Republicans Trot Out a Parade of Losers to Sell Their Party’s Fail

Republicans were working it hard this week. They deployed Bill Krystal and Reince Priebus to ABC, John McCain to CNN, and climate change minimizer Carly outsource-our-jobs Fiorina to ABC’s This Week to sell Republicanism and the winning, WINNING, ways of Republicans.

How are Republicans going to get the youth vote? How are they going to turn things around? How are they going to win another national election at this rate? The fact that they are being asked these questions by the media is not a good omen, but they will deny this by claiming that the liberal media is out to get them again.

Moving on from that false flag, Republicans thought it would be a super idea to get Carly Fiorina to represent this Sunday. You know, for the single women vote. That didn’t go so well. But she also presented an argument so specious it can serve as the perfect representation of what is wrong with the Republican Party’s “ideas”.

Fiorina’s argument was that Democrats want to centralize decision making, but we have seen — “IRS!” she hissed with partisan surety — that we can’t hold those big government agencies accountable so people will want to vote Republican. Yes, she took a lot of money from the John Birch Society morphed into Tea Party billionaire Koch brothers while running for the Senate.

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Carly Fiorina’s argument for why you should vote Republican, courtesy of a rush transcript from ABC (notice there are no solutions, only the mantra that big government is bad and Democrats are bad because the Bush recession continues to harm employment since Republicans in the House refuse to pass a jobs bill):

But let me go back to David’s point, we don’t have a product to sell. Let me talk about young people for a moment and jobs. Unemployment among youth is at historic highs in inner cities as well as people coming out of college.

And there is nothing that is appealing to a young person about the solution to every problem being a large, bloated bureaucracy that can not be held accountable and who’s budget continues to rise year after year. The democrats have a single product, which is let us centralize decision-making, let us create a government program to solve a problem. What we’re seeing, whether it’s the IRS or the debate about national security, we cannot hold these — hold these bureaucracies accountable, we don’t know what they’re doing.

It was an awkward argument given that Fiorina failed at Hewlett-Packard and then failed again running for Barbara Boxer’s California Senate seat, and clearly understands that the big corporate model Republicans stand for holds no one but the worker accountable.

Fiorina’s $20 million golden parachute exit after being forced out at Hewlett-Packard and the stock’s subsequent jump upon news of her departure isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement for accountability, nor was her attempt to bring down the average technology sector worker’s wages by taking refuge under our need to “compete” due to globalization. Before she was shown the door, she managed to pull a Romney—laying off 30,000 workers and outsourcing thousands of positions abroad. They don’t blame her for alienating engineers and customers for nothing.

At any rate, the Party of Too-Big-To-Fail is now going to attempt to rebrand on accountability of the private sector, by claiming big government isn’t accountable. They won’t discuss the private sector being accountable, because of course, that is glaringly untrue. The public is well aware that they have had to bail out the private sector’s losses but get nothing from their gains. Furthermore, the fact that she used the IRS “scandal” as an example of this should have embarrassed her, because a) it wasn’t a scandal and b) clearly the government is held accountable or nothing would have come of the Republican-planted false stories. Also, anyone who has studied the impact of privatization of government services knows just how vast the divide is between the unaccountable private corporations and the public servant.

If Republicans think Fiorina is going to appeal to women, they are making the same mistake they made with all of their other token minorities. Fiorina sells policies that are bad for women who are not privileged enough to be raised out of the average concerns of women. Fiorina is a patriarch in a skirt; she broke the glass ceiling by embracing the ideology of the patriarch, not by standing up for women; she is no Hillary Clinton. Women are not this stupid, though we note (and file away in our Binders full of Women) once again that Republicans think we are precisely this stupid.

The entire point Republicans were trying to make today on the Sunday shows is that the Politico story about the “Eve of Destruction” within their own party was all wrong. Everything is fine! See? The country loves us, we’re fine, and we can appeal to new voters! In order to prove this, they trotted out Carly Fiorina who stands for cheap, outsourced labor and lost her senate campaign, a stale John McCain who’s been on every single Sunday show since the dawn of time and still lost 2008, a screeching, strident and always annoying Bill Krystal and RNC Chair Reince Priebus, a person who manages to make Mitt Romney look connected while showing how clueless and scared he really is.

Someone needs to tell Republicans that lying about their party’s successful rebranding and great policies on the Sunday shows isn’t the best way to get the youth vote. David Plouffe tried to tell them that they need to find a product to sell to no avail.

Just sayin… The fail is strong with this party.