In just a few short days Santa will be delivering presents to the nice and coal to the naughty. We were lucky enough to get a sneak peek at Santa’s list to see what some of America’s top political figures can be expecting for Christmas. There will be some surprises under the tree for Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin and others.
1). Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV)
Fran Joy: Nice – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is just that . . . nice—a little too nice. He’s up for reelection in 2010 and the stress is on. This Healthcare Reform Bill constructed by the Senate has truly been a nightmare so far. With 60 votes needed to stop any GOP filibuster, the liberal and moderate DEMs have given nice Harry Reid nothing but thorns in his side. The Blue Dog DEMS are simply the GOP in disguise. They think like, act like, lie like, and vote like the GOP—the party of “NO”—in spite of any and all compromises made by nice Senator Reid. Now, we’re left with a watered down bill that mildly resembles R E F O R M.
Sarah Jones: – Nice, Nice, Nice! Santa will stand up for Harry even though the Progressives hate him right now, because Harry managed to corral the centrists and corporacractic Dems together to get a friggin’ bill passed in spite of Joe Lieberman and the Rebiblican Thugs. Heavy liftin’, Harry! Santa has faith that the Seed will Blossom in later amendments, so Santa gives Harry a whip to amend the bill with next year.
Dog Gone: Naughty – for compromising too often, and negotiating away too much. He failed to recognize push has come to shove. Better to have let the Republicans waste their time and effort these many months filibustering something worthwhile, until they ran out of hot air, than to have gutted health care reform and caved to a strident, lying, but well organized minority. Harry, you were out-politicked!
Brandon Crow: Naughty – Basically, the man is weak and ineffective. Well, maybe impotent is better. He’s “effective” in the sense that things are done, but he doesn’t seem to have the “ganas” to really get things done with the efficacy and verve that his position should be able to accomplish, especially considering he’s got a Democratic majority and control of the White House.
Toby Green: Naughty – Reid has shown no leadership on Health care. Instead of forcing a showdown against critics of healthcare reform he has given one concession after another to the right wing.
Harry Reid almost made the Nice list, but he’ll be getting a lump of COAL in is stocking.
2). Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Fran Joy: Naughty – and totally self-involved Joe Lieberman is the worst U.S. Senator to have ever once been called a Democrat. He is not to be trusted and should be stripped of his position in the Senate. This traitor is an embarrassment to the President of the US after speaking against him at the 2008 GOP convention. As an agent of the GOP and the mighty and corrupt Insurance giants, Joe Lieberman is not a Senator who represents or cares about the people of the United States. He is a snake . . . and a very naughty one now disguised as an Independent but he’s really a GOP snitch.
Sarah Jones: Naughty – Because it’s naughty to lie. Santa defers to the Grand Lizard’s tweet re Lie: “Joe Lieberman standing for his principles on healthcare is being viciously attacked by the liberal left…what a disgrace!” It’s hard out there for a pimp, teetering between parties, getting whiplash as he justifies his flip flops based on his corporate endorsements, self-immolating beyond recognition only to be called out by damned liberals who want him to vote for the people. Droopy Joe’s finally going to embrace his love for war and terror and join the Republican party, so Santa gives the Lie a kick in the a$$ for being a sellout and happily waves goodbye.
Dog Gone: Naughty – I’d suggest a stocking full of coal, but that would be like bringing coals to New Castle – or in Lieberman’s case, bringing coals to Hell.
Brandon Crow: Naughty – Clearly, Joe is enjoying his role as Kingmaker or Spoiler. But I think he’s a little too focused about himself nowadays than he is with the good of the nation. The man should probably just officially declare his switch to the Republican Party and get it over with. Let the Dems work on electing an actual liberal to that seat in the Senate.
Toby Green: Nice – he may end up saving us from a bill that has no single payer or public option in it. Although he us doing it for all of the wrong
reasons. Human need should not be trumped by the budget.
It is going to be a bleak holiday for the naughty Lieberman.
3). Glenn Beck
Fran Joy: Naughty – Glen Beck is first and foremost a hypocrite of the worst kind. He called Obama a racist, when he, in fact, is a racist redneck hate and fear monger. Beck, disguised as a Fox news journalist, would do well in a modern day KKK. He pretends to be a passionate patriot, but he uses the tragedy of the 9/11 attacks to criticize the families of its victims and promote his anti-Obama agenda. Even though he lost millions of ad dollars after widespread protests of his bold attacks on our President, I fear that there’s enough evil and greedy people left in the U.S. to support his rantings for a long time to come.
