Sarah Palin’s Tweets 2 Santa

R U there, Santa? It’s me, Sarah. We’ve been VERY good all yr. We even quit our job 4good of Alaska!

Progressin’ Merica like God said in His grt constitution. Patriots everywhere, also, lovin’ this country like we do.

Built Northern “White House” in Wasilla w/$$$ from patriots 4god. Our WH w/ super big turret! Bigger than Obama’s 4sure! Obama awed by Our greatness.

Our book was #1 for 2wks (be4 returns) + we toured in God-given jet 2 see Real Merica. No global warmin’ seen there! Cold in TX!

Pointy-headed elites worry 2much. If God cared about planet, he wouldn’t be ending it in 2012. Duh.

#Earth saw clmate chnge4 ions;will cont 2 c chnges.R duty2responsbly devlop resorces4humankind/not pollute&destroy;but cant alter naturl chng.

Obama stole our book 4 Nobel Peace Prize speech. Tried 2 get away w/ it but we recognized stuff after opening our book. He talked about man! We talked about man. He talked about peace! We talked about peace.

As Santa knows, We can’t trust minorities. They R not glamorous, also, too.

Plz don’t give any toys 2 minorities. They already took my crown twice.

From Facebook, We advised Obama how 2run #war, also, too, once we figured out where Iraq was. Like it matters.

There Democrats go again! Tryin’ to make stuff seem hard. This was so easy, Santa. Serisly. We deserve maybe another house.

We encourage Mericans to ask re: his past associations, there. Also, too his birth certificate. Is he Kenyan? Fair question.

We have done; we provided Trig’s Birth Certificate. Well, We would, but Santa needs 2 leave it in stocking!

How dare anyone ask us a question. Plz get on this, Santa. U know what to do if u + elves are men enuf 2take care of things.

Also, too found many there in Real Merica wantin’ 2work 4free 4us so didn’t bother paying the Joe Six Pack Holly Hairdressers workin’ stiffs. Thnk u #God 4 my greatness.

Brawled w/ many elites and beat them up good; Letterman, Arnold, Gore, all of ‘em and any of ‘em put in front of Us; We just knocked ‘em down w/sucker punch + losers fell to floor. Watch ME ME ME win!

Mess w/ the Cuda U will Lose. Also, ugly libs like 2 talk about facts but no one cares. Ppl like my smile better than tiny starlets who don’t eat meat. God loves a winner.

Selling minted gold w/ Our Sacred Image; > $$$ for us. Have Grifter Fund running even tho’ it “violates” elitist ethics laws; If #God wanted Us 2be poor like U, he wouldn’t have blessed us w/ ability 2grift.

If U tried harder, Santa, u could also be winner like me. The elves need to get off socialist North Pole welfare candy + get real jobs. Just sayin’. #Jesus doesn’t like losers.

Plz tell #God he picked WRONG in 2008. He needs to pick ME! ME! I’m a Joe Six Pack Hockey Mam! We kicked down the door! We didn’t blink!

Patriots prayed 4 us 2win b/c #God wanted us (as in ME) in WH 2progress Merica.

Santa, #God needs 2clean out His ears. Plz get behind this. Ppl R asking questions. Also, too.

Tell #God He needs 2get His act together or We’re siccing Dept of Law on him, also too! Tell God2 stop listening 2Obama’s opposition researchers. Listen to ME! ME! ME!

Katie Couric is still runnin’ around w/ her Gotcha journalism, Santa! She is Anti-Christ 4 my fans 2destory. That was fun. But plz punish Katie.

Also, why is she so cute? We R only 1 who is cute. Plz get on this.

Also, too, please send bigger crown than Obama’s ASAP.

Love, Sarah

Gifts and Donations Should Be Sent To:

Sarah Palin
c/o The One and Only Governor of the World
666 Rural Route Real Merica, Christian Nation of Secessionists
Any and all of ‘em zip codes

Note: Most of these tweets are based off things Palin has really said. One of the tweets is EXACT. Santa will anoint progressive reader Politiucusa Reader of the Year if they can guess which one is exactly from Palin’s twitter account.

11 Replies to “Sarah Palin’s Tweets 2 Santa”

  1. […] Sarah Palin’s Tweets 2 Santa http://www.politicususa.com/en/Palin-Santa – view page – cached Sarah Palin Tweets Santa in desperate bid to regain power and set Christian World right again. And threatens God, too, “Plz don’t give any toys 2 minorities. They already took my crown twice. Pointy-headed elites worry 2much. If God cared about planet, he wouldn’t be ending it in 2012. […]

  2. “Pointy-headed elites worry 2much. If God cared about planet, he wouldn’t be ending it in 2012. Duh.”

    I win, right???

  3. […] Sarah Palin’s Tweets 2 Santa http://www.politicususa.com/en/node/7392 – view page – cached Sarah Palin Tweets Santa in desperate bid to regain power and set Christian World right again. And threatens God, too, “Plz don’t give any toys 2 minorities. They already took my crown twice. Pointy-headed elites worry 2much. If God cared about planet, he wouldn’t be ending it in 2012. […]

  4. “#Earth saw clmate chnge4 ions;will cont 2 c chnges.R duty2responsbly devlop resorces4humankind/not pollute&destroy;but cant alter naturl chng.”

