More On ‘Beretta Barbie’ Who Just Happens To Be the Governor of South Carolina




By now most of you have probably read the numerous accounts, including a fine piece by our own Justin Baragona, of the wondrous Christmas gift under South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley’s tree. After tearing apart the camo wrapping paper, durned if Haley wasn’t face-to face with the Beretta (company headquartered in Brescia, Italy) PX4 storm, a $575, 9mm, compact (I assume) handgun, magazine capacity 15 +1. With a rotating barrel, Haley will be able to squeeze off shots quickly with this little weapon, ‘er target-shooting device. If she has the full-size or sub compact model, certain specs will change. The smaller models are easy for concealed carry; full sized, a holster might be in order.

The climax-inducing kill-stick was a present from National Guardsman and alleged cuckold husband, Michael, who obviously doesn’t believe all those Haley boy toy rumors. Mike returned home in mid-December fresh from his nearly yearlong Afghan deployment as a member of the Guard’s 3-49th Agribusiness Development Team.


The team’s intent was to teach Afghan farmers to be better farmers and how to market their crops more effectively. Better farmers and marketers? Afghan opium poppy farmers are the prime force that feeds a multi-BILLION dollar heroin empire that is flourishing globally. Wheat is also a farmer favorite in Afghanistan. Problem is, the payout for an acre of opium is three times greater and the nasty local Taliban want the poppies, as they finance most of their weapons of war from being the major sugar daddy for the world’s heroin supply.

Data from the growing areas as reported by BBC, indicates record yields of opium from the poppy fields. Given the 36% increase over last year, supply now exceeds demand. That might lower Heroin’s street price, now fluctuating between $175 and $200 per gram for the average stuff. UN heroin numbers are lower, but most experts agree that the numbers are massaged mercilessly for political reasons.

HELL OF A JOB, MICHAEL!!! The Taliban and global mobsters thank you.

So the PR move of shipping Michael to Afghanistan to change farming habits clearly had the opposite affect while stuffing the pockets of international mob bosses and the Taliban locally. So the “Michael strategy” didn’t work and little else is going to work short of escalating combat in a country that most thinking Americans want to abandon to its own graft and corruption, ASAP.

For her part, Haley is politically working the Beretta for all it’s worth. As reported, she immediately smothered Instagram, Facebook and Twitter with a loving tight-shot of her prize. Like her pal, Sarah Palin, Haley loves to be depicted in photos and videos firing an arsenal of guns from mounted machine guns to virtual toy guns. As Justin suggested these are purely political homage’s to the NRA and those gunnies who aren’t already seduced by the mildly erotic fantasy of a woman with a firearm.

Not to be outdone, a pal of Vincent Sheheens, the Democratic State Senator, who once again is Haley’s opponent for governor after coming uncomfortably close to beating her the last time around, has tweeted a post-Beretta pic of Sheheen shooting skeet with a shotgun that his friend insists “He’s had for over a decade.” Here’s the Sheheen pic.

If Sheheen really wanted to get snarky, he could out-Beretta Haley by picking up an over/under Beretta DT11 Skeet for the next election. I mean, skeet-wise, an old Remington 1100 is fine, or, for that matter, any 12 gauge (my late father had an attic full of them), but make Haley sweat. Ole’ Captain Mike will have to ante up about $8,500 for the skeet model; the trap, almost a grand more.

Like many other hyperbolic gestures, the recent Phil Robertson gay-hater nonsense for example (and Clarence Page, you should be ashamed of yourself for defending this dipscrew), the object is not to change minds. The strategy is to get the haters to the polls and the gun nuts to the polls. Nothing Haley is doing is going to persuade moderate gun owners and non-owners alike to board the SS Lookatmeshoot.”

What it will do on a national scale, however, is raise the Haley profile another few notches. Nothing says “party in shambles” more than having the likes of Nikki Haley under consideration for Vice-President, and even in some quarters, President of the United States. It wasn’t that long ago that the Teapublican version of the 3 gubernatorial stooges, Walker from Wisconsin, Jindal, Louisiana and Perry, Texas, joined Haley in Greenville, South Carolina on a late August Monday, as she announced that she was once again polluting state politics by running for re-election. These three gents remain presidential aspirants and might just be checking out VP prospects.

So what better moving sidewalk than guns to get the nationwide ball rolling for an incredibly ambitious and just as incredibly incompetent governor? A Walker/Haley ticket is not a real stretch. Jindal/Haley probably won’t happen, as both share an Indian (as in India) heritage that even they essentially renounce. Perry? Well, if Homer Simpson turns down the job, Haley could be a possibility. I’d pay to get into their campaign events. “Live on Comedy Central, its Rick Perry and Nikki Haley!” The Tea Party would have to retain its stranglehold on the Republicans to realize any of these pairings.

Haley has no presidential chance on her own, nor would she be under remote consideration to join a Chris Christie or Jeb Bush ticket. So, where does that leave her? Hopefully sitting in some Fox chair giving dating and shooting advice; not related of course, or maybe she could start a clothing line, considering her experience as a bookkeeper in mom’s upscale clothing company, Exotica International, where her main contribution, according to Associated Press reports, was getting the family business penalized not once, not twice, but three times for not paying taxes. At a minimum, the taxes were 19 months past due. Operating bills were also routinely late to arrive. Maybe that clothing thing isn’t such a good idea after all.

So, look for candidate Haley, astride an old faithful 175mm, M107 gun tube near you. But keep your eyes and ears open. Those 147 lb. projectiles can do some real damage.

Then again, so can Haley.

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