The Scots Say No to Separation; Much of Right-Wing America Says Yes!

tea party secessionist

The political bellwether of separating from the United Kingdom failed to materialize after the Thursday referendum votes for Scottish independence from the UK were counted.

At its core, the movement supported the belief that since Scotland had little to no say in the British Parliament, why bother. The majority still wants to bother.

At about the same time as the Scottish referendum, a poll released Friday by Reuters/Ipsos, revealed that nearly a quarter of Americans like the separatist idea. Of course 53% of those responding, strongly opposed it and the rest of the folks didn’t have a strong enough opinion to count either way. The sampling was pretty large at 8,952 citizens. It should surprise no one that a majority of Tea Party members intensely dislike the United States, and yes, Republicans outnumbered Democrats in wanting do whatever secessionists do.

Unlike Scotland, eagerness to cut the strings from your mother country has little to do with the specifics of any one political issue. It has everything to do with the U.S. daring to cede the tiniest bit of political power to those of African-American descent. That’s because white, right-wing hatred of color continues to be manifest in every new poll, vote and action. A top to bottom vow of the far right to make life as politically miserable as possible for Barack Obama was but the first step for the haters after the November 2008 election outcome. Let’s review.

There’s the monumentally ignorant and distorted birther issue and the contrived House Committee on Government and Oversight Reform’s “Fast and Furious” hearings featuring two Republicans, the sketchy Chairman, California’s Darrell Issa and South Carolina attack dog, Trey Gowdy. The contrivance of F & F was unmasked in Fortune magazine by an investigative journalist.

That didn’t stop the right-wing House members from voting to hold black Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt of Congress in 2012. The rest of the industrialized world shook their collective heads in disgust; not of the innocent Holder, but of any political body foolish enough to express their loathing of this dedicated, educated and intelligent African-American in such a pronounced manner. Is it any wonder Holder is rumored to be leaving after the upcoming November election.

Then there were IRS hearings (you do most of the cheating, you get most of the attention) and the contrived 9 Benghazi hearings, where the Issa/Gowdy committee, keeps running into the dead ends of truth, but insist on wasting millions to find even one tiny negative grain of blame they can hold over the head of President Obama and presumed Democratic Presidential Candidate, Hillary Clinton.

Once more, let me explain Benghazi. We were doing a little spying, maybe setting up the overthrow of a couple of terrorist’s regimes. There was a video out there distasteful to Muslims and there were years of highly charged, chaotic demonstrations throughout the region. Over 70,000 have died in Syria, alone. Some nasty terrorist-types were occupants of Benghazi and Republican congressional fed-haters voted down nearly a half-billion in funding that most likely would have provided the security that would have saved the lives of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three others. End of story, no matter how many fabrications were thrown against the wall by the Issa/Gowdy duo.

Here’s my solution for dealing with the secessionists. Let’s vote, just like the Scots. But, unlike the Scottish vote, only those still fully committed to this country will go to the polls. The nation-haters can stay home. The referendum question: Do we want to continue to be identified with this bunch of raging ingrates? Most of the states in the middle of this nuttiness get a lot more back from the federal government than they put into it. They would work for pennies an hour, starve and die without Uncle Sam. But they hate America anyway, so let’s give them what they want, independence.

However, I would insist on one caveat to be included in the referendum: If you want to separate from America, SEPARATE! I can think of a number of areas that could meet your pale criteria. Most important to your hateful residency in these United States is the repression of blacks. So, let’s send you to an all WHITE environment.

We can use the black separatist “Republic of New Afrika” model of wanting to take over five Southern states as African-American enclaves some decades ago. But, that wouldn’t work in this case since the states were in the U.S. and I want to accommodate the separatists and get them as far away from this country of hues (not to mention homosexuals) as possible.

There are several options. Canada and China, are both about 3.7-3.8 million square miles. They rank as numbers 3 and 4 in area in the world. Similarly sized, the U.S. is number 2. Canada would never do. Just too many people wandering around who don’t look like white Americans. Not to mention Canadian reluctance to shoot everything that walks. China’s out; that hues problem again. Brazil’s just a smidgeon smaller in area, but all that brown and black pigmentation?

So we’re left with the one obvious choice. Massive with its 6.6 million square miles and there are 640 acres per each square mile. Meet your new host country, right-wingers; RUSSIA! A getaway marriage made in heaven. And there are great stretches that are white, white, white, especially in Siberia. There’s the white polar bear (don’t worry, they don’t attack that often), the exceedingly nasty Karakurt spider has some white markings, and you’ll turn an even paler white when confronted by the potentially deadly Russian tigers, wolves, wild boars and northern vipers (good news, they have some white markings).