    Her actual tweets are less literate than most of the parodies.

  5. but she didn’t say it ALL (she never tweeted “if God cared about the planet, he wouldn’t be ending it…”). This was a SOLID and RIGHTEOUS guess though, because we all know she THINKS that. Point head elites I believe is all hers. Good catch.

    Santa gives you major Progressive Points for bravery — weeding through Palin’s tweets is dangerous business- not to be done at home, alone!

    If this were a drinking game (and who said it wasn’t), we would both now take a shot. I’ve created a special drink for this occasion (Palintini; all sugar and no substance) and it comes with it’s own Palin Bucket, just in case:-) So cheers!

  6. You are the Politicusua Progressive Reader of the Year!

    Isn’t it sad? I found that if I parodied her correctly, it was indecipherable for the normal human…so I had to make adjustments. Even so, it did hurt my head as it was.

    Yes…she thinks an ion is an eon. She is utterly, incomprehensibly ignorant about science. And this person wrote an op-ed for WaPo re climate change being a hoax. And her dad was a science teacher!!!!!

    Shall we have another shot, just because she IS NOT in the White House?

    Cheers:-)

  7. Look at me, I’m a retarded progressive who has nothing coherent to say. Even though Sarah Palin said none of these things, wouldn’t it be dumb if she did? Wouldn’t she be stupid? What’s that? It’s all made up? Where’s something she actually said? Dunno. She is on the very edge of stupidity, that’s all I know. No qualifications, no experience, just dumb dumb dumb…dumb. So why do so many blogs and articles, journalists and politicians give her almost equivalent coverage as the president or a significant congressperson? Because she’s dumb and doesn’t know anything.

    Break break

    She may be unqualified, or have issues, but all I hear is %^dgh Ghf567 gh56 blah blah blah. A) not real bright of a criticism, and B) thanks for clouding up the issue with crassness. Not a lot of help, people.

  8. “even though Sarah Palin said none of these things”.

    Epic Fail.

    Why do you guys do this to yourselves? We know reading is not your forte.

    You might try going to WalMart, I hear they’re having a deal on a two-for-one sense of humor especially for conservatives. It helps them understand that war isn’t funny or fun, and introduces them to satire — a much less deadly game.

    Happy Kwanzaa, friend.

  9. “AKs Winter solstice=today begins season of lighter/brightr days. May it b in Washington,too=more light so r govt’s actions can lift up America.”

    Oh my god. Not just AK’s solstice, Sarah.

  10. North to Alaska: Sarah Palin’s Home State to House “Northern White House”

    http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2543953/north_to_alaska_sarah_palins_home_state.html?cat=58

    North to Alaska: Sarah Palin’s Home State to House “NorthernWhite House” in 2500 A.D
    January 05, 2010 by Biko Lang Biko Lang Published Content: 2 Total Views: 72 Fans: 0 View Profile | Follow | Add to Favorites Single pageFont SizePost a comment Share Popular searches: YouTube | Rihanna | Tiger Woods | Search more
    Climate Refugees Will Flood the 49th State in Next 500 Years as U.S. Government Moves North
    If the predictions of British scientist James Lovelock are any guide to the future, climate change and global warming are unstoppable now, and the next 500 years will bring major changes to life on Earth as we know it now. Billions of people from central and temperate regions will move north, Lovelock says, finding refuge in climate refuges known as polar cities in Alaska and Canada.

    Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin does not believe in Lovelock’s predictions, preferring to base her life and thinking on the baseless predictions of the Bible and the debunked ideas of Intelligent Design. While she believes that global warming is real, she also believes it is caused not by men and their machines but by the natural cycles of the Sun and Moon.

    But with her head in the sand, Palin — widely tipped to be the Republican candidate for the 2012 presidential elections in the USA — cannot fathom the ideas of Dr Lovelock. Nor can she fathom the ideas of a former Alaskan resident named Danny Bloom who bills himself as “a modern-day climate Jeremiah” on blogs and websites worldwide. Bloom, taking his cue from interviews with Lovelock, is predicting that millions, perhaps billions, of climate refugees will flood Alaska in the coming centuries, beginning around 2121 A.D. and continuing until well in what he calls “The Great Interruption” (a 10,000-year period in which all of mankind will migrate north to polar cities in the Arctic regions in order to serve as breeding pairs for the survival of the human species).

    Bloom says that as the Earth heats up in the next 100 to 500 years, temperatures will rise, sea levels will rise, food will become scarce in the Lower 48 due to soaring temperatures in agricultural areas and millions of Americans (and Mexicans) will move “north to Alaska”. The modern-day climate Jeremiah predicts that these events will not signal the end of the world but the beginning of a new chapter in human history, with a lot hanging on the outcome.

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