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No Death Star, ‘The Administration does not support blowing up planets’
That’s a “no” to the Star Wars Death Star petition to the White House. “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For,” they warn in response. Apparently the super serious people at the White House do not support blowing up planets. So dies another American dream.
The White House has responded, as they do to all petitions that get over 25,000 signatures, to the call for the U.S. to build a Death Star. The Star Wars petition got over 34,000 signatures. This is the cost of open initiatives in the age of the Internet.
“The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon,” writes Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. After all, he notes dryly, “The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.”
Also, just in case the White House’s policy is not clear, “The Administration does not support blowing up planets.”
But even more importantly, Shawcross asks, “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?” Doh!
Or perhaps that was the President speaking, since he tweeted:
Why would we spend taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a 1-man starship? OFA.BO/yfxWt3
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) January 12, 2013
He mitigates the great letdown with a picture of Obama using a light saber and a shooting marshmallow cannon, “We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon.”
Watch the President using 14-year-old inventor Joey Hudy’s “Extreme Marshmallow Cannon:
Not to be sad, Death Star petitioners: “However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations.”
This must be shocking news to conservatives, who are sure the space program has been dismantled, “Kind of difficult to do after the space program was dismantled.”
Also, “Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun.”
He finishes his bad news by encouraging the petitoners to pursue a career in science, “If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us!”
Shawcross tries some final logic on the surely disappointed Death Star petitioners, “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”
Image: President Barack Obama uses a Star Wars light saber as he parries with fencer Tim Morehouse during the U.S. Olympians youth sporting event on the South Lawn of the White House, Sept. 16, 2009.
(Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)
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15 Responses to No Death Star, ‘The Administration does not support blowing up planets’
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djchefron
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 11:56 am
The scary part is, how many of those who signed think it was doable.
AcidQueen
Jan. 15th, 2013 at 9:29 pm
And you would know this….how?
We nerds are far more reality-based than you muggles give us credit for, thank you very much.
Deborah Foster
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
This was one of the funniest, most clever responses they could have given. And NASA naming one of their divisions C3PO, that just proves how stellar government agencies can be. ;-)
montag
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm
I guess this means the Roosians will beat us in the Death Star race.
djchefron
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Well if they do at least judging by some of the posters we have the force to stand up to the tyranny that awaits us.
Reynardine
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 1:31 pm
This is so great!
Brigita Petrutis
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 2:05 pm
My favorite line in the White House response acknowledged the effectiveness of one strategic starship (capable of destroying the Death Star). There is another petition, by the way, for a USS Enterprise starship to be built.
This bit of news came through yesterday just as I was feeling bored of the news. Another reason I love our President!
mjh
Jan. 13th, 2013 at 4:23 am
There is another petition, by the way, for a USS Enterprise starship to be built.
Well, it wasn’t a starship, but USS Enterprise has already been built:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS...
. . . though it’s now been deactivated in preparation for decommissioning . . .
.
djchefron
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 10:35 pm
You just have to love the way the President in a cool and calm way, tell idiots to bugger off
OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Peacefully grant the State of Louisiana to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government. and 8 other petitions
Our States Remain United
By Jon Carson
Thank you for using the White House’s online petitions platform to participate in your government.
In a nation of 300 million people — each with their own set of deeply-held beliefs — democracy can be noisy and controversial. And that’s a good thing. Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted.
But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don’t let that debate tear us apart.
Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States “in order to form a more perfect union” through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot — a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it. As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, “in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual.” In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that “[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States.”
Although the founders established a perpetual union, they also provided for a government that is, as President Lincoln would later describe it, “of the people, by the people, and…
djchefron
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 10:37 pm
Continued:
and for the people” — all of the people. Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.
So let’s be clear: No one disputes that our country faces big challenges, and the recent election followed a vigorous debate about how they should be addressed. As President Obama said the night he won re-election, “We may have battled fiercely, but it’s only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future.”
Whether it’s figuring out how to strengthen our economy, reduce our deficit in a responsible way, or protect our country, we will need to work together — and hear from one another — in order to find the best way to move forward. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to learn more about the President’s ideas and share more of your own.
Jon Carson is Director of the Office of Public Engagement
labman57
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 11:21 pm
So typical of this self-appointed dictator residing in the White House.
First he wants to take away our guns, now he wants to deny us our Death Stars! After all, what’s more American than blowing stuff up?
Shiva (Moderator)
Jan. 12th, 2013 at 11:28 pm
LOL as you know, the damm death star has a flaw that one star fighter can use to destroy it
david brian myers
Jan. 13th, 2013 at 10:58 am
but he is in favor of drone attacks that kill civilians… solve the problems we have, not george lucas’ awful movies…
Shiva (Moderator)
Jan. 13th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
What would you choose? throwing troops at this or using drones? Dont start the Obama war bad, I bet you cheered Herr Bush on all the way
Nebroxah
Jan. 15th, 2013 at 7:04 pm
My President knows his way around a lightsaber. Damn I love being an American.