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How to Train Your Dragon’s Gobber the Belch is Destroying Civilization

If you’ve seen How to Train Your Dragon 2 (I have and I give it like 14 thumbs up), you will know by now – or suspect – that Gobber the Belch, Stoick’s one-legged side-kick, is gay.

Not to provide too many spoilers, but in the film, Hiccup finds his mother, Valka, played by Cate Blanchett. Stoick eventually shows up as well and mother and father end up fighting.

Gobber, watching the encounter, mutters, “This is why I never married. This and one other reason.”

My wife and I exchanged glances and laughed, and thought no more of it. The line went right over my son’s head. And no, you didn’t mishear it – he said – and meant – exactly what you thought.


Reveals Entertainment Weekly:

“The nice thing that Craig brought to it is, it’s such a hand-off line that I think for the older members of the audience, it’ll take them a moment to realize, like, ‘Did he just say what I think he said?'” says [director Dean] DeBlois. “And then you’re moving on. [The movie] treats it like normalcy, and that’s what I really like about it. Because I’m a gay man, and I don’t draw attention to myself for that reason. It’s just a fact of who I am, and the way the world is, and it’s nice to treat it as just a passing notion that isn’t something that people have to get so up in arms about. I think it makes people chuckle, and in every test screening we’ve had, it’s always gone over really well. I know there are probably a few people whose feathers it will ruffle, but you can’t worry too much about that. Particularly in 2014. It’s so prevalent out there, in TV shows and movies. It’s the norm, as it should be. I’m proud of it. It contributes to the daring and progressive quality of the storytelling of this [planned] trilogy.”

Fake Christian Kevin Swanson, who sees demons in Beyoncé, is not going to take this lying down. According to Swanson, Gobber encourages pedophilia:

Of course the producers are going to reveal the mentor as homosexual,” Swanson said. “That answer is obvious: for the same reason why the Greek mentors were homosexual, and they were focused in on what the Christian fathers used to refer to as the corruption of boys, and we can also throw out the term pedophilia.

Remember what I said about Greek and Roman sexuality yesterday? The same applies to Norse sexuality. The Norse male was a penetrator. Penetrating another man did not make a man a homosexual, since the concept did not even exist at that time (1869, remember?). Penetrating another man, like penetrating a woman, made a man a man. Being penetrated didn’t make a man homosexual either. It made him a woman.

Gobber the Belch, is, it goes without saying, a Viking. In that cultural paradigm, no, Gobber is not homosexual, and no, Gobber is not encouraging pedophilia. He is not encouraging pedophilia even if he is a homosexual, no more than, say, a heterosexual man encourages pedophilia.

Not to be too blunt, Kevin Swanson is an idiot. He is also a bigot.


Keep in mind, according to Swanson the LGBT rights movement has destroyed civilization:

There’s not just divorce: people are eating their own feces, there’s incest everywhere.

As far as we know, the Egyptian pharaohs managed to limit themselves to incest without eating feces, as did the later Ptolemies (Cleopatra married her brother and no Roman detractor ever claimed “Cleopatra ate sh*t”).

I think Swanson is betraying more about himself and his fantasies than our society. My ancestors used to say, stout Norsemen like Gobber, that,

For the unwise man ’tis best to be mute
when he come amid the crowd,
for none is aware of his lack of wit
if he wastes not too many words;
for he who lacks wit shall never learn
though his words flow ne’er so fast. (Hávamál, Bray translation)

Oh, and just to demonstrate that Jesus did not have a lock on the “throwing the first stone” thing, I’ll lay the Norse version on Mr. Swanson:

The miserable man and evil minded
makes of all things mockery,
and knows not that which he best should know,
that he is not free from faults.

Evil-minded. I think that says about all that needs to say about Kevin Swanson and his fellow haters on the Religious Right.I might just go see the movie another five or six times.

Leave Gobber alone. Laugh. You’re safe. No gay person I know would want you to be gay anyway.


View Comments

    • Bingo - these guys are all closeted, and fail to realize it. Why else would one be so insecure with their own sexuality? Their farcical reasoning is that gays prey on children, but from what I've read child predators are more likely to be hetero-oriented.
      What these people ignore is the fact that nobody is forcing them to do anything, neither to engage in gay sex nor in gay marriage, and if as a business entity they wish to discriminate against LBGT's, it's no different than discriminating against any other group, and we already have laws about that. These haters predominately hate themselves and either don't realize it, or they do and that makes them hate even more. And their phony christianity isn't fooling anyone, either.

  • "There’s not just divorce: people are eating their own feces, there’s incest everywhere."
    Wait, what?!

    What on earth is running through the dank little cesspools of these people's minds?

  • What??? So if people don't marry they are gay? I never married. It never seemed to fit into my life; and frankly I don't care to deal with the testosterone. Still it is men that I am sexually attracted to. There are all kinds of reasons people do not marry. Most of them having nothing to do with being gay!!!

  • It is TIME that all of the sane people in THIS country start call out these scum for what they are. COWARDS AND PATHETIC LOSERS WHO SPEND THEIR DAY'S OBSESSING ABOUT GAY SEX

  • Ok I am a big fan of this series and haven't watch the movie, but there's something I know. Gobber is gay or you can say he is, but that doesn't have anything wrong and it shouldn't have. It's 2014 for God's sake and if they want a FICTIONAL character to be gay let them be. As a supporter at least I don't see something wrong with gay people let alone characters.

    • Problem is the Right thinks we're forcing it down their throats!

      We need to speak more often on American empathy, kindness and love for our fellow man/woman.

  • It bothers me that living, thinking humans in 2014 can still think that "Media forces homosexuality on youth." LOOK AROUND YOU. Gay people exist and it's a crime that they're NOT featured more in films and T.V. It's pure discrimination. Its the same as not including black people or another race exclusively in media. If you think that featuring a gay person in a movie is forcing it on people (were that even possible), take a look at how media has been for the last 80-90 years! Straight people fucking everywhere! If your concern is a 5 second appearance or even a HINT to a gay person, how and why are you so fine with the literal HOURS of straight protagonists and straight sex and straight love that is shoved into children' faces from day to day? In short people need to get their priorities sorted. Figure out the things that are ACTUALLY issues in today's society and focus on those. You're wasting everyone's time with your pointless, futile remarks and it's NAUSEATING. Shut the....

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