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In One Swoop Bill Maher Destroys Both Herman Cain And Tim Tebow
On Real Time last night Bill Maher ran a two for one special where he managed to take down both the worship of Tim Tebow, and the Republican Party’s love of faith based know nothings like Herman Cain.
Here’s the video:
Maher said,
Since all Republican voters really want in a candidate is one a devout Christian who doesn’t know s**t from Shinola, and two is proud of that, and three isn’t named Mitt, they should just go ahead and nominate Tim Tebow. That’s right, take Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, the fan favorite Christian who’s in over his head on the football field and put him somewhere where fan favorite Christians who are in over their head are welcome, the Republican presidential race.
Now if you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, he’s the college quarterback slash religious nut that the Broncos signed last year despite the fact that he has one problem. He throws like a girl. I’m sorry, I take that back. Lots of girls throw. Naomi Campbell has a more impressive completion rate with cell phones, but that doesn’t matter to the faithful, because Tim Tebow is so cuckoo for Christianity that he used to write Bible verses in the charcoal under his eyes. Creepy to some, but for redneck America, they couldn’t love this guy more if he was sculpted out of bacon. The words man crush don’t begin to describe it. It is full on gay…
But last Sunday, Tim learned that although Jesus saves, he can’t read NFL defenses and he’s terrible at throwing into coverage. A Yahoo Sports article on Tebow’s performance used words like atrocious, terrible, not even close to ready, and oh, my God, and I thought funny, those are the same things I’ve been thinking about Herman Cain. The difference being in over your head is an asset in today’s Republican politics. Their base doesn’t care that Cain thinks presidents sign constitutional amendments, or that Michele Bachmann believes slavery was settled by the Founders. Because knowing things is seen as an affront to the all-knowing, and there’s nothing they hate more than secular edheads trying to fix problems like poverty and healthcare. Honestly, doesn’t a lot of the tea party philosophy boil down to who needs the government when you have Jesus?
Today’s Republican Party doesn’t want a smart, experienced, problem solver. They want a motivational speaker with a background in pizza. Both Cain and Rick Perry have attacked Mitt Romney for having a tax plan that did not fit on the back of an index card. Yes, there’s a growing, gnawing, dark suspicion among Republicans that Mitt Romney is, cover your ears, children, smart. I’m not saying it’s true. I’m just saying there’s no proof it isn’t. Meanwhile three of the Republican candidates have said God called them to run for president. But seriously, if God really did call all three to run for president, isn’t he just f**king with two of them?
Maher closed by pointing out that none of this matters because Mitt Romney wants this more than the other candidates do, and he will do or say anything to get the votes.
Bill Maher’s criticism of the Golden Tebow Child was right on the money. Everyone knew about Tebow’s football deficiencies before he was drafted, but then head man Josh McDaniels and the Broncos were charmed by Tebow’s athleticism, and the money they could make by selling the quarterback to the built in Christian fan base that he would bring with him to whatever franchise selected him. While I don’t think Tebow will ever be a great quarterback, it is far too early to proclaim him the worst thing since New Coke.
There have already been rumors going back to Tebow’s days in Florida that Republican politics may be in his future, so Maher’s comparison of the quarterback to the Republican presidential candidates might not be all that far off. Tebow may not be getting it done on the football field, but he would be the ideal candidate for many evangelical Republicans.
Back in 2010 a Florida sports columnist wrote a piece comparing Tim Tebow to Ronald Reagan, and he predicted that Tebow would someday be elected president. To evangelical Republicans, Tebow is a rock star whose popularity would easily transfer into votes among a Republican base that is obsessed with faith over substance.
The Tebow worship is a kissing cousin of the same affliction that has consumed the Republican Party. Faith is the only thing that matters. The Republican Party has gone through bouts of anti-intellectualism before, but today’s GOP has taken it to a new level by adding a faith based litmus test to their anti-intellectualism.
Tim Tebow would excel in GOP politics for the same reason that Herman Cain is a frontrunner. To faith based Republican voters it doesn’t matter what you know or don’t know. All that matters is what a candidate believes. The right beliefs (Herman Cain and Tim Tebow) make you popular and successful. The wrong beliefs (Mitt Romney) mean that the best you can hope for is skeptical mistrust.
For both Tebow and Cain, faith based fandom may be their only path to success.
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18 Responses to In One Swoop Bill Maher Destroys Both Herman Cain And Tim Tebow
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diz
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Thanks to Bill for the recall of a favorite definition of one’s intelligence level. “S**t from Shinola” was our go-to phrase back in the olden days and I wonder if in these shoepolish-less days will many of the younger set get the reference.
McCain, Palin, Cain ….. hmmm Vanna, can’t we get some new consonants too or do these three come as a matched set???
Sandy Cunningham
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Do you think its legitimate to share Bill Maher with my fellow bloggers in a Republican blog – 3 Democrats to 20 Republicans – in a midwest right-wing Kansas newspaper if it credits Bill Maher “With Permission of?” Here goes ,,,, SHCCCC
Anne
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Cain is certainly a “Christian know-nothing” like Bachmann, Palin, Perry, and others. What also needs to come out is his disdain for fellow blacks and his willingness to sell us and other Americans out for the Koch brothers whom he calls his brothers from a different mother. He actually said that at a speech, and made himself look like an even more ignorant fool than we already know him to be. In addition, a link has surfaced from 2006 that references his disdain for those of us he calls “brainwashed.” It was so glaringly bad that even the RNC and the Bush administration denounced it.
www.rightwingwatch.org/co... snuff-my-own-seed-ads
SinghX
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 5:10 pm
…”Honestly, doesn’t a lot of the tea party philosophy boil down to who needs the government when you have Jesus?…”
Demographics bare this out in the anti-urban over represented areas of the country where malls and mega-churches are the meeting places for public forum. We need leadership and a “battle plan” to fight them on their efforts to destroy democracy and replace it with theocracy. We need strategies to 1. stop their re-redistricting/election hijacking, 2.arrest those that openly purpose of treason against the government, 3.make all forms of proselytizing and radical recruitment (jesus camps) as forms of fraud
Shiva (Moderator)
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 5:24 pm
They are fraud until jesus shows up in court
Shane
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 12:27 pm
If Jesus shows up in court, I’m okay with letting them walk… Of course, you never know, he might just pop in to drop of an amicus brief pointing out that they don’t really teach ( or believe ) what he taught, so he wants nothing to do with them.
