The 2012 GOP Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse Invade An Indifferent Illinois

Call it the raucous caucus as the opening of Missouri’s long and confusing Republican Presidential nominee selection process got off to a rollicking “what’s your emergency?” start as 2 Ron Paul supporters, were read their Miranda rights in St. Charles, after a disagreement over caucus chairpersons. A video camera somehow triggered some kind of melee that ended with the arrests.

While the actual caucuses were held Saturday, March 17th, we won’t know the final results until the winner is announced in two parts April 21st and June 2nd. From now on it’s all primaries so we may shed Ron’s rowdies fairly soon. Santorum won a Missouri non-binding primary vote easily back in February. I would expect no less once the Missouri official results are in. Skipping Puerto Rico, let’s go directly to the March 20th Illinois primary and its 69 delegates. Santorum tells anybody who’ll listen that if he wins Illinois, he wins the nomination. Big talk for somebody as far behind in the delegate count as the flaming heterosexual.

As I write about the latest Republican Presidential Primary efforts of these modern-day Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, all of whom represent conquest (the nomination) followed by war (including isolationist Paul as it turns out), famine and death should any of them get elected, I’m trying to get a read on what’s going to happen in the ‘Land of Lincoln’ come Tuesday.

Let’s start with the Windy City. Chicago and New York are tied for the most fascinating political cities of our time. We’ll take a close look at Gotham when we get there April 24th. For now, it’s Chicago and the Daley machine, the Daley kid, Harold Washington, Council wars, Dead Man Walking – to the polls to vote for Kennedy and that young whipper-snapper, terrorist loving, Kenyan father, white mother, socialist, Muslim-named Barack somethinerother.

Early voting numbers in the city and throughout the state seem to indicate indifference. There’s not any great rush to the polls in early voting compared to four years ago. That can be somewhat misleading insofar as democrats looking at a very skinny ballot are certainly not going to turn out in the same numbers as the Obama/Hillary contest of 2008. Chicago is democrat central. Over three/quarters of registered voters in Chicago are democrats. Do you think it means squat whether Romney, Santorum or Gingrich takes the Chicago republican primary vote with zero chance in the general?

The rooty-snooty northern burbs of Kenilworth, Lake Forest, South Barrington, Glencoe and Inverness with their garages stuffed with Phantoms and Maybachs (of course you haven’t heard of them, you sub-$1 million annually loser) may garner Mitt the 1% vote. Surprisingly, Romney may capture the collar counties as well.

Then there are the downstate right-wing home-schooled enclaves tailor-made for Jesus’ identical twin, Santorum. This vote might be closer than some suspect, but Santorum should get enough of the Rush/O’Reilly vote to prevail.

The talking heads and writing hands will continue to expound on the deep-seated meaning of a Romney win in Podunk Acres or the fact Santorum took Hickydoo Hollow, but really folks, what should we look for here? The first thing is to look to the future. Romney’s sits there with about 500 delegates needing 1144 by convention time. Santorum has less than half the Romney total and Gingrich and Paul are going from state to state with their feet dangling from an open freight car door.

Louisiana is the last big deal for Santorum for a while. Katrina, BP, Cheap Mardi Gras beads? Now Santorum? Haven’t these people suffered enough? Yes, the flaming heterosexual has already spent a considerable amount of time in Louisiana with its March 24th primary, 46 delegates and fellow wing-nut, Governor Bobby Jindal.

I mean how many governors have had a personal encounter with a demon (other than Sarah) as Jindal claimed from his college days? Like Newt, Bobby is a converted Catholic.  He was a Hindu until his early 20’s BUT…is he REALLY a Catholic or does he harbor his hindu roots deep in his soul? Does he believe, as does the Hindu religion, that violence cannot harm the soul? That killing is not a fault and there’s no reason not to kill people, nor should you be sorry for those you’ve killed. Steady Rick; I wouldn’t stand too close to the governor unless you’re seeking an exorcism. Like Obama, maybe he’s really NOT A CHRISTIAN! Check it out Tea Party with the same zeal as you check out Obama. Thank you!

Of course there are a number of spiritual codicils in this Hindu death document that further clarify what I have intentionally taken out of context to prove a point; the same as with the Qu’ran might I say. Hinduism at its core condemns violence. War may only be allowed in self-defense and the warrior will go to hell if sick or old or children or women are attacked. And never attack from behind. Right-wingers delight in pumping up the bellicosity of the Qur’an siting 9:5. But just like Hinduism taken out of context, there’s more; Qur’an 2:190;  just as there is, parenthetically, in the Christian tradition where you might not want to stop with Old Testiment Exodus where lack of purity and strict obedience might just get you flat-lined.

I really think Santorum has an excellent chance in Louisiana. Jindal is every bit as nuts as Rick as noted from above. It doesn’t end there. Want to teach Intelligent Design in Louisiana public schools? Have at it my brother. Hate Obamacare? You’ve come to the right place.  Homophobia? Jindal’s all in. The Santorum/Jindal parallels are a joy to behold.

And talk about making lemons into lemonade. In the wake of the devastating (cheery TV ad buys notwithstanding) BP  multi-million barrel oil spill that cost the Louisiana economy billions, destroyed vast expanses of the ecology and decimated shrimp, oyster and crab counts among countless other insults to nature, comes the lemonade of MORE OF THE SAME. Yes, the pro-Santorum super PAC, Red, White and Blue Fund is financing TV commercials touting more drilling and oil pipelines. The move also marks what may be the gradual transitioning from Santorum’s incoherent social policies to a campaign of mostly economic issues.

After some probable success in Louisiana, there is a succession of states that would not appear to be as friendly to Santorum with the exception of his own. Most of the states are in the eastern part of the country where voters are arguably harder to fool.

Oh, oh – gotta run. Here comes a Paul supporter and he’s got that look in his eye.













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