No Texas Messiah: A Requiem for Rick Perry


Yesterday, I offered you my retrospective of Michele Bachmann’s career in Congress. Today, I will take a look at outgoing Texas Governor Rick Perry. A requiem is a Roman Catholic service held for the dead, or a piece of music to accompany that service. Rick Perry is not dead, but I believe his political aspirations are.

Governor Rick Perry is another in a growing collection of Republican banditti, though one with less personal integrity than his more famous counterpart across the border, Pancho Villa, who at least was fighting for more than personal aggrandizement.

Pancho Villa actually cared about the future of Mexico. Rick Perry cares only about his own future. The United States does not enter into the picture. In the old days, the Texas Rangers would have been hunting Rick Perry down. In today’s Texas, he was their boss.

It must be remembered here that Perry (and this is to take nothing away from Perry’s complete lack of a moral compass) is a symptom of a greater ill: Texas. Under Republican governance, Texas has produced not only Rick Perry, but George W. Bush, and now provides refuge for Allen West, who couldn’t summon sufficient IQ points to qualify as a Floridian.

Texas is also a state in which Perry’s successor as Governor, the equally unethical Greg Abbott, can meet with a “patriot” militia leader (and shake his hand) days before his arrest on weapons charges, and still win election to governor.


And I haven’t even mentioned Rick Perry’s mythical “Texas Miracle” yet: In Two Sentences Team Obama Shatters The Myth Of Rick Perry’s Texas Miracle. That’s right, there is no Texas miracle, unless you’re a corporation, in which case you can blow Texans up with impunity.

So keeping all that in mind, consider this headline from October 2011: Rick Perry Threatens to Run U.S. Like He Runs Texas.

Yeah. We don’t need that. That should have made your blood run cold. All this is certainly discouraging, and as I argued earlier this year, if Santa Anna had been a better general in 1836, Texas and Perry would be Mexico’s problem, not ours. But if wishes were horses…

Rick Perry has said some pretty awful things in his time as governor. It seems this is part of the GOP’s job description for its governors. These headlines tell the tale:

That’s right, you can check all the boxes: Rick Perry hates immigrants, hates women, loves himself some Religious Right theocrats, and hates gays. He’s a Republican all right, bona fides confirmed. And that doesn’t even get into his gun infatuation (because everybody needs a grenade launcher):


I spoke yesterday in my retrospective about Michele Bachmann’s intellectual challenges, and Perry exhibits more of the same. As when at a big speech he forgot what state he was in, or when he said America’s ally, Turkey, is our enemy. Here we had Bachmann fearful of the Soviet Union, two decades gone, and Rick Perry who wants to attack our allies.

And then there was the time Gaffer-in-Chief Rick Perry thought Solyndra was a country. Considering he once wanted to invade Mexico (a dream he shares with fellow GOP border bandit Sheriff Joe Arpaio), Solyndra should be worried.

Republican Presidential Hopeful Rick Perry Speaks To The Media In New York City

Yes, Rick Perry does channel Sarah Palin – pretty much all of the time. And no, that’s not a good thing.

And I’ll just let Rick Perry’s belief that he can pray away drought and other problems speak for itself. The thought of a president who thinks he can pray away problems also speaks for itself.

Perry is leaving center stage now, and thinking about a bigger venue – President of the United States – which is pretty funny because the secessionist tenther once entertained the idea of being President of Texas. Of course, if Texas Republicans get their way, he may still get that chance.

Which would negate my earlier concerns about Santa Anna’s generalship.

But Rick Perry’s ego is bigger than his prospects will ever be. A new bandit has taken his place in Austin, and Perry wants to take his crime spree to the nation’s capital. But stature-wise, Perry is nothing more than a male version of Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann.

Unlike Palin, he actually finished his terms as governor; like Bachmann, he is under investigation by the authorities, and the Big House is as likely a destination for him as the White House.

In fact, about the only chance Perry stands of getting into the White House is if the Religious Right gets its wish granted and is able to choose Republican candidates for president.

But even then, there are lot of equally crazy would-be messiahs in Republican ranks these days, so there are no guarantees even then.

In the end, Perry, like Bush, has shown that intellectual deficits are no obstacles in a party that holds not only intellect, but reality, in contempt. Better to be a good corporatist and theocrat, because you get money from one source and fanatical followers from the other.

The world, throughout its history, has seen more than its fair share of questionable leadership, but I don’t know that belief has ever carried such weight against actual ability as now.

Perry’s faith may be un-genuine, as some have suggested, but he is still the only Republican governor to organize a prayer rally for some of the worst religious extremists not only in North America, but the world.

We hope we have seen the last of Rick Perry. He has been an ongoing source of comedic material but that is only because he was elected governor not just once, but three times. Our laughter is built upon real pain and suffering, and if ever a requiem was overdue, it is this requiem for Governor Rick Perry of Texas.

