Scared of Joy and Whoopi, Mitt Romney Cancels on The View

Last updated on February 9th, 2013 at 01:56 am

Mitt Romney has shocked no one by suddenly announcing that no, he will not go on ABC’s The View. His wife Ann will go on for him this Thursday due to “scheduling” problems. The View is too “high risk” for Romney. There are people and they ask questions….

Remember when Mitt Romney was telling his 50k a plate friends about how lazy we all were and how we thought we were entitled to food? Well, he also told them that he thought The View was “high risk” for a candidate like him, with four “sharp-tongued” women and only one conservative.

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Yes, that means all of you women who do not agree with Mitt Romney are sharp-tongued harpies and FemiNazis who don’t deserve to have breast cancer screening at Planned Parenthood and he knows just what to do about it, thanks for trying to talk to him, but no thanks.

Here’s Mr. Presidential discussing the women of The View, “Four are sharp-tongued and not conservative, Whoopi Goldberg in particular,” he said. “Although the last time I was on the show, she said to me, ‘You know what? I think I could vote for you.’ I said I must have done something really wrong.”

Oh, good one, Mr. Romney – slap down that woman who almost bought into your used car salesman routine. Yes, we can’t have Whoopi voting for Romney, that would make him look bad. After all, she’s black and sharp-tongued. Can you say 47%? You People don’t understand how hard it is to have to listen to you during the campaign.

Mitt Romney sees The View as too high risk, but running America, which is full of people sorta like the panel on The View — which is the entire point of that show, by the way – hey, that is No Problem, because you don’t have to talk to people or even like them in order to harvest the country for profit. Nice Elisabeth Hasselback, now she’s the kind of woman who isn’t sharp-tongued because she reads her talking points each morning with great sincerity and never questions authority. But Joy and Whoopi? Too sharp tongued and high risk for a man like Mitt Romney.

See, ladies? How hard is this, eh? Lest you feel picked on, you must remember that Mitt Romney also preened that David Letterman hates him because Mitt has gone on Jay Leno’s show more. This assumes that Mitt is a big draw, when in fact, he is not. Dave must hate him for another reason….

You just can’t be a Republican unless you suspect that everyone hates you as much as you secretly hate them. Romney is doing what all strong, courageous politicians do when they are afraid to meet with a group of voters – he’s throwing his wife at them and running for the hills. This is not the first time Romney has used his wife Ann as a shield, but it may be the last time he thinks it’s a good idea.

After Romney wins, the Imperial Presidency will commence immediately. The View might be canceled for representing too many Americans who shouldn’t be allowed to voice their sharp tongued opinions, but that will teach them to get a job. Lazy victims.

The View is too radical for Mitt Romney, but he wants to “run” America because while he might have said he had no use for half of America, there’s that top 2% that really needs some protection from the greedy vultures like the women on The View — oh, except Elisabeth.

Don’t worry. If you’re really jonesing for some presidential TV on Thursday, your President will be on Jon Stewart’s show, unless he suddenly cancels after a hidden tape comes out in which he calls Jon Stewart a sharp-tongued risk and half of America “victims”. No? Too absurd for a President? Think again, America!

Mitt Romney won’t go on The View, so I think we can assume that all of MSNBC is out the entire four years of his term, should he manage to win. The women over there are very sharp-tongued and high risk. In Mitt Romney’s America, you can take the picture accompanying this article and cross all of the women out except the young, pretty, white blonde. She is not high risk, so she can stay.

If you are not left standing, Romney doesn’t even want your vote because it would suggest he is doing something wrong.

What do you do when you are too scared to speak to a group of women, when they aren’t profitable for you, when they are too high risk to even speak to? If you’re Mitt Romney, you toss them Ann and run.

Sarah Jones

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Sarah has been credentialed to cover President Barack Obama, then VP Joe Biden, 2016 Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, and exclusively interviewed Speaker Nancy Pelosi multiple times and exclusively covered her first home appearance after the first impeachment of then President Donald Trump.

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