Shut Up Barbie: The New Feminism of the Far Left

Shut Up Barbie: the New Feminism of the Far Left

Shut Up Barbie might remind you of Sarah Palin in her most immediate qualities: she, too, is sexy and cuddles up to big daddy for approval and attention but the super cool thing about Shut Up Barbie is that she isn’t ignorant! Yes, Shut Up Barbie comes with a book and she can talk well at parties. In other words, she’s the perfect companion for “liberal” Ken. She’s cute, she’s sassy, she’s smart, but she knows when to shut up.

Shut Up Barbie would never, for instance, get angry when her rights are laughed at. Oh, no! Shut Up Barbie joins in the with boys like a Big Girl when they dismiss and diminish in their smug, self-righteous tones why “this rape isn’t rape.” Shut Up Barbie knows that in order to get along, she’s got to go along – and no one likes an angry woman.

Anyway, isn’t this the new face of feminism? She’s happy! She’s sexy! She’ll dance on a pole for you and apparently, you can also too have sex with her while she sleeps and she’ll not utter a peep!

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I tell you I’m so moved and impressed – who woulda thought that all it would take to take back the word feminism from all of the ugly connotations is giving up on your major principles! And the real win is that so long as you are willing to give up your sense of self and engage in the diminishment of your pals, the boys will trot you out to speak for them in order to them give pseudo fem cred.

Here’s where Shut Up Barbie and Sarah Palin meet: Both are in this for their own benefit, not the cause. Both know how to WIN and you don’t WIN by bucking the patriarchal kings who run things like cable shows that you might want to get your sleek hair on so you can purr about how awful it would be for good men to perhaps have to spend a few years in jail for rape, right after you shake your head that no, sex without a condom while a woman is sleeping is most certainly not rape. After all, she woke up eventually!

For an added bonus, Shut Up Barbie will speak in serious tones about the damage being done to a Hero’s reputation while at the same time, letting it slip her mind that she is damaging some women’s reputations along with the cause with sly references to set-ups and not real rape while in the background, “this is how you do it” plays as she uses her sublime beauty to sell this myth. Oh, the sexiness of it all! And the mens are so happy. This is a feminist they can get behind (har har, pun intended!)! They all agree, in this fight, the sexy one who agrees with them won!

And the mens all beam at Shut Up Barbie, because they want to believe themselves better than the conservative men who suck up Sarah Palin’s toe lint with all of its mommy dominatrix charm. They know they are superior to those morons. They pride themselves on finding “smart” women attractive. And all it took was finding a gorgeous Shut Up Barbie to conspire with them to show just how angry, wrong, and hysterical these “radical feminists” are who dared to ask that alleged rape victims not be blamed for what may be the agenda of some government officials.

Sadly, some evil radical feminists who actually thought they owned their own bodies and had some right to dignity and protection under the law got all “tizzied up” and took to twitter, causing said boys to have to make this all go away super fast. Shut Up Barbie was VERY helpful at this point, bringing a level of condescension heretofore unseen by a liberal woman to another liberal woman. And here you thought only Sarah Palin could hate on womens like that!

So what if the groupies of said hero, otherwise known as your fellow party members, engaged in death threats and nasty tweets generously employing language not fit to print about and to these angry feminists? Hello, these girls so deserved that for opening their mouths! Free speech, my friends, is not to be engaged in without permission and you must pick the right cause if you’re going to go out on a limb and start talking without permission. We care about your “thoughts” so long as they do not cause us any angst, get in our way, or make us think. I thought we covered that above. Do try to keep up.

And then of course we got the boys petulantly explaining to us all how “I know a rape victim so I would never be guilty of being a rape apologist”, which rings eerily like the Right Wing “I know a gay person and I like them but I don’t think they should have any rights. What’s your problem?” But shhhhhh! Don’t ask. Don’t tell.

Then, the angry mean horrible women who were insisting that their tweets be heard got a sort of acknowledgment from One Film Hero, while The Great Hero walked back his accusations from across the ocean and still another TV Hero was raged into at least considering that if rape happened that might be bad. I can’t understand why you keep insisting that these white men might know little about hate crimes or being a minority.

And they say progress is dead. Ladies, while it may appear that the white male leaders of your party have abandoned you, realize they are but the minority. Sure, they have all of the power, I mean, what kind of world would this be if you actually had equal power and representation? Ha-ha, surely your “tizzies” would make you unfit to lead. Goodness, you might even get mad at a man and try to take sexual revenge with your golden honey pot of irresistible nectar. Evil temptress!

Since some of you do it, all of you must be colored with this taint but don’t go thinking that you can apply that same logic in reverse! Just because some men rape women, don’t suggest all men rape women. Fine distinctions abound and it is incumbent upon you to realize that you must never be guilty of smearing a He Who Shall be Worshiped by requesting that your fellow party members do not smear alleged victims who never even wanted to have Hero charged in the first place. No, no, the thing to do is to toss out a few lines of smirk about how they still spoke to him after and we all know that no rape victim ever speaks to the rapist after, even though 70-80 percent of rapes occur among people who know each other and most of those go unreported so yes, they do speak to the rapist afterward and swallow their pain so they can go along to get along. But hush, now, that’s not real rape and you know it!

Anyway, girls, let Shut Up Barbie be lesson to you all. Good girls, especially liberal girls, know when to shut up. Any time you see the boys’ mouths movin’ and a hailin’ their recent cult hero, you best get out of the way and start baking some metaphorical bread to welcome their hero home, to your bed if you must, knowing as we do that all women love a good ride at any time if the man is famous. What ever you do, do not start nattering on about boring things like your rights. They get it! OK? They just do not want to hear about it. How hard is that to understand?

Oh, sweetie, you’re so much prettier when you smile. Come on, now….it’s just a joke about a broken condom! Didn’t you see her picture? Where’s your sense of humor? What’s an STD or two when we’re saving the world? Surely you don’t mind. The boys are lining up for them!

Well, if you’re going to be difficult you’re going to force us to tell you what Shut Up Barbie never forces us to tell her! Appearances of respect for your opinion are for SHOW and most certainly do not apply when you make the man uncomfortable. If you insist on speaking about dull things like the time you were raped but it wasn’t rape but it was sort of rape (we have determined the meaning of rape and it changes based up on who does it, ladies…so you really need to come to the party!) or how rape allegations should be discussed in the media and by our fellow party members when the boys are doing important things, you deserve all of the condescension dealt out by Shut Up Barbie.

They only haul you out at parties and events to appear like they stand for equal rights! How dare you assume they meant it. The liberals love you on Election Day, sweetie. It’s the rest of the time that they want you to shut up.

Smile, now.

Special Note to any rape victims reading: Being raped is not shameful and it’s not your fault. It is a crime to rape someone. It is not a crime to report rape; it is your choice and your right. Please don’t allow the disgraceful behavior of a few to frighten you into not seeking help. You have rights and your body belongs to you. Any person who honors you as a human being will not have sex with you when you are not fully engaged and/or if the conditions of permission have changed. For confidential support, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE or go online to RAINN.

*Due to the high level of violations of terms of service in the comment section lately, all comments are being moderated before posted. Comment moderation is at the sole discretion of the moderators.

Sarah Jones

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