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The Gathering Danger of Marco (Polo!) Rubio
Please allow me a quick, personal point of privilege. I’d like to give a quick shout out to PoliticusUSA and all its writers. I’ve been following you guys for some time now and I am honored to be joining your ranks.
Readers, welcome to my debut column. I’d like to thank Mr. Jason Easley for kindly affording me this opportunity and this great platform, to percolate my thoughts, share my concerns about the state of our union. And speaking of the state of our union, we had a SOTU address delivered on Tuesday night. Likely, you all watched the SOTU and have seen pundits from both sides dissect it again and again by now. So I won’t be redundant and go through the actual address again.
Instead, let me focus on the bleak and tempest future I saw before us in the Democratic Party. No, for reals, y’all. Let me issue a cautionary note to my progressive friends whose hearts may still be giddy with and inebriated by, the president’s speech.
Fellow Democrats, I am drowning in fear. Here is the stream of thought that has been coursing through the estuary of my mind: Senator Marco Rubio did a bang-bang-up job in his response Tuesday night. The way he performed, he could be Jesus walking on water, or Moses parting the Red Sea.
Anyway, I get the sense that God has already anointed Rubio the savior of the Republican Party, leader of a new right-wing tidal wave. Rubio floated in to fill the overflowing boat shoes left by the indomitable Mitt Romney, “Mr. Land O’ Lakes” himself…and I am deeply concerned that Rubio, with his brimming pool of charisma, will lead the GOP out of the desert.
He is clearly picking up the mantle of the “NEW” Republican’t Party by putting a new, watery-smooth face on their same dehydrated ideas. He unleashed a deluge of rebuttals that absolutely muted the waterfall of “Fair Deal” ideas spigoted by the president. Rubio, drenched in confidence, easily ebbed and flowed around the president’s dry and mouthy offerings. Rubio made much of it feel like dribbles from an amphibian tongue.
And worst of all, Rubio did it in thunderstorm fashion…fast, smooth, striking, just a torrent aching to surge.
I am sweating the prospect of Rubio 2016. No, seriously, I am literally wiping sweat from my face.
As a life-long liberal, I am afraid that we will not be able to field a candidate that can match the Niagara fluidity of Rubio’s mind. I fear we will end up pushing the same soggy ideas, and either remain submerged in the American conscience, or be swiftly mopped up by the fountain of youth that is Marco (Polo!) Rubio.
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37 Responses to The Gathering Danger of Marco (Polo!) Rubio
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mjh
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 7:32 pm
Excellent column, Mr. Evers.
As for Rubio, he’s all wet. :)
.
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:01 pm
Nicely done, yourself! Tip of the hat!
Dr Billy Kidd
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 4:43 pm
I cannot imagine why anyone would think this is a great column, unless Logan is joking. Rubio gave a stupid response, written before Obama’s speech. So it gave the same dumb reactionary talking points that the American public vote 51% to 47% against in the last presidential election. This, Rubio’s big momemt–he blew it.
And Logan, if you really are afraid of this wimp, you ain’t seen nothing. Not if Liz Warren gets worked up and if Cory Brooker jumps in the fight–there’ll be hell fire coming from the Democrats in 2016. They may not be related to Sir Winston Churchill like Obama is, but they can match him word or word in oratory skills.
Sandra
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
Satire if you will. Good, funny article.
Are you doing a Stephen Colbert here?
K
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 7:38 pm
SOS, new brown wrapper. Yeah guys, your last 2 candidates didn’t win, because they were too white…right.
Sarah Jones
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 7:39 pm
Welcome, Logan — we’re so glad to have you here:-)
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:02 pm
Thank you Ms. Jones!
Love your writing!
Linda1961
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 7:41 pm
Great debut Mr. Evers!
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Thank you!
Reynardine
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 8:09 pm
As someone who grew up in Dade County and lived there for most of my life, I have to take issue.
