Behind Every Republican There Is a Woman Who Is Probably Sharper than He Is

While we’re on the subject of wives thanks to the politically intemperate statements of Hilary Rosen, let’s take a closer look at the spouses of the current crop seeking the Republican presidential nomination. Oh, I know Santorum’s dropped out, but he’s already campaigning for 2016 so let’s keep him in the mix. I’m also aware that Gingrich and Paul are toast, but they’re keeping themselves in the pack so I will too.

Quick, what’s Mrs. Paul’s first name? Give up? It’s Carol. Probably the only thing you’ve heard about Carol is that she once got jostled by a press mob in a diner in Manchester, New Hampshire.

I heard a 20-minute interview with Mrs. Paul conducted by a religious broadcaster. She wasn’t reticent about going on and on as if happy that someone actually cared about what she thought. I doubt the interviewer asked more than a half-dozen questions.  She seemed to have grown accustomed to talking about 2 subjects and 2 subject only; her husband and her family. I would say 90% of the interview involved talking about her husband. There’s nothing wrong with that; after all he wants to be president and the perspective of the wife of 55 years is a legitimate source of inquiry. But if you’re looking for a sophisticated Carol Paul worldview, it ain’t there.

I have a feeling you’d be very comfortable in the company of this 76-year-old wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother and I’m betting she’s a really good cook. She attended college ‘part-time’, worked as a secretary, learned cake decorating (how down-home is that?) and once ran a dance studio from her basement to help out Ron as a fledgling doctor.  That pretty much defines Carol Paul.

Let’s move on to her polar opposite. Most of you know her first name, Callista. And most of you also know of her distinctive platinum blond hair that once described as ‘Lego snap-on hair that is tornado resistant’ (see Ann, you’re not the only one picked on). Slightly off-topic, I loved’s description of Newt as a ‘Goblin with Gigantism’.

Back to Callista who once served as yet another Gingrich mistress, for 6 years no less, before he finally shed the 2nd wife and married Callista in 2000. She was working for the House Committee on Agriculture when she started rutting around with Gingrich. So, Newt’s deeply-spiritual Catholic conversion initiated by Catholic Callista notwithstanding, fidelity wasn’t a priority with this pair’s adulterous pre-nuptial liaisons.

In a colossal demonstration of hypocritical chutzpa, the pair co-authored a book entitled “Rediscovering God in America.” It actually sold pretty well. She also sings in her church choir.

Callista is 46, 23 years Newt’s junior. She’s a music major – Luthern College, Decorah, Iowa cum laude who became an intern for a Wisconsin Representative right after graduation. She currently sings in her church choir.

Callista is writing a children’s book. Something about what an exceptional country we live in. She and Newt also have some kind of Production Company that she heads. She’s supposedly an accomplished photographer as well, not to mention possessing mad golf skills. What can’t this girl do?  Stay away from married men apparently.

You could probably tolerate sitting next to her at a Dinner Party. You could talk music and media and Tiffany’s and get along just fine. When the topics got around to religion and politics, you just remembered your baby-sitter has to be home by 9.

Since he’s arguably the nuttiest (ex) candidate and will undoubtedly make another run in ’16, I’m most interested in the kind of woman who would marry Rich Santorum. His family always looks like cardboard cutouts standing behind him. Same postures, same expressions, same applause lines. But that’s really not Karen Santorum. She’s smart as a whip and I suspect, a one-time progressive. As most of the world knows, she lived with aging obstetrician Tom Allen for six years when she was in her 20’s. He was 41 years older. I’ve seen pictures of Tom Allen. Seems like a likeable guy, but not all that handsome with ‘Great Wall of China’ Teeth (back in the day anyway) and a whiter than white beard. He was also an abortion provider. Want weird? Allen DELIVERED her!

Karen started out as an RN and later graduated law school. If you told me she’s a lot sharper than her husband, I’d tend to agree with you. She’s the mother of 7 surviving children; there was one miscarriage. She’s the real piker in the family, however as her mother bore 12 children.

She’s highly articulate and defends her husband’s stands, particularly on women’s issues, frequently in media interviews. She characterizes him as ‘brilliant’. Must be a mighty low threshold for ‘brilliant’ in the Santorum household. No ‘brilliant’ human being could ever hold the views that he professes to believe in. But Karen must be a fervent believer in that old Tammy Wynette standard,  “Stand by Your Man” because that’s what she does and continues to do even though the campaign has collapsed. Shouldn’t that give her a clue?

The last wife has already received a year’s worth of coverage in the last few days – Ann (no ‘e’) Romney. I and most other commentators and pundits have already given our opinions about the Hilary Rosen comments, so let’s get past that for the purpose of this submission. Ann gives a good introductory speech and with her money has purchased an excellent public persona for TV, video and still cameras. Her 63rd birthday is April 16th.

I’m about to get unapologetically shallow here. Ann looks terrific. But having been in front of cameras for many years of my own media life, I have a pretty good idea of how she arrived at terrific. That’s a botoxed forehead for sure. And I see few bags or lines under those eyes. There’s also that tell-tale shine and bump of silicone cheek injections or implants.

She’s invariably immaculately coiffed and also seems in good shape in spite of her health problems. As an accomplished equestrian, regular riding probably accounts for most of that maintenance

If you ever wonder what Ken and Barbie are going to look like in their mid-60’s, look no further than Mitt and Ann.

So that’s my cursory account of ladies that would be first. I still like Grandma Carol the  best!





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