Republican Party

Obama Impeachment and the Republican Presidential Shoe Shine Boy Fantasy

We’ve been hearing a lot about the I-word lately from Republicans, from Glenn Beck, from Washington Times columnist Jeffrey Kuhner, from Sen James Inhofe (R-OK) . You know… ::whispers:: …impeachment. But for thinking people – that is, liberals – there are other possibilities and I think Rachel Maddow was on to something Friday night when she diagnosed the Republican obsession with impeaching Obama as a form of… ::whispers:: …incontinence.

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President Obama had barely been elected when Rethuglicans,…er, I’m sorry, I meant Republicans (honest, I did) began to call for his impeachment – as Maddow reminds us, just seven weeks into his presidency. “They didn’t want to impeach him for anything specific,” she points out. “They just liked the idea of impeaching.”

I’m sure you all remember those heady days when Republicans discovered it wasn’t all just a bad dream, that they really were faced with a black man in the White House, and not in the role of a servant.

Maddow traced the history of Republican impeachment fantasies from World Net Daily to Michele Bachmann and beyond. They wanted to impeach him over immigration, over his birth certificate, over gay marriage, over “fast and furious,” over the debt ceiling, over his agenda in general (to tie it up and retard its progress), executive orders – and this all by 2011. Then came 2012 and impeaching Obama to prevent thermonuclear war with Russia, over the Bush tax cuts, over gun-control, drones, recess appointments, “czars,” (never mind that Bush had more czars than Obama) the Dream Act, the new Black Panther Party. And of course, Benghazi. Inadvertently let out by Maddow was yet another excuse: the Boston bombing.

At some point, doesn’t this discourse just prove its own silliness? Maddow concluded that “Republicans and the right love talking about impeaching President Obama even when they’re not sure exactly why. It’s almost like an involuntary tic. They sneeze and a little ‘impeach Obama’ just squeezes out without them meaning to. They love the idea.”

The one thing we can be sure of as we plow ahead into 2013 is that Republicans have not run out of reasons to impeach Obama. Hell, as they’ve proven, they don’t even really need a reason. Evidence is not really an issue; they just manufacture that anyway in the bowels of Fox News, World Net Daily, and the Washington Times.

By now, even Republicans should have a hard time keeping a straight face. But either they are very good actors or they are so consumed by racial hatred that they can’t see the humor in their relentless attempts to politically assassinate our president over one excuse after another. I’m laughing as I read the list. I don’t know what else to do. It’s funny. It’s pathetic. And yes, its more than a little bit creepy. Collectively, the Republicans have become that odd-uncle that nobody in the family wants to talk about. And maybe that’s the mainstream media’s excuse for ignoring the subject of the Republican Impeachment Obsession.

Or maybe it’s just that the mainstream media is owned by Republican douche nozzles. Not sayin’. Just sayin’.

As I sit here in my study, contemplating this fine day to be, I comprehend the vast gulf between me and the Republican politician. Yes, there are those nice fat checks I don’t receive from the fossil fuel industry for selling my soul and selling out my constituents. Yes, there is the issue of douchenozzlehood that separates us like Valles Marineris on Mars. But that’s not what I’m thinking about. No, I am thinking about integrity. Today I will engage in honest labor: not only writing about their douchenozzlery, but things like mowing my lawn as the words to the Monkees’ 1967 hit Pleasant Valley Sunday run through my head (full disclosure: I was 10), while they will be engaging in hypocritical asshattery, manufacturing attacks on President Obama over all the things they loved about President Bush (including czars and executive orders).

They can couch their asshattery in any terms they like. The facts speak for themselves. They can’t stand having a black man in the White House. There is no other explanation since Bush was much more autocratic than Obama and they not only had no wish to impeach him over his actions/inactions but worshiped him as a true conservative hero, a new Barbarossa who could slay entire Islamic countries with his bare hands. That Bush’s shining qualities as a leader could now be seen as causes for impeachment leaves us only one explanation, and they won’t be happy until President Barack Obama is reduced to shining their shoes. The rest is just window-dressing.

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