Colbert Nails it: ‘None of the Above’ is a Better Choice Than Romney for Republicans

Last updated on July 19th, 2012 at 06:49 pm

It’s pretty clear at this point that quite a few Republicans are realizing they’re stuck with Mitt Romney. I mean, the reality is sinking in. And I do mean sinking.

Romney isn’t looking like much to root for at the moment. It’s unclear whether Republicans driven purely by hatred for Obama have noticed by now that Romney never says the same thing twice, but when you’re the Republican presidential nominee (and Romney is sure to be) and George F. Will not only says Romney is losing the argument on Bain Capital but criticizes him for not releasing his tax returns, it’s time to reassess his approach.

As Sarah Jones wrote here the other day, the Romney campaign is turning into the Republican Party’s worst nightmare. But to paraphrase the Beef Council: Romney. It’s what’s for nomination. Not a palatable choice when so many people are asking, where’s the beef?

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But the GOP is stuck with Romney now. We’re past the point at which they can reasonably say, “Oh my God, what have we done?” Most people would say that with the final sputtering of Ron Paul in Nebraska, Romney has a clear and unimpeded shot at the nomination.

But Stephen Colbert says, not so fast – at least in Nevada. Watch the video from The Colbert Nation:

“You know, after two years and billions of dollars, our presidential election is going to come down to a few undecided voters in key swing states. The fate of our country is now in the hands of the people who don’t think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonalds.

“And one of those key swing states is Nevada where, since 1978, their presidential election ballot gives voters the option to choose ‘none of the above’. But now folks, the Nevada Republican Party has gone to court to have ‘none of the above’ taken off the ballot because, as the National Journal put it, “In Nevada, ‘none’ is a fearsome foe for the GOP”.

“That’s right; Nevada Republicans are scared that none of the above could take votes from Mitt Romney. And folks, I tell ya, I think they’ve got grounds here. Remember, Mitt’s not telling us how he’s going to fix the economy, or what tax-loopholes he’s going to close or what his immigration policy is going to be. The whole message of his campaign is ‘I’m not Barack Obama’ and you can’t get more ‘Not Barack Obama’ than no-one.

“And folks, this guy, this guy right here, he’s got the conservative credentials that Romney lacks.  I mean, you wanna talk small government this guy believes in ‘none’ government. And here’s what I think Romney’s gotta do:  ‘none of the above’ is so appealing to Republican voters I believe Mitt Romney has gotta choose him as his running mate. I mean, look at who he is considering now:  Portman, Pawlenty and Jindal? They wish they had the charisma of ‘none of the above’.

“Although of course I can’t say for sure that ‘none of the above’ would even accept the VP slot because despite repeated calls he has not made himself available to the press, which kinda makes you wonder if there’s nothing he’s not hiding.”

Romney is a guy who won’t run based on his record as governor of Massachusetts. He can’t do that. As governor of Massachusetts Romney was basically a liberal. Fellow candidate Newt Gingrich called him a liberal governor;  World Net Daily complains he was liberal-friendly;  the Washington Post says that while governor, Romney went to efforts to reassure liberals. Who reassures liberals? You don’t reassure them – you bend them to your will. As the Tea Party would say, this isn’t about reassurance; this is about complete and total domination.

So Romney says ‘I can’t talk about being governor but I can talk about Bain. I was great at Bain!’ So he is presidential material because of his career at Bain. But he says we can’t talk about Bain. He can brag about Bain but we can’t ask him about it.

And now we know why:  he outsourced jobs. He says he retired retroactively but as has been pointed out, he signed documents as CEO of Bain while he was allegedly retired. No matter how you look at it, Mitt lied to someone, either to Bain or to the SEC. The Obama campaign isn’t joking when it talks about legal troubles.

Romney says he won’t release his tax returns because Kerry’s wife didn’t release her’s, even though he’s running for president and Kerry’s wife wasn’t. Now he says he might release them after the convention. I guess until then Republicans just have to trust that he’s not lying to them about his taxes like he lied to them (or to the SEC) about working at Bain. Like he lied to them about being a conservative. Like they already think he’s lying to them about being a Christian.

Right now is not a good time to be a Republican. No wonder: Republicans have a candidate they were never sure they wanted in the first place. It’s no surprise that ‘none of the above’ might look good to them right about now.

I’ve got an idea: rather than striking ‘none of the above’ off the ballots in Nevada, perhaps they should think about adding it in every other state.

Hrafnkell Haraldsson

Hrafnkell Haraldsson, a social liberal with leanings toward centrist politics has degrees in history and philosophy. His interests include, besides history and philosophy, human rights issues, freedom of choice, religion, and the precarious dichotomy of freedom of speech and intolerance. He brings a slightly different perspective to his writing, being that he is neither a follower of an Abrahamic faith nor an atheist but a polytheist, a modern-day Heathen who follows the customs and traditions of his Norse ancestors. He maintains his own blog, A Heathen’s Day, which deals with Heathen and Pagan matters, and Mos Maiorum Foundation www.mosmaiorum.org, dedicated to ethnic religion. He has also contributed to NewsJunkiePost, GodsOwnParty and Pagan+Politics.