Palin Desperately Pitching Reality TV Show But Turned Down by Major Networks

Palin Reality TV show turned down by major networks; Stuck on Cable

Hagiographer, Fox News “commentator”, and palm reader Sarah Palin has been desperately pitching her reality TV series to the major networks, but it seems the Big Boys have better things to do with their primetime air then follow a half-term former quitter around Alaska as she pretends to be folksy and outdoorsy.

Yup. Palin knocked and God again closed that door, as all of the major networks passed on the fading grifter. God better get his act together or else….Sister Sarah and her Cult of Few are going to flip the heck out! The Anointed One must be shown “deference”.

But hark! Who’s that at the door? Why, it’s A&E and Discovery. Yes, the gluttonous, exploitative, ruthless cable channels still mourning the shared loss of Jon & Kate Plus 8, which originally aired on Discovery Health, but then aired on TLC for Seasons 3-5. Those were the good times. Why, just like Palin’s real life, the show exploited children, power and fame were put above the welfare of the family and children, and lastly, it led to massive over-exposure of ordinary people who really should never have been elevated to their current status in our culture.

Not everyone is cut out to be Paris Hilton. Sorry, ladies.

So, Palin and her “huge star” are to be relegated to cable. Yet again.  Land of the losers and micro money. No AI money here.  But picture Palin Does Alaska in between Hoarders and Intervention, say. Or maybe she’ll come on after Miami Ink and before Dog the Bounty Hunter. Gee, both are somehow right. Water seeks its own level, especially when it comes to cheap cable entertainment. What to do, what to do! Let me consult my hand palm guide. I can barely read my palm…something’s crossed out. I believe it says Deadliest Carp– I mean, Catch, and Only Dead Fish Swim Upstream. What the heck?

Oh! Deadliest Catch! Already shot in Alaska! Yes, Deadliest Catch meets John MCain’s lost 2008 bid meets Sarah Palin’s quittin’ speech. God, ya’ gotta love American TV.  This would get us  John McCain’s Deadliest Catch.

Now, I gotta be honest. I would watch that. We could put Sarah and John out on a fishing boat in turbulent waters and see if Johnny could save himself from the impending iceberg. With their own bootstraps, and all. I think this could work out super well. I hear from the crew of Deadliest Catch it’s a hecka of a grand time out there. Diva-friendly environment. Perfect for the girl who required over 250,000k in clothes for a month and a half run at the White House.

But God seems to have another calling for Sarah. No wild, wig-threatening adventures for her. Nope. She’s pitching “a travelogue-type documentary in which the former vice presidential candidate gives viewers an intimate look at her home state of Alaska.” Oh, goody!

Maybe she’ll take us to the Mat-Su dairy so we can see where all of the money went….or to her “non-existent” 100,000 k cabin she failed to pay property taxes on for oh so many years. Or to the coffee shop where she repeatedly walks out with paying, because she’s so “special”.

Gosh, I think America really wants to see where Sarah’s getting’ that hair done lately. Last night’s appearance on Fox left me seriously questioning Sarah’s mental state.

Retro Anita Bryant dos are just so not sexy.

Nevermind the hair, though. The over-exposed quitter with the palm of gold is going places! Insiders believe that Mark Burnett (TV guru who made Martha) thinks he’s going to make Palin the next Oprah. A daytime TV Queen.

Oh, Mark. Ya got the tingles up your legs and ya’ ain’t thinkin’ straight. Oprah is beloved by women. The majority of women despise Sarah Palin. See how that doesn’t exactly work out?

But hey, Hollywood is run by men with egos bigger than their brains and nothing would please me more than to see another head-banging waste of money trying to build Palin’s brand being targeted to women.  It will ultimately fail miserably, at which point the ego-bruised and impotent (you are your latest project) Burnett will then blame Palin’s “lack of star quality” rather than ever admit that he has no idea what women want to watch on daytime TV.

Yo, Mark, you got lucky with Martha. One of these days, when you’re contemplating your miserable luck with Sarah Palin, you might pause to ask yourself if there are any differences in a Martha or Oprah versus a Sarah.

Would Oprah come out in a nothing but a towel to meet her campaign manager? Would Martha strut around in naughty monkeys and a thigh high skirt on a stage so that every photographer could get a photo of God’s sacred territory?

Even the evangelicals are getting a little sick of Sister Sarah’s potty mouth (“asinine!”) and blasphemous use of Jesus to excuse her own inadequacies (Jesus wrote on his hand, too, ya’ know!).

This will not end well.

But we knew the train wreck was coming, and isn’t it just like A&E and Discovery to be there to exploit it?

Just waiting for Palin to shave her head in the middle of a flip out. I give her 8 months.

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