I have lived around, worked with, and gone to school with, Cubans, Spaniards, and Spanish Americans most of my life. Cubans, in general, are a spontaneous and animated people, and many of them have ready charisma. To this rule, Rubio is the exception. He has all the scintillating animation of a Ken doll, coupled with the charisma of a salt marsh mosquito. Does he have, instead, the inherent dignity and presence we associate with Spaniards? Well, if not exactly the *mariquito* he was so cruelly called, he is surely a pipsqueak. How would he strike our Puerto Rican citizens (and Puerto Ricans, remember, *are* all citizens, eligible to vote in Presidential elections as soon as they come to the mainland)? One phrase describes Mariquito: “Mars bar”. You know, brown on the outside, white fluff on the inside. Mexicans expect a man to be a *real* man: not just man, but real. Somehow, I don’t expect Mariquito Mars Bar to measure up. The old-guard anti- Castro diehard Cubans are a dying breed, but I suspect even they would dimiss him as a “tuve Cuban”. In short, this guy has something for everybody…to laugh at.
Elizabeth 44
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 8:15 pm
Wow, what fun! I can see Mr. Evers is going to add a deluge of semantic word games to the mix.
Reynardine
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 8:40 pm
Wait a minute, was that whole article a grandiloquent…leg pull? Have I been…put on?
priscianus jr
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 2:25 am
That’s actually what he was trying to say. In a different way of course… The way of snark.
Shiva(Moderator)
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 8:19 pm
I am afraid Marco will be a formidable person too. But he reminds me of a gangster lawyer sliding through the grasp of everyone.
He has plenty of time to be exposed for what he is. Just another conservative with a new Koch enabled face
Adalia Woodbury
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 8:29 pm
Hi Logan, Welcome!
Your post had me snickering all the way to my great big water bottle. :) Seriously, great job!
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:05 pm
Thank you, Adalia!
Keep up the good work!
Yogi29073
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 9:03 pm
Ah, so I guess you will be writing elegant prose about the GOP as a juxtaposition to the liberal bent now being displayed on this blog…right?? I mean, we all gotta be afraid of the Cuban right??? He’s basically the new Messiah of the GOP and we gotta be afraid, very afraid…right??
Look forward to more of your insights into the workings of the GOP, and just for grins and giggles…welcome aboard!! Lot of dripping sarcasm in the column…right??? Ah, as Hrak would muse…”Just sayin”. Welcome.
zelduh
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 9:19 pm
As an Hispanic person of Mexican descent, I see Rubio as simply another RWNJ and nothing more. And, frankly, I find it insulting that the fools on the right feel we can be easily manipulated by their new token minority.
This effort will fail as badly as it did when Sarah Palin failed in getting the women’s vote for John McCain. It is not about the PERSON in their party that will lose (or win, but I strongly doubt it) the vote; it is the ideology of the GOP that is the failure.
Same lipstick; new pig.
Scott MacKay
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 9:20 pm
Enjoyed the sarcasm.. Welcome!
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:05 pm
Cheers, Mr. MacKay!
Nonsense
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 9:36 pm
Nice writing but false information. Rubio did not respond to the SOTU. Sorry!!!!!!!
Shiva(Moderator)
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 9:46 pm
Boy I will say. He was so far off the mark he had no idea of what the SOTU was about. No way he could respond to it
Ann
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
Rubio had already decided what he was going to say, no matter what the President had actually said.
He wasn’t there to rebut, but to position himself for 2016.
I am inclined to believe he wrote in, “take a sip of water here”. HAd he not lunged for the water while keeping his eyes on the prompter, I would have laughed it off. However, I’m thinking he decided it would make him look cool to take a sip here for the applause.
Logan4Evers
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:06 pm
Touche! Though it didn’t turn out to be a response…it was planned to be the response… LOL!
phooeyrat
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:33 pm
I heard a story somewhere; that said that this sweet, young, innocent, Marco Rubio is not yet fully potty-trained; if so it could have been a lot worse than what it really was. So lets all give this poor child a break. After all he just wants to be our President.
