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Herman Cain Makes Light of Sexual Harassment on Jimmy Kimmel

By: Sarah JonesNov. 8th, 2011more from Sarah Jones

Herman Cain on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Nothing says good times like sexual harassment, right? Snort.

Herman Cain made sexual assault funny on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Also, isn’t it funny that some of these “women” go by the name “anonymous”, which clearly implies that they are not human and also, liars? Oh, he didn’t have to say that; it was implied in his Sarah Palin-esque expression of befuddled martyrdom and smug condescension. So funny, right?!

If you don’t get the joke, you too may be suffering from a failure to have a sense of humor, just like the women who apparently didn’t find it funny when Cain allegedly tried to push their head down to his genitals (really?).

“At least this one didn’t have the first name of anonymous,” Cain dead-panned to great hilarity. “The feelings that you have when you know that all of this is completely fabricated… you go from anger to disgust…there’s not an ounce of truth in all of these allegations.”

Watch here if you dare:

I don’t think we can blame Herman for being happy that the latest woman has a name other than Anonymous, as I imagine he had a hard enough (pardon the pun) time remembering all of the their names at the time, let alone years later, and imagine the confusion when they are going by the same “name”. Isn’t that cute? Hey, anonymous, there’s zero tradition of allowing sources and whistle blowers to be anonymous, so you are obviously worthless scum! Where does the Republican Party find these erudite charmers?

Still, we have to believe Herman is sincere when he urges us to take his word against these media attacks, which are obviously fabricated, since he points out the lack of journalistic integrity in using anonymous sources (Deep Throat) while not offering a shred of evidence save his own word to prove his own innocence against multiple charges from different women of sexual harassment (his word = gold, everyone else’s word = crap. Get on the bus!)

Cain went on to take visceral pleasure in how his martyrdom (aka: a Republican being held accountable) has led to him raising tons of money, and he and Jimmy got a huge laugh out of the idea that other candidates would hire women to charge them with sexual harassment if they were smart. Oh, snap! What’s a little sexual assault if you can’t make a joke about how it’s helping you raise money?

How to raise money as a Republican (be accused of doing horrible things):

You think that’s disrespectful? He’d be doing the same thing if it were his daughter some loser had groped because nothing gives men more hilarity than thinking of their daughters and wives being treated like a piece of meat by some clown and watching him laugh it up at her expense on late night TV. Snort. Anonymous! As if.

We all know Jesus was accused multiple times of waving a fish around and sneering, “You want to eat?” as he pushed a woman’s head toward his genitals. Seriously. Why you mad?

Asked about his smoking ad, Cain explained, “We have a saying in my campaign – let Herman be Herman!” Ah, that does explain everything. Let Herman be Herman no matter who gets hurt, you killjoy.

In fact, we should elect Cain as President because let’s face it, things have been way too serious over the last few years. What this country really needs is a person who can take the notion of sexual assault on to late night TV and really give the country something to snicker about. We lost Anthony Weiner, perhaps due to his failure to find the humor in his misdeeds. Must we lose Herman to the Gropenator legend that ended so badly when we discovered that multiple accusations of sexual harassment and assault really did say something about his character that perhaps ought to have been heeded?

Still, imagine the good times when Cain is in the White House and the baby from the maid comes out. Snort! We’re talking pure American exceptionalism here. And if you don’t think that’s funny, then it’s obviously a moral failing on your part and proof that Cain really is Jesus.

Boiling frogs:

Also, for all you naysayers out there, the Right has discovered dirt on the woman who came forward yesterday and while some may say that since it does nothing to disprove her allegations as it’s nothing more than a desperate ad hominem, we have to concede that if they smear one person, all four allegations are automatically false and Cain is innocent. See? Who said Republicans can’t do math or logic. Snort.

Things are a lot easier when y’all just roll with it and stop asking so many questions. 9-9-9!

I hope this late night TV joke fest answered all your questions about the character of the man running for President. You have to give him props, he has learned well from Sarah, Michele, and Ricky. He knows how to play the base, use the press asking him questions as a way to raise money and play the martyr. My only beef with the guy is that in the last clip, he used the boiling frog metaphor, an anecdote I have been assured is not exactly 100% accurate; in fact, a Doctor of Zoology declared, “The legend is entirely incorrect!”

The boiling frogs legend seems a perfect metaphor for Mr Cain’s persecution complex; only possibly accurate under extremely specific conditions that do not usually occur.

Herman Cain Makes Light of Sexual Harassment on Jimmy Kimmel was written by Sarah Jones for PoliticusUSA.
© PoliticusUSA, Nov. 8th, 2011. All Rights Reserved

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