Of course, right-wing secession fans scoff in the face of such dangers, being armed 24/7 and all that. Just be careful where you’re aiming when the spiders and snakes sink their fangs into you. The fact that the Russian Federation has historically killed tens of millions of its own people could give one pause, but we manage to bump off a fair number of our own, so it shouldn’t take long to adapt.

Siberia is covered with WHITE snow some six months of the year and features average January temperatures of between 37 and 47 degrees below zero. All the better to get the roasting climes of Africa out of mind. Your new neighbors are likely to be Tatars, virtually all adherents of Islam. But the good news is, Evangelicals make up one-tenth of one percent of all religions so there’s plenty of room to grow.

The better news is that Siberian skin is not all that different than right-wing skin. And the Tatars are a very attractive people, like Siberian native supermodel Irina Shayk for example. There is a political irony here; Siberians hate Moscow almost as much as the right extremists hate Washington.

So, best of luck in your new digs. Tell Putin I said hi when he comes to stomp on your new country and Godspeed as you enjoy the luxuries of true freedom, low taxes, independence and most importantly, pallid politics.

For the rest of us, let’s get to work on that referendum.

15 Replies to “The Scots Say No to Separation; Much of Right-Wing America Says Yes!”

  1. I say let them go! Good riddance!
    Of course, they would then have to set up their own currency, postal system, air traffic control system, Customs and Immigration Service, apply for a VISA to visit the US, have a passport (issued by them) stamped whenever they enter the US, wold not be allowed to call themselves “Americans”, wold have to set up their own Constitution, lose representation in Congress…

    How would I do it? If an elected official of a state voiced a desire to secede, I’d as President wold issue an executive order so decreeing them separated.


  2. You don’t like it in the USA? Well, finish that statement and LEAVE…GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR COUNTRY. And all you tea baggers in Congress, resign your positions and find another country in which you can reside and live there…if you can. If, only IF, you decide to return, you should be charged the largest tariff possible and be made to wait twice as long as you propose the “illegals” to wait … the fullest time possible before you can even be considered for entry into our country. Remember, you are seditionists – traitors! Only in America could you have gotten away with your antics and blackmail you initiated long before 2010.

    So there, you have a choice – now use it!

  3. Excellent article. Deport the traitors to our government! Won’t be sorry to see them go. They have caused so much discord in this country and have the nerve to say it is the President’s fault. Stupid people.

  4. Wow, so liberals really are convinced that the tea party is because President Obama is African-American?
    Talk about divorced from reality!

  5. While I agree with most of the observations of the writer about the Tea Baggers, I’m a little offed by the comparison of the Scottish independence vote to the AMerican Tea Baggers.

    Scottish independence is not an issue that can be compared to American politics and tying the two together is rather odd. While the writer might have seen an opportunity for analogy here, the theme falls flat and actually the writer loses whatever tenuous connection they make along about half way through the piece.

    The fact is that some news outlets are reporting that in Scotland the working classes were far more in support of independence and that the elite, right-wing Tory types were pushing for a no vote across the country. Many among the working classes even just didn’t show up to vote.

    Please lets not misinform.

  6. Many among the working classes even just didn’t show up to vote.
    86% turnout? Not many didn’t bother to show up? What kind of math was taught to you

  7. Hi Kathryn:

    A reread might be in order. There is, in fact, no comparison between the Scottish bid for independence and my tongue-in-cheek piece about a certain faction of the American populace wishing to secede. So you need not be “offed.”

    I am curious what the “analogies” are that I may have drawn. Please enlighten.

    Nice to have you on board.

  8. “Brown and black pigmentation”, we really hate that! How did the writer know Ben Carson and Herman Cain were really darkening their skin?!?! I thought this was supposed to be kept a secret from liberals?
    A divorce from reality is how liberals live their lives. They refuse to realize that no matter how many liberal minded programs are put in place the poor remain poor. Or, more like keep them poor.

  9. I find that hilarious when the “conservatives”, the so called job creators dont hire them.

    No, I am afraid your little cliche doesnt work. Wash your brain out with soap and water, someone has been pouring gook in there

  10. John Stuart Mill:”I did not mean that Conservatives are generally stupid; I meant, that stupid persons are generally Conservative.”

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