Pat Robertson Says if We Keep Mocking Him, God Will Smack Us Down

From God to You
From God to You

This is funny: Pat Robertson says America is doomed because people are mocking fundamentalists. What an idiot. As Bugs Bunny says, “What a maroon!” (Needless to say, a Tea Partier would say, “What a moran!”)

Let me put it this way: Pat Robertson says unbelievably, catastrophically, stupid things. Like the other day when he told a wife to forgive her husband’s gay fling unless he’s a “habitual homosexual.” Or rejoicing that a woman was “freed from lesbianism” even though, in the Law of Moses, lesbianism is a non-issue.

I can’t even say it without laughing.

Good times.

When we call him on it – sometimes literally falling over laughing – his feelings are hurt.

One lesson to take from this is to avoid saying catastrophically stupid things. But no, not Pat. Pat says,

Sooner or later, a holy God is going to say, ‘I’ve had enough with you, I’ve had enough, my hands are going to be taken off your nation. People mock the word of God and those who proclaim it are laughed at as fundamentalists. Well, we need the fundamentalists because if we don’t have them this nation is doomed.

Watch courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

Mock the word of God? If God is removing his “hand of protection” it is because the Religious Right has weaponized Jesus and perverted his gospel; it is because the Religious Right is willing to say corporations are people, but people are not.

We saw how upset the Religious Right got when, at the White House Correspondents Dinner, President Obama mocked Michele Bachmann’s prediction that he had brought about the End Times. Bachmann and others have claimed the president is persecuting her.

No, calling her an idiot is simply stating a fact. Bachmann is one of those who has proven herself, again and again, to be an idiot. Obama said it without having to use the word, but you got his drift.

I just find it funny that accusing the president of getting God so angry he’d destroy our country is okay, but the president mocking her for saying something so stupid is persecution.

Yet radio host Jan Markell has said of Bachmann what Robertson is saying of himself: “What is there about a godly Christian woman that is so offensive to so many today when they are simply telling the truth as Michele is?”

The truth? Show me anywhere in her public career that Michele Bachmann has demonstrated she has even a passing acquaintance with the IDEA of truth, let alone actual facts.

Joseph Farah is equally upset that we think he and his friends are funny:

Michele Bachmann, like me, was profoundly impacted by the stunning revelations of the New York Times-bestseller ‘The Harbinger’ by Jonathan Cahn about the way America has been inadvertently re-enacting an ancient script written and played out during the fall of Israel.

To Obama and most other non-Christians, this is just silly superstitious stuff – the kind of thing you make jokes about for cheap laughs at the White House Correspondents Dinner. But remember who the cheap laughs come from – people who look at what Obama has done over the last six years and see success, progress, achievement, prosperity, wisdom. If that’s what you see in Obama’s America, then you will surely think it’s funny that the nation is threatened by God’s judgment for disobedience and turning from His ways.

Damn right, Skippy: you provide us with tons of cheap laughs, and you’re providing them now.

“Time will tell who is right,” Farah says, “and I don’t think it will be a long time before we know.”

Oooooooooooh.

Oh gosh, this again? Jesus said we’d know before his generation passed away:

“For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Matthew 16: 27, 28)

He was wrong.

Paul of Tarsus wrote:

“For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17)

He was wrong.

I don’t think we need worry much, some 2000 years later, about a Michele Bachmann and Pat Robertson or Joseph Farah insisting the end times are upon us.

People have been saying it off and on for 2000 years after all, and yet here we are. I’ve met personally people who have told me that we would not be here next year. Years later, I am still here – and still laughing.

Mocking, if you will.

It doesn’t do any good to dispute facts with people like Robertson and Bachmann and Farah. They’re immune to those, and anyway, the Bible is not about facts. If it were, it would not say the Earth is a flat disk (Job 38:15) that doesn’t move (Psalm 93:1) with water above and water below (Genesis 1:6-8).

It took a Pagan, looking into a well to measure shadows, to prove not only that the Earth is round but just how big (or small) it is.

This is the difference between belief and fact. Beliefs have their place, but let’s not confuse the two.

