Mo’ Money, No Personality: Watch Mitt Romney Get Palined

Last updated on April 11th, 2012 at 09:17 am

Every presidential election, Saturday Night Live jumps back into mainstream relevance with scathing skits that encapsulate and amplify the front-runners’ weakest points for posterity. This time they’ve done it to Mitt Romney and it’s as devastating as Tina Fey’s Palin was in 2008.

Here’s SNL’s Mitt Romney, “We don’t believe you!”

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That was painful.

It almost summarized the “marvelous” budget, my good buddy who owns NASCAR, our vacation home needs a lobbyist because I need a car elevator, we’re just like you because my wife has two Cadillacs, kill Planned Parenthood! I love to fire people, 19k a year is a great middle class job, I’m going to kill the unions for the liberty, don’t hate me because I’m better than you. I was for the auto bailout before I was against it and now I’m against it but taking credit for it! I love women, I just don’t think they should be able to make medical decisions” primary gaffes.

Mitt Romney just makes it so easy, with his etch-a-sketch chameleon routine on top of his Duck from Mad Men stiff, ambitious, back-stabbing awkwardness and sloppy, ugly alter-ego.

My favorite Mitt Ro routine is when he takes his jacket off to be a “man of the people.” It is quite possible that no one has ever looked so out of place and so cynically styled down as Romney.

Remember, this is the guy who took a cheap shot at NASCAR fan’s inexpensive rain gear, “I like those fancy raincoats you bought,” he mocked. “Really sprung for the big bucks.” In Romney’s world, everyone has a freshly steamed Burberry trench with their driver. It’s just pure laziness that you chose to wear Wal-Mart plastic.

Silly you. Now go and be a good little Republican and vote for Mitt Ro ‘cuz you know you want to have a bottle of private vineyard white burgundy with him on the private Mittens jet with the monogrammed seats (renting a jet is so tacky) on the way to the ballgame that his friend owns. It’s all so every day American!

Who is Mitt Romney? Even he doesn’t know. Mitt Ro tells the press, “I just am who I am.”

Thanks for clearing that all up, Willard Mitt Romney; the liberal Republican very conservative Republican who voted Democrat just the once but not because he wanted to and is against the individual mandate even though he practically invented it.

Saturday Night Live is going to do the nation a favor by making Mitt Romney interesting enough to wake us up before it’s over. He might look boring and sound boring, but underneath boring guy is duplicitous guy, and duplicitous guy is kind of interesting in that we-want-to-see-you-brought-down way.

Let the games begin.

Update 3:11 PM: Corrected to reflect that Romney called the budget marvelous not magnificent.

Sarah Jones

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