Cha
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 6:43 pm
And, the teaparty gop hypocrites don’t Jesus from shit or shinola, either.
Shiva (Moderator)
Nov. 5th, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Too hilarious! Its Unbelievable that the Republican Party could support any of their current candidates. It’s not only unbelievable but it’s hilarious. as you look back over the years of your life, have you ever seen such a pathetic group of candidates? And I mean truly pathetic. They match up perfectly with a group of GOP governors who have no problem with Tearing their states apart.
SinghX
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 8:38 am
It is grossly pathetic (if that is allowable grammar)! Just look at the fact that they cannot govern unless they play some game of “find the charismatic”! They go on a “scavenger hunt” in every back water, under every rock (Palin is a prime example) until they all gather back at some lobbyist corporate head quarters where they then commence a game of show and tell (or tell and show in the case of McCain-Palin ticket).
Wait. I got ahead of myself…sorry…first, they are given the “clue” to find a “patriot” that’s christian, but, no peeking into their past as that part we do later. THEN, they spread out across every back water, look under every rock until they find a radical fundamentalist church where all the charismatics are leapin’and hollarin’; the players ask the minister (via a poll) if they have a forked stick to look for a candidate or, they have a prophet who speaks in tongues and can guide them to the “candidate”.
Then they all meet back together and the greedy bastards decide where to place their bets on the roulette wheel or the use a Ouija board (in the case of Regan).
The only way that pathetic GOP knows how to survive is to hook up with a radical faction willing to do anything to push their cult into power over the “other” competing cults (to include corporate cults, religious cults, military-type cults…as long as it’s a group that uses heavy doses of mind control over it’s followers). Game’s up! The winds of time have passed them by…
SinghX
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 9:07 am
sorry…correction. It should have been “divining fork”…or “dee-vinin’ stick” unless it is one of the Richie-Rich kids playing and then it’s still a “fork”, perhaps the fruit fork…
otDAN SAXE
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 1:25 am
To compare Whore-moan Cain, a self absorbed, selfish, puppet of big industry, to a GENUINE REPRESENTITIVE of what competative sports, and the pursuit of religeous ideals, is supposed to be, is AT THE VERY LEAST, unfair to the young Mr. Tebow. Granted, Tebow is deficient in some areas of the game, but it is not by design. He, by all accounts, is true to the best interests of his peers, and his fanbase. Additionally, Tebow uses his religious ideals in a manor that does not disgrace his own, or any other belief systems. Humor is as humor does. Tebow’s greatness may never be spotlighted entirely by the game of football, but I would vote for him over any GOP or Teabagger soley on character, and effort!!!
Brown cow
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 9:09 am
I finally get it !!! The GOP hates us Progressives because they think we ate from the tree of knowledge !
The Platzner Post
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 9:40 am
Love the way Bill Maher humorously tells it like it is!!!
afpilot
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Yeah, he sure has a way with words. I used to love watching his late night show on network tv when I was in high school. Now, however, I think it’s kind of sad. First of all, he spoke a little too soon with regard to the Broncos and Tebow. Secondly, Cain was a ballistic missile mathematician for the Navy, so it’s kind of dishonest, even if it’s funny, to say he’s an idiotic pizza man. Last but not last, being from South Carolina, I take offense to his remarks about redneck southerners, bacon, and man crushes. What happened to having role models? Even if a shred of what he said was right, I think his remarks are simultaneously insensitive to homosexuals and heterosexuals, and now that I’ve outgrown snarky sarcasm posing as comedy, I think this about all the time I want to waste on Bill Maher.
Inez
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
“My brother from a different mother” Cain stated.Does he mean they had the same father? Like Palin’s Paul Revere ‘s statment. …What the hell are they talking about? I”M glad I’m not voting for either. Romney just stated he wants tp privatize Medicare. Like Bush wanted to privatize Social Security through investment corps….Perry is acting like a comedian on pot. Next case.
Shiva (Moderator)
Nov. 6th, 2011 at 11:50 pm
Inez, what he said was from a movie. I think it was one of the Chris tucker/Jackie Chan movies. Almost a direct quote. His poem(closing remarks) from the first debate was a direct quote from Pokemon. The 9-9-9 plan comes from Sim City the software game.
Watch it on Rachel Maddow
www.msnbc.msn.com/id/2631...
c
Nov. 7th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
hmm…makes a person wonder whose payroll Maher’s on besides HBO’s? Wonder how it feels to sleep at night, knowing how one’s powerful, yet scathing, choice of words can “control” so many others’ thoughts? Why doesn’t Maher join the Wall Street “occupy” crowd…seems like he might have a forum among those “free-thinking pillars of society”…
mike hunt
Nov. 7th, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Thanks Bill for once again for showing us your ignorance once again.I think it is time for you to finally come out of your homo closet.