The ISIS terrorists in Iraq have surged and captured Mosul. This has given new life to the neocons who, over the past few years, had to content themselves with inflating the nonsense that is BENGHAZI and criticizing virtually everything else the President has done to affect the foreign soil that lies beyond the Rose Garden.
Pundits say the President has few options with which to deal with the Iraq situation but of course they are not thinking like neocons. Beyond drones, air strikes and a “small” group of boots on the ground (gee, maybe we could call them “advisors”), John McCain has brilliantly suggested that President Obama fire his entire national security team, replacing them with G.W. Bush advisors led by former General David Petraeus who commanded the so called Iraq surge.
The President has another option and I suspect a plurality of Americans would love to see him take it. The President is a busy man so I have taken the liberty of writing a speech which he could deliver to a joint session of Congress. Of course he must add his own touches of soaring rhetoric, but here are the basics.
“I appreciate that you have allowed me to address all of you today. We appear to be facing yet another crisis in the Middle East as the government of Iraq has failed to effectively maintain the peace and the democracy which we attempted to leave with them after an seven year war, three trillion of our taxpayer’s dollars, and most importantly the loss of 4,500 American lives and the transient or permanent injury of more than 32,000 of our fine military women and men.
Since the current crisis came to public attention with the fall of Mosul into the hands of the ISIS branch of al-Qaeda there has been a concerted call from some of you seated in this hall and from the media which supports you that I do something. The Speaker has asked if I was napping while this was occurring, Senators McCain, Graham, and others of their stature and military acumen have called for direct military action.
Listen folks, this isn’t my first rodeo. I know that any move I make in Iraq, Pennsylvania, or my own living room will cause a percentage of you to rush to the microphones to condemn it and a subset to demand my impeachment.
OK, you are so damn smart, this time you figure it out.
Congress holds the power to declare war and House of Representatives the constitutional authority to pay for it. Therefore I am leaving Iraq in your capable hands. Today I will submit a bill authorizing a temporary cabinet position, Secretary of Iraqi Initiatives. I am nominating Senator McCain to serve as its first and hopefully only head and NSA Chief Rice as his deputy. Not my NSA Chief Rice, your NSA Chief Rice. Live with it.
This Department will suggest a method for assisting the government of Iraq – providing it still exists a week from now – in returning the country to whatever form of democracy the Department chooses for it, although I do caution that the abolition of Sharia Law may not go over as well in Baghdad as it did in Oklahoma. When complete, this plan of action will be submitted to Congress for a vote. If and when you all get your act together and actually pass something I will sign whatever is put on my desk. It will be your plan and I never want to hear another word about my role in it.
However, current Department of Defense funds will not be available to finance it and I will veto any appropriations bill that does not contain what you folks quaintly refer to as a “pay-for.” Any pay-for must be in the form of new revenue rather than cuts to existing programs. I will leave it to your imagination from where that revenue must be raised in order to get the old Presidential Seal of Approval. Hey hedge fund managers, Walton heirs, and GE – have a nice day.
If our wonderful military is required to carry out your plan I will instruct the SECDEF to commit only units composed entirely of soldiers who volunteer for a new Iraqi gig. He will also be instructed to turn off Fox News in every military rec room for the duration of the Department of Iraqi Initiative’s recruitment campaign. I would also suggest that, given the level of funding you guys have authorized for veteran health care, volunteers be advised to arrange for private insurance coverage.
I look forward to reading whatever great ideas you endorse. Have fun you guys.
And God Bless America.”
When I moved from Boston to Georgia ten years ago they told me about grits and pork rinds, warned me about the bugs, and assured me there would be a lot less snow. They did not tell me that belonging to a church is required by statute and that I would be the only liberal between Atlanta and the Canary Islands.
There are, however, Yellow Dogs. These are Southerners who would vote for a Golden Retriever if it were running as a Democrat. That these people would be called Republicans if they lived in New England does not make me one bit less grateful that they exist.