So if citing facts doesn’t help, laughter does. It is funny, after all. It would not be less funny if Bachmann had said Obama’s policies were going to turn her and all other fake Christians into blue bunny rabbits.

This “he made fun of me saying something really stupid” equals “he’s persecuting me” routine falls dismally flat.

The “persecution” thing has been a thing for as long as the end times has been a thing and there’s been scant evidence of either. The real persecutions didn’t start until Christianity got the upper hand, and that vibe is very much with us today in the Republican policies we see being invoked in every state and even in Congress.

So until you can point out some people floating away, Pat, and Michele, and Joseph, I’m going to keep on mocking you when you say stupid things.

It’s what I do.

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56 Replies to “Pat Robertson Says if We Keep Mocking Him, God Will Smack Us Down”

  1. I going to hate to see what happens if and when (I believe when) the SC goes against them in the marriage equality case before them now. I’m afraid these folks are going to go off the rails if that happens and they may just decide to bring about the end times themselves.

    I know a lot of evangelicals, and they are not easily swayed by facts or logic. When their predictions don’t come true they just say, God works in mysterious ways, it is not ours to know his mind.

    No matter what, they always have some reason to explain why their predictions don’t ever come true. They also seem to have very short memories, which I guess, is a prerequisite for being an evangelical and a Republican.

  2. Pat Robertson, Michele Bachman, Farrer, the reason we make fun of you is that GOD sent us to tell you how stupid you are.

  3. We all know Pat Robertson has GOD in his back pocket, Don’t we? If Pat says it’s so, we better be careful. However, I believe Pat will be singing out the other side of his mouth for the lies, he’s told, for the deceiving he’s done, For the millions of people HE has condemned. Even the way he has made his millions.

  4. Is that Pat giving America the finger? Back at you, you charlatan. How come you are not scared for your eternal soul, you rich SOB? Jesus did not have good things to say about the likes of you…he said to pray in private, to give your wealth to help the poor, to love your enemies. You understand none of that. You have made millions from the poor. You ask for money every single day to keep feeding your bank account, not Jesus’ flock. If there is a Jesus, I can guarantee he does not approve of the evangelical right and their pronouncements. Maybe He hasn’t come back because he has given up on you? And maybe He came back and you missed him?
    Oh, and saying our President is not a Christian? Right. he is far more Christian in his actions than any of you. Keeping us out of wars is a Christian solution, sir. Helping the poor workers of this nation..more like Jesus than Hobby Lobby will ever be.

  5. Hraf, I enjoy your writings, never miss one here, but you must be on nitrous oxide today – I personally fail to find any humor in these people. Accidental stupidity can be seen as humorous, deliberate stupidity not so much, and I find these people to be very dangerous to our form of government. The internal enemy is harder to identify and harder to eliminate. I’m not really concerned about them rising up in any kind of revolt, they are loud and threatening, but they are also more crazy than stupid, and know that any armed revolt will be squashed, white or not(see D. Koresh et al.). No, their plan is more insidious that that, they are attempting to get what they want thru the state legislatures, which they already control the majority of, and then call for a Constitutional Convention. You and I may not find it so funny when the Church Police come knocking on our front door on Sunday. I’m in complete agreement with you, my brother, all except the humorous part……

  6. I take them seriously, I do. I know people actually believe everything they’re told by people like Robertson. But sometimes its a choice between laughing and crying.

    And I find hilarious the idea that Pat ranks himself up there with the biblical prophets, when the Bible he is supposed to be defending warns us against false prophets like him.

    Part of me even sees humor in the right’s base, gobbling up this nonsense. It’s scary, I know it is, but it’s way beyond absurd as well, and I can’t help but find that funny.

  7. Very well articulated. Like many before him he will die a slow, miserable death questioning the existence of the God that made him millions.

    It is difficult for me to adequately express myself without lacing my message with profanities, especially when it comes to disingenuous SOB’s like Robertson. Like the Taliban, evangelicals want to silent, by any means necessary, those who would hold a different world view. The 21st Century policy is to cast the poor into deeper poverty to convince them the answer is the hope of the resurrection. The message is simple – give up- you’ll get your reward in heaven. They’d be better off reading Aesop’s Fables and ingesting peyote. The high is better and doesn’t demand your wallet or your soul.

