The NRA’s American Dream: Another Child Dead, Woman Points a Gun at School Official

Last updated on February 8th, 2013 at 05:48 pm

The Republican/NRA American dream is coming true. A 3-year-old is killed while playing with a loaded pink handgun and a woman pulls a gun at an all girls school during carpool pick up.

In South Carolina, WBTW reported today that Charleston’s Ashley Hall was on lockdown after a woman pointed a handgun at a school official during Monday’s carpool pickup. The police were called and luckily, no one was hurt. Gun-toting 28-year-old Alice Boland was arrested.

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The NRA puppets were just explaining to us that women need assault weapons for safety purposes. If only Boland had been carrying an assault weapon! Stars and stripes, my friends. Oh, she’s the “bad guy” in this scenario — but of course we would not know that before she gets the assault weapon since background checks are a sin against freedom.

In much sadder news, funeral arrangements have been made for a 3-year-old South Carolinian boy named Tmorej Smith, who died due to a single shot in the head after he and a sibling were playing with a pink handgun they thought was a toy. The gun went off and killed Tmorej.

This is just a snippet of gun news reported over a 24 hour span in one state of “the land of the free and home of the brave”, per the NRA’s American Dream.

According to the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Uniform Crime Report, “In 2010, 5,597 people (58% of murder victims) were killed at or before the age of 30. The average American lives to the age of 78, so that’s at least 48 years of life un-lived by the average gun victim. 1,091 people (11%) were killed at or under the age of 18—not even adults. Killed before such milestones as marriage, children, grandchildren, or a career, 58% of the people murdered with a gun had barely begun to live their lives.” For more on the NRA’s vision for America and how it’s worked out so far, sit down before you watch this blood chilling graph.

In South Carolina, they conclude their news report with this sad homage to the NRA’s American Dream, “Officials are reminding gun owners to keep them locked at all times and out of reach of children.”

I would amend that warning and suggest that perhaps we should keep guns out of reach of many adults as well. Especially during carpool pick up, because tempers flare. In the wild west, the only way to deal with your childish inability to cope when things don’t go exactly your way is to threaten other people with a gun. You know, for freedom.

Waiting too long to pick your kid up after school? Pull your gun and stand your ground, patriots! Jesus loves a winner. Kids bored? Leave a loaded pink handgun laying around and hope your kids know better than to touch it.

If these news stories scare you, then you definitely need an assault weapon to protect you from the “bad guys”, like the young children who didn’t know any better and the obviously off her rocker woman with the handgun at school. Gosh, if only those kids had had an assault weapon… because, say it with me, “guns don’t kill people.”

Note: NO, you should not leave loaded weapons around your house, even if you do not have children. And NO, you should not whip out a gun the next time you’re frustrated. Low frustration tolerance levels are just another thing we should test people for before we grant them access to a gun, as citizens are making abundantly clear of late.

Sarah Jones

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