Dear Religious Right: I’m Still Waiting for the Sky to Fall

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fifty-shades-netanyahu
I’ll let you in on a secret folks: I’m really worried. God is going to destroy us, but I don’t know why. Is it because of Fifty Shades of Grey? Is it because President Obama won’t meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu when he comes to address Congress? I mean, doggone it, we’re entitled to know what our divine spanking is for, aren’t we?

Fox News contributor Robert Jeffress says God is going to bust us up but good – and I mean he is going to WRECK us, and that the movie is a sign of the apocalypse:

The Apostle Paul said in 2 Timothy 1 that in the last days it will be terrible times. And that word terrible means lack of moral restraint. And I think we’re seeing that everywhere, whether it is the attempt to change the most basic unit of society, the family and marriage by redefinition of marriage. Or the acceptance of perversion. You know, this Fifty Shades of Grey, or Fifty Shades of Perversion. I think that’s symptomatic of what is happening.

Jeffress wrote in his recently published book (which, incidentally, has ISIS and Ebola in the title but not Fifty Shades of Grey) that,

God established the pattern of one man- one woman marriage on the sixth day of creation (Genesis 1: 26-27). Any deviation from that norm–adultery, unbiblical divorce, or homosexuality– is wrong. I know that many people, including many Christians, would rather not talk about gay marriage because it is so controversial. But we do the world no favors when we refuse to talk about what God has declared to be truth.

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What? No Israel? What about Israel, damn you!

Televangelist Pastor John Hagee, who has previously accused President Obama of sticking his finger “in the eye of God,” promises that God will kick us up and down the block for not being good enough friends to Israel:

“I am a student of world history,” Hagee said, “and you can wrap up world history in 25 words or less and here it is: the nations that blessed Israel prospered and the nations that cursed Israel were destroyed by the hand of God.”

Why all this anger about Israel? Because President Obama will not meet with Netanyahu when he sneaks across the border to meet with Boehner and his fellow bought-men in Congress. And because Democrats have said they won’t be there. That, says Hagee, is America turning its back on Israel.

Sorry to say, Israel didn’t figure prominently in 2014 as a sign of the “Last Days” though “The Obama Presidency” did, even before Boehner and Netanyahu planned their despicable end-run around our president.

To be fair, Netanyahu is not Israel. He’s a politician. And an apparently not very honest one at that. If anyone is going to get his just desserts out of this, it will probably be Netanyahu and Boehner. The whole thing is an embarrassment.

And a student of world history? Wow. I have a degree in history (I know, I’m impressed too) and Hagee and I are remembering history very differently. He came in under 25 words, but he’s wrong as can be.

Hagee lists the Egyptian Empire, the Babylonian Empire, and the Ottoman Empire, but what about the Roman Empire? They gobbled up tiny Israel and continued on for half a millennium, twice as long and then some as the United States has even existed. Heck, Rome’s decline even lasted longer than our existence.

Hagee even lists the British Empire among Israel’s foes, and he says the son does set on the British Empire, that it has been “reduced to one tiny island because, since Edward the First, they have been and remain an anti-Semitic nation.”

There are a lot of reasons for the end of the British Empire but Israel is not one of them. In fact, Britain played a key role in the return of Jews to Israel and the establishment of the new country. Maybe Hagee hasn’t read any history books after all.

He’s a keen student of – well, not much that I can see, not even the Bible. Jeffress is also not much of a student. He hasn’t read Fifty Shades of Grey, he admits, but he’s more than willing to condemn it, because, get this, it “tends to objectify women — put them in a bondage situation.”

Wait a second. It is okay to keep women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen as essentially breeding machines, but you can’t tie a woman up and spank her? Even if she wants to be tied up and spanked? It is okay to rape her and force her to have the baby, to put her in prison for having a miscarriage, but you can’t tie her up and spank her even if she wants to be tied up and spanked?

