Like a Bad Penny, the Right’s Absurd Duck Dynasty Flap Keeps Turning Up

Like a Bad Penny, the Right’s Absurd Duck Dynasty Flap Keeps Turning Up


Remember when the great American pastime used to be baseball. Now it’s ripping into the gay population. Anybody who’s anybody on the right does it, not to mention a few Alec Baldwins. Even a fast food joint (Chick something or other) hates their guts and a vast majority of the nation’s legislatures have made damn sure that same-sex couples are kept at constitutional or statutory arms length from the sacred institution of holy matrimony. You know, the one where roughly 40% to 50% of marriages end in divorce depending on the methodology of data collection. The Methodist hierarchy just defrocked one of their ministers for officiating at the marriage of his gay son and the son’s partner. I used to think the Methodists got it.

Not to be too graphic here, but isn’t Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson, the object of my latest musings, the guy who made his millions manufacturing a phallic symbol that you put in your mouth and blow into? Just askin’.

As we all know by now, bearded red-neck, Phil, got in some hot water when a Gentlemen’s Quarterly article quoted the biblical scholar as saying the following about homosexuals: “It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.” Ever hear of heterosexual sodomy, Phil? It’s a pretty popular whoopee pastime involving the same portion of anatomy. Ever done it, Phil? Bet you have. Google ‘anal sex’ and about 44 million sites come up. Betcha more are het oriented than gay.

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Robertson wasn’t done yet. There were more gay-bashing rantings: “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

Predictably, my local right-wing newspaper, unafraid of distorting the disgusting impact of Robertson’s words, softens them to simply reflect statements to GQ magazine that “gays are sinners akin to adulterers and swindlers.” “Hell, that don’t sound so bad, Zeke; whats them commie homo-lovers bitchin’ about?” Besides, if he didn’t deserve to be on the TV, why would Palin, Cruz and Hannity be such big fans?”

Also included in the fawning write-up is word that more than 1.7 million fans have registered “likes” for an allegedly impromptu Facebook page “Boycott A&E Until Phil Robertson is Put Back on Duck Dynasty. This impromptu page (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) is described as one of numerous pages with similar names, though none of the others has even 1 percent as many “likes.” Gee, imagine that. Wonder why that one page got all the action? H’mmmm! Could it have anything to do with a possible blast nationwide “Grassroots Action Alert” email sent from Maxwell, Iowa? The contents bragged that “by 9:00 p.m. ET last night, the “Back Phil” Facebook page — created by our LibertyNEWS division — crossed 1,000,000 “likes.” You read that right. More than a million “likes” in less than 24 hours!”

Those “likes” that the had the local paper gushing were about as impromptu as a preparation for a Summer Olympics. That is to say, people were asked, prompted and cajoled into participation.
The latest Maxwell “Grassroots” mass emailing urges right-wingers to sign a giant petition. Here’s the actual continuing pitch: “The national www. Back (email disabled) is also breaking records for our Grassfire team. After just a single day, more than 300,000 grassroots Americans have signed to demand A&E reinstate Phil Robertson immediately.

+ + “I Back Phil” Petition Delivery Next Week

This is no time to let up or back down! Grassroots Action is preparing to deliver these petitions early next week to A&E executives in New York City and to Duck Commander headquarters in West Monroe, Louisiana.

Take immediate action to support Phil Robertson’s, and every other Americans’, constitutional rights of free speech and freedom of religion:

#1 — Sign the “I Back Phil” petition by clicking here.
#2 — Click here to “like” the “Back Phil” Facebook page. (both emails disabled)

A Grassfire PR firm, Shirley and Bannister Public Affairs, was behind the infamous Willie Horton “weekend prison pass” campaign that buried Michael Dukakis’ presidential hopes way back in 1988. Grassfire has specialized in sending out other meaningless petitions in the Bush era and has played a key role in the emailing and petition-trashing of Al Gore, John Kerry and Barack Obama over the years. This latest Robertson ploy is pure right-wing astroturfing exploiting a tiny Story County Iowa hamlet of roughly 900 citizens.

If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that Maxwell is the home to one of the Grassfire honcho’s mom, uncle or old college buddy. All of their Maxwell addresses are PO boxes.

No matter how Halifax Media’s local right-wing propaganda sheet chooses to word their defense of Robertson, it’s pretty hard to moderate the very words out of this hater’s mouth. Come with me to the NY Daily News America website for an exact depiction of this scraggly-brained homophobe’s statements initially uncovered by TMZ.

For your viewing pleasure: The best of Phil Robertson videos! Scroll down to the first video, save yourself some time and go to 17:30 where Robertson rails to the “Wild Game Supper” full-house (overwhelmingly men) at the Pottstown Berean church, the true depth of his hatred of gays. As we’ve already learned, lesbians need not feel left out. He hates them too as the video gleefully reveals.

In addition to Palin, Cruz and Hannity fan clubs, the state of Louisiana is all in for the Robertsons as well. The show is mostly produced around the family homes in Ouachita Parish. DD is great for tourism, don’t you know. Lt. Gov. Jay Dardenne emailed a statement Saturday, with the obvious approval of Governor Bobby Jindal, oozing love for the duck dudes. Dismissing the gay bashing, Dardenne was quoted as writing, “Regardless of one’s views on Phil Robertson’s statements, ‘Duck Dynasty’ has been an important representation of the state of Louisiana, inspiring prospective visitors and investors since its debut.”

Frankly, I couldn’t give the proverbial rat’s ass whether Phil or his “let’s fool ducks so we can kill ’em” posse ever shows what’s visible of their faces on TV again. The whole issue revolves around something other than entertainment anyway. It’s the latest Teapublican social magnet to get ma and pa to lay down their shotguns, get off the porch and ask directions to their nearest polling place to vote for Robertson-backed candidates who promise to protect the constitutional right to free speech and gay-bashing.

So, preach away, oh bearded prophet. Maybe you can get some kid to wash your limo while you’re spreading your free hate-speech from the pulpit.

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