Sarah Jones: Naughty – Patriot Glenn had a riotous year defending our freedoms from Obama God hatin’ libs, careening between terrorfests like a drunken clown. Racist Color of Change shut down his advertising revenue, but like the Morman Christ, he forged on, propelled by tears and hysteria, all the way to his failed Christmas Sweater project. He’s the only person brave enough to stand up to the racists at Acorn whilst unveiling the evils of the Obama “Oligarcy”. Glenn wins Santa’s hatriot of the year award!
Dog Gone: Nice because outside of “peopleofwalmart.com”, where else can you find someone who so consistently makes you laugh at how ridiculous HE is, AND who makes you realize that it isn’t snobbery, WE really ARE superior.
Brandon Crow: Naughty Well, nutty, more like it. Let’s face it, when you make Bill O’Reilly sound like a moderate, you’re off the deep end. And if that isn’t proof enough, when you draw crazy stuff on a chalk board that’s supposed to connect Obama’s birth certificate to socialism to the collapse of the banks to ACORN to God knows what…well, you’re not just naughty but your [you’re] certifiable.
Toby Green: Naughty – This year’s version of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly shows what would have happened had the brown shirts of Nazi Germany had cable TV. Namely, corporate sanctified persecution brought out 24 hours a day.
We’re certain that Mr. Beck will soon be claiming that Santa is conspiring against him.
4). Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
Fran Joy: Nice – Nancy just does not take crap from anyone. She sticks by her principles and maintains her focus. She is a very strong leader and quite a force to be reckoned with. Nancy is naughty enough to keep the GOP going crazy and that in of itself is remarkable. As hard as they try, the GOP can’t control her or destroy her. She stands her ground with them, the CIA, and anyone else you want to throw at her. Naughty Nancy Pelosi is a historical “Speaker of the House” and a true representation of a woman of substance, strength, and determination who works on behalf of the people of the United States.
Sarah Jones: – Nice Nancy takes a lot of crap from Liberals and Conservatives, but she keeps forging on, overcoming their desperation to destroy her no matter what they throw in her path. Last year she was maligned by the FBI to boot, and no one believed her until the facts came to her defense months after Liberals had her head on a plank in the town center. While Nancy may not be Santa’s favorite person, Santa has a soft spot for any woman who can take on the Bush FBI. Santa gives Nancy a secret tape recorder that will always be on, no matter where she is. You go, girl!
Dog Gone: Nice– because she got her part of ‘the job’ passing health care reform done in the House.
Brandon Crow: Nice – Not sure what all the griping and moaning about Pelosi has been about over the past year. I mean, conservatives have certainly singled her out for some reason, but who really understands some of these conservatives today.
Toby Green: Nice – if by nice you mean occupying a seat that Cindy Sheehan should have won in the last election cycle. The House has been more progressive than the Senate- they have started stickering their house seats with sponsors ala NASCAR style in an effort to justify their support of bank bailout plans.
Who would have guessed that Nancy Pelosi would be the first to make Santa’s Nice list?
5). Sarah Palin
Fran Joy: Naughty – Sarah began her hate mongering early in the McCain campaign with her wild accusations and lies against Obama. She has a pattern of quitting her positions, based on the lure and ambition offered by richer and greener pastures. After dumping Alaska to conquer the greater mainland, she not only avoided drowning in a number of ethics issues and legal battles, she put herself in line for the millions available to media sensations of no substance like herself. Using her family to support her claims of victimization, she markets her own brand of ridiculously constructed claims and associated falsehoods.
Sarah Jones: Nice – Santa is beguiled by the Narcissicus of the North’s lies about Death panels, quittin’ her job and then issuin’ deluded policy dictums from Facebook &Twitter and brawlin’ with Letterman. The “Little Shop of Horrors” “Wack job” “rogue diva” “sociopath” “sheer fiction”“ snake in the ground” scrappy pitbull “Wasilla Hillbilly” Bircher Secessionist has kept Americans entertained for a year whilst looting the pockets of her true believers and simultaneously raising tons of money for Democrats. Sister Sarah wins Santa’s Liar of the Year Award, but also, too, a big Nice for being Democratic Fund Raiser of the Year!
Dog Gone: Nice – because when she quit as governor of Alaska, it was like Christmas came early, with a generous extra present from Santa when Palin won the inaugural Politifact.com 2009 Lie of the Year contest.
Brandon Crow: Naughty. 1000 times naughty – The queen of the CostCo Book Tour has basically been telling and living bigger lies than Tiger Woods. Death Panels? Bus Tour? And then there’s the self important angle: Ms. “I Quit” still demands to be called governor…um… I think I’ll stop here because there’s nothing I can say that the very capable Sarah Jones of this site hasn’t already said so aptly in her numerous, piercing columns on Bible Smurf.
