Republican Party

Gold Digging Tea Party Gals Rolling in Dough

Tea Party Girls: It's all about the Money Honey

Tea Party Gals Rolling in Dough

Money numbers are in and it looks like our ladies of the far Right are being amply rewarded for their sublimely obtuse renditions of Poujadist Puppetry as candidate routines. Tea Party candidates Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell both pulled in a ton of cash in the last few months. And you were wondering what those Brawny paper towels were good for. But please, don’t think these girls are just in it for the money. No, no, they care, honest they do.

Sharron Angle has been rewarded for her scary brown skinned campaign by 14.3 million dollars in donations in the last quarter, nearly three times that of her Republican opponent (aka, the saner R not to be confused with sane). The breathless pace of Angle’s take far outpaces any record set by a Nevada candidate, including Reid. It’s sort of that shoot first vet later mentality that worked so well during the 2008 campaign. But anyway, the numbers don’t lie! Don’t tell me her ignorance isn’t equal to his expertise.

That’s a whole lotta money pouring in to help the rape and incest victim lemonade maker get into position so she can beat Reid, the third spoke on the anti-Christ wheel. Sharron’s scrappy refusal to appear on TV without hawking her gold pyramid scheme (give Angle all your cash because she’s for the little people, insert laugh here) is paying off!

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Sharron Angle: because nothing says Christian like bigotry and ignorance combined with low–level, always simmering, swinishly Neanderthal, racially targeted verbal violence.

And then we have cute Christy in Delaware, smiling her way into riches. Christine O’Donnell has been gifted with more than 3 million dollars for the quarter, which is good since I hear she’s looking at upgrading her house. Oh, I kid! I’m sure she’s going to use that money on important things like denying she’s a witch, because that is so the issue of the year. O’Donnell raised this money in just two weeks. Gosh, it pays to have super wealthy “friends” (come on, corporations count as friends) who need you to go to DC to be their puppet.

They say Christine has “I am you’d” her way to another million so far this quarter, because nothing says competence like a previous satanic altar sex-having witch running on an anti-masturbation platform who found Jesus only because she likes meatballs. And yes, she really does love you and no this isn’t about the money, how could you think that?

Ovaries, a pair of glasses and the ability to talk without making any sense while simultaneously threatening several precariously situated countries and insulting your own heritage as an American is simply all the rage this season. Be a Tea Party gal and we’ll roll ya’ in dough.

Hey, you know, this is some real glass ceiling shattering now that I think about it. These girls don’t have to just sell themselves out to one man, they get to go to Big Daddy’s pocketbook over and over and over again, and then steal from the non-alpha males too! Win, win! Talk about feminism!

I see the tarnished lust of a gold-digger from my kitchen window and I think, wow, progress has come to America and it’s wearing a tea bag.

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