What the 4th of July Means To Me: By A. Republican

 

 

Today, our nation celebrates its birth.  Our Conservative Christian founding fathers created the most durable, long-lasting, and unchangeable documents in the 6,000 year old history of our world.  It has stood the test of time through two world wars, the War of Northern Aggression, the noble and proud Vietnam War to Defeat Communism, and the most recent War on Terror.  Despite the fact that our liberal colleagues might profess to hating America and questioning some of its values and its role in the world, I personally know that there is much to be thankful for on this, the 237th anniversary of our dear United States and its declaration of independence from socialist Great Britain.

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First and foremost, I am thankful for the proud God-loving Americans that continue to fight against this activist Supreme Court.  Everybody worth a hoot knows it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.  For some reason, five heathens on the Supreme Court apparently have never read the word of God that He himself wrote in the Good Book.  Fortunately, we have our members of the House of Representatives who have introduced a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.  Led by proud religious spokesman Reverend Michael Huckabee, our Conservative brothers have vowed to fight the federal recognition of benefits to these unnatural gay folks and the state recognition of gay marriage in Mex…I mean California.  Reverend Huckabee and our House brothers will be sure to help fight the gays and to keep our society the way God intended:  between one man, one woman, and their billions of offspring who may or may not have committed incest to procreate the human species.

 

Today, I am also thankful for the good people of the NRA.  When the liberal heathens tried to play the sympathy card earlier this year due to the death of a few liberal school children and teachers and used it to try and take away my guns, our brothers of the NRA fought back these atrocities.  I am a proud father of two strong boys.  If I want to keep an AK-47 or twelve in my garage in our home in the countryside, then it is my God-given right to do so.  My grandpappy didn’t need a background check when he got home from WWII, so why do I need one after blowing up a few infidels while keeping Sadam Hussein from attaining weapons of mass destruction in our beloved War on Terror?  Sure, people may be dying in the big cities, but most of them are dying in Chicago, the land where Obummer and his cronies have made a socialist paradise so it’s obviously married in violence.  Guns don’t kill people, people kill people and what liberals don’t understand is that our brothers at the NRA are making sure that anyone who purchases a gun does it for the right reason: to protect themselves from an over-reaching Marxist-socialist government.

 

In addition, I’m thankful for our beloved state governors like Rick Perry and John Kasich for fighting back these heathen liberals who try and kill innocent lives.  Abortion is murder and every life is simple.  No matter what our Supreme Court said every good God-fearing Christian knows that once a woman is pregnant, she is no longer capable of making her own decisions about her body.  As long as she is with a caring, heterosexual partner, there is no reason why a woman should not bring her child to birth.  Why women like Wendy Davis cause such a ruckus is beyond me.  If you didn’t want to have a child, you shouldn’t have spread your legs in the first place.   God creates all of us in his image and if you choose to take a life that you have created, then you are committing murder.  I can only pray that one day we have a Supreme Court who realizes that every life is scared and that makes abortion a federal crime as God intended it to be.

 

Lastly, I’m thankful for our friends over at Fox for giving us fair and balanced news.  Without them, an entire nation would be condemning George Zimmerman, a man who clearly was acting in self-defense from a thug minority who was threatening to create chaos outside his calm, suburban neighborhood.  We also would never be hearing about this Obama administration and its role in Benghazi, the IRS, and phone tapping scandals.  If it weren’t for Fox News, people might begin to think that these aren’t even scandals at all but rather isolated incidents that the president had no direct knowledge or control over.  Fortunately, true patriots like Bill O’Riley, Sean Hannity, and Sarah Palin have correctly called our this administration as being the most corrupt since the Clinton administration where we had a sitting president commit the atrocity of cheating on his spouse.  Thankfully, our friends over at Fox News and other American icons such as Rush Limbaugh refuse to let any administration commit any adulterous acts under its watch.  I’m just glad they were around during the iconic presidency of George W. Bush or else we might have people today who would say terrible things about our Great Leader.

 

To my Conservative friends, I wish you well on this most American of holidays.  I’m sure I will see you again on our next major holiday, Thanksgiving, where we celebrate our nation’s first successful border fence and immigration policy which was needed to help our local militia use their God-given firearms to control the local turkey population.