Toby Green: Niiiiiiiceee! – So beautiful, so much comedy, so much stupidity. She discredits the far right better than any human on earth. I love her.
You betcha!!! Santa gives a very sarcastic Nice to Sarah Palin
6). Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT)
Fran Joy: Naughty – Chris Dodd has been operating under the radar for his questionable ethics, especially his Senatorial role in association with the banking and housing industries. So far, he has squeaked through; but his reelection may be in question. As a senior Democratic senator, he inherited the position Teddy Kennedy held. We wanted him to provide the same kind of strength and leadership qualities that Ted possessed, but he seems to be falling short of Kennedy’s mission. Once he passes his own health hurdle, I hope he can help get Healthcare Reform passed. Then he might be justifiably reelected to the Senate in 2010.
Sarah Jones: Nice – Dodd had to skip his own re-election fundraiser to vote on appropriation legislation because Democrats seem to not hate government. Hmmm…..Santa hopes a miracle happens and Dodd gets re-elected, lest a Republican who just can’t say yes take his place. Santa gives Dodd her vote!
Dog Gone: Naughty – for his continuing conflicts of interest, supporting Wall Street greed while he chairs the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs.
Brandon Crow: No opinion.
Toby Green: Nice – Sure it’s likely that he is tied to big banks and is a crook. But that hairdo- my god it’s great.
Much like his political future Santa is unclear about Chris Dodd
7). Dick Cheney
Fran Joy: Naughty – as a word to describe Dick Cheney seems much too mild for a man of his level of deceit, corruption, and evilness. As a former VP, literally operating in the shadows of former President Bush, he ignored warnings of a potential terrorist attack, opened the way for a vicious attack against the U.S. on 9/11, led our country into a bogus war costing thousands of lives and billions of dollars, and operated a secret torture operation. His chief of staff was convicted of a CIA leak that resulted in the first federal conviction that close to the office of President. And now he has come out of hiding to make un-American declarations of weakness about our current President that actually create and mislead the view of other world leaders, thus placing us in a vicarious position.
Sarah Jones: Naughty Naughty Naughty – Santa is very unhappy to learn that The Dick thinks he should run his “Go F*ck Yourself!” self as President in 2012, especially after The Dick warned America that the “Ditherer” –in-Chief (That’s President to you, Dick) would not look after Americans safety and they might be attacked on his watch! See, Santa remembers Americans being attacked twice on Dick’s watch and then having all of their freedoms taken away. NO, Santa no likely The Dick. COAL for The Dick.
Dog Gone: Naughty, – for failing to understand his wrinkly old behind was voted out of office in the 2008 election, and for continuing to try to encourage and justify torture. Don’t go away mad Dick; just go away – quietly.
Brandon Crow: Naughty. WAAAAYYYY naughty – Darth Vader did plenty of damage in his tours in government. But what really makes him naughty is that as Vice President, the guy was literally and figuratively hidden away in some cave of “undisclosed location.” But now that he’s out of office, he’s got more face time on TV than “that other guy with a big head,” Jack in the Box. Is it just me or does anyone else think that Cheney’s roles should have been reversed?
Toby Green: Naughty– There is a new book out that links Cheney to the killing of John Kennedy. Makes sense, he was key in destroying American Democracy, what difference is it if he killed the best President we have had since FDR.
Santa is not one of the 20% + who approve of Dick Cheney
8). Vice President Joe Biden
Fran Joy: Nice – Joe Biden is guilty of the rare oddity of speaking the truth while holding political office. Hardworking and good natured Joe is passionate and sincere about his love for America, our military, and our middle class. He is genuine, sincere and focused on the good that he can bring to this nation and its people. Joe Biden exemplifies family values and the core principles and beliefs that America has historically represented. Hopefully, Biden will push for building that high-speed train across America. It will not only provide thousands of jobs, it will bring us up to the 21st century. Go Joe.
Sarah Jones: Nice! – Joe is the Chair of the Middle Class Task Force that the Obama administration initiated — in addition to being in charge of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. There’s something about knowing Joe is looking after hard working American families that just makes Santa feel good. And Joe’s always fought hard for women’s rights, so this Santa can’t get enough of the Joe; Say it IS so, Joe! Wink, wink. Santa hugs the gaffe prone Veep.
Dog Gone: Nice, enough – In typical veep tradition, except for the occasional faux pas comment, Biden has kept an overall lower profile than Cheney. Perhaps we will get lucky, and in 2010, they will switch roles.
