Desperately Seeking Stephen

Last updated on February 9th, 2013 at 05:19 am

It seems like the Romney campaign has a new conspiracy theory every minute.  Liberals named the villain in a Batman movie after Bain Capital, so that movie goes would hate Bain Capital. Global warming doesn’t exist because it isn’t in the bible. According to right wing legend, Global Warming is a vast left wing conspiracy to take away their freedom to destroy the planet.

Do you see a pattern emerging?  The pattern continues when it comes to the war on women.  According to GOP legend, the consistent effort to deny women their reproductive rights, access to cancer screenings and birth control are about protecting women from themselves.  That’s why it is ever so necessary for women to get consent from husbands and/or employers.  Silly women, thinking is for good, conservative men.

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As Lipstick Liberal reports, conservatives are willing to take anyone prisoner in this war – including Stephen Colbert. She’s ready to take them on.  I think we should help! 

Transcript

LIPSTICK LIBERAL CREEPS UP INTO SHOT – SHE IS A SOLDIER IN THE FIRE FIGHT

OF HER LIFE!

America, I am reporting to you today from the latest battleground

in the Republican War on Woman, where I Believe the GOP is about to announce the

release of a prisoner of that war; American hero Stephen Colbert!

I was the ONLY one to expose this war atrocity, thanks to Stephen’s secret coded

messages to Lipstick Liberal during his show! Oh, I thought I was crazy too, until…

(STEPHEN COLBERT SAYS “MESSAGE RECEIVED”)

Since then, I have been forced to march all over the map, watching Republicans

pillage…you know, I think these guys love their rocket launchers, a little too much,

just saying.

Last month, I almost rescued him from this ungodly place! But was kicked out for

saying “a bad word”, well, mother f***er!

Hello? Yes, Governor, I can barely hear you, is Stephen okay, is Stephen okay! What?

You want to declare victory over the BIGGEST PROBLEM AFFECTING your State

and the country?

I’m losing, Governor – a victory over what? Victory over Unemployment?

Healthcare? Poverty? Fried food?

Abortion, really? Okay fine, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, how is my Stephen Colbert?

Hello, hello? (SILENCE)

Okay, GOP! You wanna play, let’s play! Keep taking away my money, my health, my

dignity! Because YOU will never, never, never take away my Stephen Colbert!

Because She said it FIRST But I say it better, “Republican Balls are weak and

sensitive”,” If you wanna get tough, grow a LIBERAL Vagina,

SHOT GUN CLICK

those things can take a lot a pounding!

Until next time Lipstick Liberal says

(blows kiss) mmmmuuuuuuaaaa!!!!) I’m comin for ya Boehner

End of Transcript

Ok, this is a fictional account, but given the GOP’s desperation these days, Stephen Colbert may want to get a bodyguard.

Adalia Woodbury

Former contributor.