Ann
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 5:42 pm
The innocent and not yet potty trained Marco is going bald. He tried to be the answer to PBO, with a compelling story. His problem is he lied about part of his story and had to recant it.
He reminds me of the republicans and the contempt in which Mitt Romney held Senator Obama, when he referred to him as a “community organizer”. Then, in the four years leading up to the election, he copied everything he could on the ground game as played by the “community organizer”. Romney lost because he was using 2008 moves on a President that has bold ideas and a sharp mind playing 2012. lol
Doris ~
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 6:31 pm
Now I am one who believes you give credit where credit is due and the Koch produced ruby of the teathuglikkkan party is just a teaPunkpuppet…bottomline
Gina
Feb. 16th, 2013 at 11:49 pm
Rubio should be drowning in his sorrows after his big belly flop. Instead he is swimming delusively in a pool of right wing hubris. Quack Quack!
dlbvet
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 1:06 am
That was hysterical! How on earth did you come up with all the water-y adjectives, verbs, nouns, etc and then fit them seamlessly together into a coherent essay? Awesome!!
labrat
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 6:12 am
I love the smell of snark in the morning.
Well done, Logan, well done!
knight4444
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 11:54 am
I’m back! lol listen Rubio is nothing more than the typical republican gimmick! the token non caucasian! the gop couldn’t stop racially attacking hispanics for generations now that hispanics are a growing minority and typically vote for democrats 70% of the time now our beloved gop is all about LOVING themselves some brown people!! LOL any hispanic foolish enough to fall for this juvenile low intelligence gimmick deserves what they get!! NEWS FLASH! during Hitlers rise to power some Jews threw away their faith and supported that mad man to stay alive and gain financial security!
Ann
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 5:49 pm
The republicans don’t even mention or attempt to show respect for Black Americans. Once they realized Blacks wouldn’t follow them into any magical forest regardless of what they “offered” in the form of “gifts”, they gave up even giving lip service. Repubicans had to move on, because Black folk got hip to their supposed “inclusiveness” of vote the way we said and keep your heads down and don’t forget to be grateful, whenever we throw you a crumb.
knight4444
Feb. 18th, 2013 at 1:29 pm
@ANN you are 100% spot on! the bottom line is typically only black and hispanics and gays only vote republican for these two reasons A- financial status these wealthy minority groups stomach the gop and ignore the toxic rants hurled at them daily just to increase their bank accounts. B- or the religious nut who reads the bible and completely misinterprets everything from Genesis to Revelations! ”abortion” is a favorite gimmick used by the republican party.
David
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 4:09 pm
Mr. Evers,
Congratulations and welcome to PoliticusUSA
You state: “The way he performed, he could be Jesus walking on water, or Moses parting the Red Sea.”
You’ve got to be joking! He was a total mess. He continuously wiped sweat from his brow; his nervousness was all too obvious; his demeanor was sophomoric. While he may be a rising star in the GOP, the GOP itself is plummeting faster than the meteor that recently exploded over Russia.
So don’t put much stock in Rubio. He will go the way of Palin and Bachmann (i.e., he will self-destruct on his own).
Or is this your inaugural joke?
Lynda
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 6:11 pm
If this pathetic example is the savior of the ReTHUGliCLOWN Party, then their goose is well and truly cooked!
Doris ~
Feb. 17th, 2013 at 6:36 pm
Rubio is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and I see nothing
complimentary about him or his clan who are he// bent on obstruction only and they serve no useful means to our country. there!
Anne
Feb. 19th, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Rubio is just the latest tool in the GOP’s efforts to remake its image without changing their policies one iota. It’s hilarious how they latch onto one gimmick or another in their effforts to find a “savior” who will cast them in a favorable light. In spite of his ethnicity, he is just another low IQ parrot mouthing the same nonsense that most Americans rejected last November.