Brandon Crow: No opinion – But he’s sliding towards naughty on my list. Whatever happened to “nobody messes with Joe?” Wasn’t he supposed to be the ultimate watch dog over those TARP funds? And how’s that going?
Toby Green: Forgotten – What has Joe Biden done in the last year? The man is the definition of a corporate democrat. Fortunately, he can’t do any harm in the meaningless seat known as the vice presidency.
Vice President Joe Biden squeaks on to Santa’s Nice list.
9). Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN)
Fran Joy: Naughty – Michelle Bachmann is a joke. Hold political office in our Congress as a conservative Republican, and you’re almost unrecognizable as a substantial lawmaker—especially when you have the misfortune to be Michelle Bachman who sounds like a lunatic in a Saturday Night Live Comedy skit . . . except she’s serious.
Sarah Jones: Naughty – Bush stalker and “Pro-America” investigator Michelle FEMA camp-crier and re-education camp fear-monger Bachmann has had a great year contending for Republican Clown of the year. Her coup de grace came as she lead a prayer against HealthCare Reform just days ago, and continued as she squeezed her Crazy Eyes shut to: “I just pray that You will frustrate the plans of the Evil One” (aka; Our President). Naughty Michelle; Jesus doesn’t hate the poor and the middle class. But Santa pities the ignorant that use Jesus’ name in hate.
Dog Gone: Nice – The gift that keeps on giving. Bachmann continues to provide over-the-top extremist events that are like holiday presents to sites like the Minnesota-based site “DumpMicheleBachmann.com”, who then kindly gift wrap them with pretty bows for the rest of us to enjoy, without us having to monitor her craziness full time ourselves.
Brandon Crow: Naughty – Man, talk about naughty to nutty! This girl can give Glen Beck a run for his money I am soooo hoping for a Palin/Bachmann ticket from the Republicans in 2012! Just think of it: Bible Smurf and McCarthy Smurf! What a dream ticket!
Toby Green: naughty – Sorry Michelle, you give Al Franken a bad name. Minnesota is Al Franken’s turf and you are spoiling it- bad Michelle!
Santa buries Bachmann deep down on his Naughty list.
10). President Barack Obama
Fran Joy: Naughty – President Obama has finally gotten angry, less diplomatic, and nice. After several meetings and speeches in Copenhagen for the conference on climate control, there was no solid agreement reached. But President Obama refused to leave without having made some progress, so he requested a meeting with the top leaders. To his surprise, some of the leaders were already meeting without him or had left for the airport. Naughty Barack “The Rock” Obama decided to storm the meeting and demand a verbal agreement to move forward on climate control. Before the weekend was over, Naughty Obama had handled his business, jumped on Air Force One in the midst of a coming snow storm, and made it back to the White House in time to make sure the Senate continued to progress on Healthcare Reform.
Sarah Jones: Nice — real, real nice! – In spite of a Republican party led by Rush Oxycontin Limbaugh and Glenn Cry-Wolf Beck, President Hopey has managed to accomplish more in his first 11 months than most Presidents full terms pre-WWII. Even His Steadiness Hopey couldn’t have imagined the epic disaster the Faux Cowboy and his Gang of Thugs would leave him, so Santa is leaving Hopey extra oranges! Santa loves a diplomat who knows how to spread the joy; extra points for marrying a Strong, Smart Lady and being an example of REAL Family Values for the Rebiblican Sinners. Santa loves Hopey. She just does.
Dog Gone: Naughty, – for being more willing to fight the Taliban than the opposition to Health Care Reform; and for not addressing DOMA and the status of gays in the military; and for not being more effective in getting financial services sector reform that makes an effective difference.
Brandon Crow: Nice – The dude is trying. His first year reminds of something comedian Chris Rock used to say about the OJ Simpson verdict: White people too angry and black people too happy. Well, in his first year, it seems Obama has conservatives totally pissed at him. And, in an interesting twist, he’s got liberals ticked at him. Well, I think that says the man is doing a decent job. Politics is the art of compromise; if both sides are unhappy, then I guess the man is doing some good “middle of the road” work.
Toby Green: NAUGHTY– No witty puns here. The man is a fraud. Picking up the nobel peace prize is funny enough – mostly because Alfred Nobel invented the dynamite- but then giving a speech that furthered the Bush Doctrine is hysterical. I personally voted for Obama and campaigned for him. So yes, Virgina there is a Santa Claus but there is not a man with real integrity in the White House, only a puppet of banks and the military.
Obama makes the Nice list, because Santa likes some of his recently naughty ways.