There is something seriously flawed with this thinking. And it’s not like some men don’t also like to be spanked or flogged, or made to crawl around on the floor and drink out of a dog bowl (hey, Mr. Jeffress, I have a movie role for you!)

He added that “this movie [which he hasn’t seen] may represent a new low in popular entertainment. That’s all I’m saying. And I’m just saying the Bible prophesized [sic] that in the End Times, there will be a lack of moral restraint. And I think we’re seeing that manifested in so many different ways.”

I don’t know why rape isn’t also a sign of this lack of moral restraint. And I still want to know about Israel. Hagee says we are going to be punished because of Israel, and you say a loosening of moral restraint. Which of you should people who need to believe in this sort of stuff believe?

All I can say is that if Fifty Shades of Grey offends you, don’t see it. It’s not mandatory viewing. I fail to see how it can be more harmful than Kirk Cameron saving Christmas. And as far as Jeffress’ traditional marriage goes, well, that’s pure BS, because the Old Testament is full of different types of marriage:

We have man + woman where bride proves her virginity or is stoned to death (Genesis 2:24); we have man + woman + concubines (Judges 19:1-30); we have man + woman + woman (the most common form of biblical marriage – polygyny); we have rapist + victim (Deuteronomy 22:28-29); we have son-less widow + closest male relative (Gen. 38:6-10); we have male soldier + prisoner of war (Numbers 31:1-18, Dueteronomy 21:11-14; we even have male slave + female slave (Exodus 21:4) and man + woman + woman’s female slave (Gen. 16:1-6, Gen. 30:4-5).

Polygyny, which was taking place during Jesus’ lifetime and which, significantly, he did not condemn, is enshrined in the Law of Moses. I’ll take Jeffress’ Genesis 1:26-27 and raise him Exodus 21:10, Deuteronomy 21:15-17 AND Deuteronomy 25:5-10!

What we will see is a rare convergence of those opposed to sexual violence and proponents of it when they jointly boycott the film, but we will not see the end of the world, or even of the United States. And that is because the United States is created by man, not god, and run by man’s law (literally so, unfortunately) and not God’s law.

Nor will the United States be smote down like a Balrog because Netanyahu and Boehner tried to pull a fast one. Lying is a violation of the Ten Commandments. Refusing to meet with the Prime Minister of Israel is not. If Religious nutjobs want to ruin my Sunday, they will have to do better than this.

[Edit 2.15.15 9:24 am – Betty Bower video added]

21 Replies to “Dear Religious Right: I’m Still Waiting for the Sky to Fall”

  1. We have man + woman where bride proves her virginity or is stoned to death (Genesis 2:24); we have man + woman + concubines (Judges 19:1-30); we have man + woman + woman (the most common form of biblical marriage – polygyny); we have rapist + victim (Deuteronomy 22:28-29); we have son-less widow + closest male relative (Gen. 38:6-10); we have male soldier + prisoner of war (Numbers 31:1-18, Dueteronomy 21:11-14; we even have male slave + female slave (Exodus 21:4) and man + woman + woman’s female slave (Gen. 16:1-6, Gen. 30:4-5).

    Watch as Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian, explains bible based “Traditional Marriage”.
    http://youtu.be/OFkeKKszXTw

  2. Lack of morals. Lets see, republicans take food from kids and give the money to billionaires for nothing.republicans want to take healthcare from 10 million. Recently, the republican party has undergone a coup, of sorts, by rw hypocrite Christians who lie, take corrupt money, undermine truth, even propagandize terrorism for profit. All this compared to people having sex, which is what God intended. They were also the ones who said the world WILL end12-21-12. Ahem, still here. They sure profited from scaring idiots into buying their products: guns, ammo, food, gold/silver, bug out bags -all for fools.

  3. Off topic: Meet the Press is subjecting teevee viewers with the reknown foreign policy expert Morning Joe today. I suppose five days a week is not enough to hear his wisdom.

