the young ones that will grow up gay or lesbian. My own daughter at 24 years of age will be my matron of honor and my nearly 3 year old granddaughter will have the memory etched in her mind that she was there to see her Ona and Nana get married. This means everything to us and we thank all of you who have supported our right to marry as we now look forward to other states passing gay marriage laws.

If only the self-righteous, sanctimonious zealots would focus as much energy on embracing their own families rather than trying to control ours, this world would be a much better place. After all, if heterosexuals would just stop having lesbian and gay children this would be a moot point…wouldn’t it?

Now I have to include something that the minister who will be performing our wedding sent me about the real story behind marriage from a learned Christian’s knowledge of the Bible:


by Pastor J. Herrington

It’s about sex. It’s always been about sex. From Adam and Eve to today, a marriage has always been consummated by sex.

When God created Eve for Adam, he didn’t have a ceremony with lofty words; he just walked her to Adam and handed her over to him and Adam “knew Eve.”

When Abraham wanted a wife for his son Isaac, he sent his servant Eleazar to his relatives in Haran to bring one back. Rebekah was brought back to Isaac; they had sex and were now married.

The Old Testament form of marriage was simple. The groom and bride agreed to marry; this was the betrothal period and a covenant between them. The groom went back to his father’s house for a year and built a dwelling place for them while the bride gathered everything she needed to run her new household. At night…usually midnight and unbeknown to the bride …the groom and his male friends would excitedly go to the bride’s house by torchlight and bring her back and her female attendants home with him. It was a joyous occasion!

Back home he would take his bride into the bridal chamber while the family, attendants and guests waited outside. Once they had sex, the groom would announce that the marriage had been consummated to his wedding party and cheers went up from the crowd. This commenced the 7 days of the wedding feast.

For thousands of years this was the marriage ceremony until the Catholic Church stepped in to change it in 1563 at the 24th Session of the Council of Trent and issued the Tametsi Decree which now made marriage a sacrament in the church. This decree stated that any marriage not performed by a priest was null and void and those alive at that time were living in sin. Marriages now had to be performed by a priest in a church and have two witnesses to the ceremony.

The Doctrine on the Sacrament of Marriage coming out of this session stated-

CANON (rule; law) I.-If any one saith, that matrimony is not truly and properly one of the seven sacraments of the evangelic law, (a sacrament) instituted by Christ the Lord; but that it has been invented by men in the Church; and that it does not confer grace; let him be anathema (looked on with disgust; excommunicated).

Of course this form of marriage has been invented by men and only been in existence for 450 years compared to the thousands of years under the biblical form of marriage. The Catholic Church hijacked it for control of its populist and is causing irreparable harm to the LGBT community today. What was once basically a covenant by two people has been turned into a new definition of marriage and the benefits accorded it.

Well, well, well…how ’bout that? Thank you Pastor! Another man-made ruling aimed at controlling all of us – all in the name of God.

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