Republican Party

From Blaming God to Epilepsy: the Right Wing’s Obamacare Armageddon Meltdown

Last updated on July 1st, 2012 at 10:00 am

The problem with being enraged and hyperbolic all of the time is when something big happens, there’s nowhere new to go. No new big mountain of crazy to scale.

After the Supreme Court knocked down the Right’s claim that Obama is an unconstitutional Socialist who wants Americans to live (oh, criminal!), they had nowhere new to turn. After all, for years they’ve been claiming that Obamacare was a reason to take to arms and rise up against the “tyranny” of socialism. Where do you go after threatening insurrection? You double down impotently on your previous chicken little…

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From threatening to move to Canada to assuage their socialist-hating hearts (I kid you not) to claiming that Justice Roberts is suffering from “cognitive dissociation” due to an epilepsy drug that they have no reason to think he actually takes, to beating their heads against the Russia wall only to bounce back and break their skulls on Socialism again, the Right is in total meltdown mode.

Buzzfeed caught them threatening to move to Canada to rebel against the Socialism (you’d laugh only you quickly realize that these people vote and this sobers you beyond any picture of John Boehner’s sour face):

Walter Weldon @WallyWeldon
I’m moving to Canada, the United States is entirely too socialist.

Van Summers @VanSummers
#SCOTUS holds up free healthcare for everyone?! Screw this commie country, I’m moving to #Canada #whoswithme

Phieona @angelbaby009
Individual mandate upheld, this fudging ridiculous. I’m marrying a Canadian n moving to Canada 🖀

Kyle Berger @kberger2124
Moving to Canada #supremecourtruling

Jacqua Flocka @JacquaFlocka
God literally fu*k this. I’m moving to Canada. Jump off a cliff @Obama.

How does God literally fu*k this? We hope the patriots enjoy the healthcare for all and gun-regulated Canada, but we fear that Canada is too wise to clean up the results of America’s defunded public schools.

Here’s Fox saying that America is starting to seem like Russia, countered by no, it’s Socialism! Head-banging danger: HIGH.

From the June 29 edition of Fox News’ Fox & Friend courtesy of Media Matters:

Then the Drudge Report went after Chief Justice John Roberts as if he worked for NPR or Planned Parenthood. Real Clear Politics reported on Michael Savage’s (as in, the man who is barred from certain European countries due to his hate speech) claim, which Drudge linked to as proof that Roberts is suffering from cognitive problems:

“Let’s talk about Roberts. I’m going to tell you something that you’re not going to hear anywhere else, that you must pay attention to. It’s well known that Roberts, unfortunately for him, has suffered from epileptic seizures. Therefore he has been on medication. Therefore neurologists will tell you that medication used for seizure disorders, such as epilepsy, can introduce mental slowing, forgetfulness and other cognitive problems. And if you look at Roberts’ writings you can see the cognitive dissociation in what he is saying,” Michael Savage said on his radio program this evening.

Media Matters
complied the various sources Drudge linked to, which basically amounts to the equivalent of a Glenn Beck chalkboard smear.

Roberts has reportedly had a seizure in 2007 and one 14 years before that. This must mean that he is on medication (even though he has never confirmed if he does indeed have epilepsy let alone takes medication for it), and some of those medications might cause some side effects that OH NOES CHICKLEN LITTLES EXPLAIN HIS CRAZY RULING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s not that ObamaCare is Constitutional, it’s the DRUGS!

Then Rush Limbaugh took a turn in the super crazy chair after disappointing America yet again by not making good on his promise to move to Costa Rica if healthcare reform was passed. Rush hyperventilated that we now have Death Panels and they are aimed at Conservatives!

From the June 28 edition of Premiere Radio Networks’ The Rush Limbaugh Show via Media Matters:

Not to be outdone by Rush, Mike Vanderboegh — the ex militia member who threatened an armed insurrection against the U.S. government and is behind the Fast and Furious debacle — decided that ObamaCares is just another reason to threaten the government (not that he is mentally unstable or anything– there are just a ton of reasons why he wants to terrorize his own government- wave flag!). THIS while Republicans are touting his craziness as the justification for their contempt proceedings against Eric Holder:

“You may call tyranny a mandate or you may call it a tax, but it still is tyranny and invites the same response.” He further predicts the response of his ilk: “If we refuse to obey, we will be fined. If we refuse to pay the fine, we will in time be jailed. If we refuse to report meekly to jail, we will be sent for by armed men. And if we refuse their violent invitation at the doorsteps of our own homes we will be killed — unless we kill them first. … I am on record as advocating the right of defensive violence against a tyrannical regime.”

Issa must be so proud, eh? Pallin’ around with terrorists, indeed.

Speaking of Pallin’ Around Sarah, she was finally able to insert God into a sentence that both failed to demonize a specific person and didn’t suggest that God wanted Sarah to be President. Growth? Hope? Palin took to her Facebook cave yesterday to write, “Thank you, SCOTUS. This Obamacare ruling fires up the troops as America’s eyes are opened. Thank God.”

Sure, she followed that up with her usual crazy lies that we already debunked yesterday based on her tweet – the freedom dying and the Kenyan lying – it was almost heartwarming how she worked in Republicans’ main talking point that ObamaCare is the “biggest tax increase in history” – which is like, forever! Only not as big as Reagan’s taxes, and when one says “tax increase” one assumes it is both a tax and an increase, but naturally, it is not a tax – it is a fee— and yes, I know it’s hard for conservatives to follow the Constitution but taxes and fees are legal, and people who can’t afford health insurance will not pay a fine for not purchasing it.

Still, I was pleased for Ms. Palin for managing to thank God for something other than her own career trajectory, though in all honesty, there isn’t much for her to appreciate on that front, but she can hardly blame God for that. Can she?

To sum the conservative headbanging crazy up for you, God made Chief Justice Roberts take that epilepsy medication which clouded his judgment which made him rule in favor of the Constitution instead of being all activisty and this was God’s way of imposing upon the American people the biggest tax increase in the history of the world (Rush’s words) so that Republicans could win in November 2012. God thinks it’s okay to make America over into Russia/Socialist country if it’s to prove a point that Mitt Romney should be elected.

God also wants his children to take refuge from the Socialism in Canada, where they might learn about the benefits of it – er, can rail on about healthcare while partaking in it – er, for the freedom. They can move back to America in November after Romney is elected for God, and they’ll be the better for it.

Rush and a posse of conservatives might be killed at the hands of the Death Panels, but this too must be God’s plan to get Republicans elected this November. God literally fu*ked this! Conservatives will fight back with armed insurrection killing anyone who might want to kill them via Death Panels or scary monsters under the bed, but guns don’t kill people, people kill people. (Don’t look to Arizona gun laws to figure out why those guns were a walkin’.)

Heck, God knows what’s best. The cracked skulls of the martyrs of crazy are making some noise, Internets! They’re not retreating; they’re reloading, reloading, reloading! FIRE in the hole!

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think God was perfectly clear yesterday; she wants these nut jobs to move to Canada, where they will be quickly separated from their security blanket guns once and for all, thereby saving the rest of us from their tyranny for the freedom. Oh, and the liberty — sweet Canadian exile liberty.

Image: Daily Kos

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