  4. The only thing Hagee ever studied is what all grifters and conmen study: namely, how to separate rubes from their money.

  5. I have no intention of ever seeing the movie or reading the book, but if Fifty Shades is causing this much Christo-fascist furor I hope it does well.

  6. “this movie [which he hasn’t seen] may represent a new low in popular entertainment.”
    ———————-

    I imagine it does, but not in the way he thinks.

    :)

  7. Idiots, the lot of them! If WWII and Germany’s actions didn’t signify “the end times”, then nothing will. They know nothing about world history — in fact, I’m surprised they even admit there’s a world outside their US borders.

    These pseudo-Xtians grab onto anything the least bit titillating to put themselves in front of the media– they’re obsessed with sex. I suggest that, at the rate they and their fellow pseudo-Xtians and GOTPers are going, it WILL be the end times — for them!

  8. However stupid they are about literal interpretation of mythological and allegorical works, they did NOT predict the end of the world in 2012. That was New Age interpretations of Mayan calendars that themselves predicted no such thing. The faux Religious Right can be blamed for a lot, but they’re not alone in the wackadoodle.

  9. John wrote revelations about Rome, in a hissy some time after Jesus. Rome, the whore of Babylon, is still there. Complete with Pope.

    Euro-Christianity locked on to an Apocalypse as a means of controlling the population and as an excuse not to improve their lives.

    Just like ‘Murikan-Christianity. You’ll find out what you’ve won after you are dead.

  10. Our President is turning his back back on the way Boehner and Netanyahu planned this meeting without going through the proper chain of command. What Boehner did is considered treason and Obama’s suppose to back him on it? No way!! It does NOT mean we’re turning our back on Israel. Who Hagee needs to address is the wrong doers here not our President! The Republican WAY!

  11. These first class hypocrites like to cherry pick the bible. They leave out the bible condemns loaning money at interest (banking), holding back wages to make interest (2 week pay periods), greed (the very cornerstone of capitalism), or Jesus saying the rich have their reward in the here and now and will be condemned with those on the left hand. Capitalism is an abomination according to the bible when taken in context.

    From a psychological pov, the filty rich suffer from OCD, in particular the hoarders disease. Instead of hoarding newspapers the hoard money and rich people junk — like jewellery they will never wear. The are not to be admired but treated for mental illness.

  12. I would see this movie before I would ever watch a movie about an asshole murderer whose proud of his sin.

  13. If Obama wanted to turn his back on the Israeli takers, hed discontinue their welfare checks and take care of Americans first. He should un-invite him as he conspired against our President.

  14. Boehner and Netanfucku are trying to promote the gotp. Boehner, to feed his ego – Netandouchebag, to get us to fight and pay for a war hes had a hardon for since Bush. He knows he can get a gotp’er to fund him. Romney was gonna. Playing politics is a dangerous game. Yahoo will probably lose his election anyway.

  15. Unca…still thinking about Woody Allen’s perpetual orgasm…that’s what having 700 wives and 300 concubines constitute…perpetual orgasm. Anytime, evertime, anyway, everyway, every day, singles or multiples, and “NO” kicks you out of the harem to be used by the soldiers and passed around like a bottle of ale. Solomon and David knew about perpetual orgasms.

  16. I had the misfortune to get bamboozled to attend one of his Sunday sermons and it was the exaltation of Israel and the demonizing of Obama with Mike Huckabee as the featured speaker. I walked out of these Americans who love Israel but hate Obama and it was a religious sermon. They should lose their tax status for having politics as part of their sermon. John Haggee of Cornerstone Ministries in San Antonio is like a religious Rush Limbaugh…just as fat and jowly who is feeding off suckers…all day lollipops into believing one brand of thought to thoughtless drones who need someone to think for them instead of researching all points of views before making up their own minds.

  17. “They’re obsessed with sex .. . ..”

    Truest thing I’ve read today about the GOP-Teabags.

    Is that because they never get any?

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