21 Replies to “No Texas Messiah: A Requiem for Rick Perry”

  1. By the looks of the top picture, Perry seems to be preparing to woo Ailes, Rove, Trump & other male gop donors.

  2. As a native Dallasite who just spent a week there, Perry is not seen as a serious person much less any kind of candidate for anything except maybe a prison cell. It is agreed he abused his power.

    Everyone I spoke to called him an ignorant ass who deserved to be in prison due to his destruction of Texas’ jobs and healthcare; not to mention that ‘Moses is now a Founding Father’.

    The Moses question that kept popping up was ‘did Moses part the Red Sea before or after he founded America’? Seriously, people are laughing at him.

    Most people in Texas are reasonable and very ashamed of the idiocy that has overtaken the state in the past 20 years. Gerrymandering and lies of the RWNJ are what is blamed.

    The tide will turn Texas Blue, soon.

  3. Its not hard to see that Perry = Palin. The total lack of an intelligence quota here, and the damage he has done to Texans less fortunate are epic

  4. I’m afraid Perry will be with us for a good long time. Powerless for most purposes, but still pushing his crap. As a born-again Christian, he has their special power of having any transgression immediately forgiven by Jeezus Gawd. As a Republican, any transgression is excused as patriotic. He is now on the permanent “running” list for future Presidential elections.

  5. This can all be summed up in three words: white male privileged.” Never take responsibility for your failures, instead point the blame at the feet of others. Namely, the powerless: African-Americans, Latinos, the poor, the homeless, feminist, college students…If that fails, play the race card and blame the uppity, communist, socialist, unpatriotic, secret Mulsim, non American, fascist, lying, good for nothing, Marxist, weak, monarchist, emperor, dictator, power grabbing, no nothing, white hating n***r in the White House.
    Blame your mamma, if you like, but never, ever take responsibility for your failures

  6. People can disagree about what the future should look like. But those who don’t recognize that the future will be different and who only work for their current wealth/power have given up their morality.

  7. “…the Big House is as likely a destination for [Perry] as the White House.”

    I’d like to think the odds are better than 50/50.

  8. Unfortunately like Palin, Bachmann, Allen West, and many washout politicians, Rick Perry will never shut up and he will cash out with his fame as Texan governor by secure multi-million dollar contracts with oil companies and fake PAC groups.

    After guarantee to lose primary for 2016, he will continue to run for President in 2020 and 2024. He’s not going to go anywhere and he will make sure that we keep hearing his name every days as possible.

  9. Why does Texas produce the biggest idiots around? Perry is just part of the line here.

    Can someone please give that state a giant IQ boost please?

  10. When will some speculative history writer, Like Harry Turtledove, give us a vision of what this country might be like if men like Perry suddenly got everything they wanted, and their gun-toting, beer-guzzling crowds came along with them?

    If this does come to pass in our reality, I’m heading to the British V.I. and staying there!

  11. Im sorry, I have to say it. So many idiots because abortion is not a womans right there as decided by the idiot men.

  12. Good riddance and Goddess bless us all if the fool manages to get into any other politics.. much less POTUS..Abbot is his clone and I fear for Texas..I didn’t vote for any of them … I wouldn’t vote for them as dog catcher !

  13. But await! There’s more to come! Just imagine Ted Cruz and Rick Perry on a stage together! Both saying “Vote for me!”

    More popcorn!

  14. Ban birth control in Austin, and tell them to Go Forth and Procreate. But… only in Austin, mandatory sterilization elsewhere in Texas.

  15. What do you mean? He’s got Goehmert and Cruz waiting Stage Right? Are you casting asparagus on his back-up “men”? Shame on you!

  16. Texas ranks #4 in population living below the poverty line (17.2 %).
    Worst environmental record in the United States
    Ranks #1 in illiteracy
    Ranks #1 on the poorest gun regulations in the US and highest per capita gun murder rates in the US (The Brady campaign gives Texas a score of 6 out of 100 possible points.)
    Ranks #1 in the lowest high school graduation rate
    Ranks #1 with the highest interest rates “pay day” companies can charge
    Ranks #1 in those making below minimum wage
    Ranks # 1 (26.5%) who lack health insurance
    Ranks # 1 (20.3%) of children who lack health insurance
    Ranks # 1 in the highest per capita executions in the world
    Ranks #50 in $ spent for Medicaid for the poor and children
    Ranks 50th ( dead last ) in $ spent on its citizens
    Ranks #2 in the rate of food insecure children.
    Ranks #49 in Medicaid $ given to nursing homes
    Ranks #1 in teen repeat births
    Ranks #4 in teen pregnancy rate
    Ranks #3 in teen birth rate
    Ranks #2 with the highest home insurance…

  17. Look at him mow that fatty. Bring on Adelson, Perry’s warmed up according to the photo. Dumb as dirt, oops, my bad.

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