    Finally, I’d like to say I hope he gets a miserable case of the clap [God’s personal punishment for not combatting gayness with enough vigor] and loses his tax exempt status!

    Again, well written….

  8. Another theory could be that there is a god of some sort and she sends us these clowns for pure entertainment. The old saying, “Give a man enough rope and he’ll hang himself” may be more a prophecy than just an old colloquialism.

  9. I’m confused.

    Bachmann says that the President is bringing about the end times. Isn’t the end times preceded by the Rapture? If so, isn’t this something a “good christian” is suppose to look forward to? So why is she complaining?

    Haven’t fundamentalists, Robertson, Hagee and others of that ilk, been sending money to Israel to bring about Armageddon which is suppose to herald the second coming of christ?

    http://www.washingtonsblog.com/2012/02/evangelical-christians-want-to-start-wwiii-to-speed-the-second-coming-and-atheist-neocons-are-using-religion-to-rile-them-up-to-justify-war-against-iran.html

    Yet didn’t Jesus say only his father knows the time of his return? Mark 13:31-32.

    I know, I know. I’m going to hell for mocking these people, but it is so much fun turning their words around on them.

  10. Yeah whatever Sparky!!! Pat I will come on your show and mock you and YOUR god till your head explodes. And Pat science has “smacked down” god! now you just need to let the loser go! Science and FACT WON!! God lost.

  11. These people deserve to be laughed at. They are pretty much begging for it. If they truly believe what they say, then I feel sorry for them as well. What they are not following, however, is Christianity. They are also not true patriots. To be a patriot, you have to believe in the Constitution Of The United States Of America. That document clearly creates separation of Church and State. They want to turn this country into a theocrasy and force everyone to follow what they construe to be Christianity. Whose interpretation of their faith will be the one chosen that we all must follow? They are all fools and deserve to be laughed at.

  12. It is easy enough to read the Bible and see what it shows us to be the values of Jesus Christ.

    Those values include welcoming the outsider, the unclean, and the sinner, fighting with the Righteous, and warning about how difficult it is for the wealthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Or in other words, exactly the opposite of Pat Robertson’s values.

  13. As a born again Christian, I have to agree with much of this article. The “Religious” right does perverse the Bible to support their out of touch agenda which is to take from the poor and give to the wealthy for no explainable reason.

    Bachmann & Robertson only apply the scriptures to their life that they agree with. They don’t seem to like the passage, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

    The whole Homosexuality thing vs. the Church isn’t so much about two people of the same sex marrying. Its about gays loving their partners more than loving God and His son Jesus unto Salvation.

    The gays dislike God because they’ve been taught, God hates gays. The right has misquoted the Bible about the love of God for hundreds of years by keeping God in a box.

    This is where the “Religious” right fails to see what the Bible says. God loves all people and Jesus gave Himself as a ransom to take away the sins of the world and the people who love God and will turn to Him. “God is love.”

  14. Blasphemy Laws are put into place because a precious few feel that their All-Powerful God needs them to protect it’s feelings.

    Screw your God and the horse he rode in on, Blood Diamonds Robertson.

  15. I also believe that the likes of Pat Robertson, Michele Bachmann, Joseph Farah et al, are idiots, and I believe TOTALLY in the separation of church and state, But your interpretation of scripture is just as wrong as theirs. In the quote from Matthew 16, Jesus is NOT referring to his second coming, but to his resurrection and ascension, which they DID see, and in the quote from I Thessalonians 4, Paul was using the collective “we” referring to all believers, whenever the second coming occurs. This “rapture” interpration of scripture that the whack a doodles love so much is only about 150 years old, and has been rejected by the vast majority of biblical scholars.

  16. I agree Patricia. In fact, it seems like a win-win for everyone. They all get to go to “heaven” and the rest of us can finally live in peace without them!

  17. We might make a mockery of Robertson. But he make a tremendous mockery of Christianity and will be taking a lot of followers to the final barbecue.

  18. Respectfully, you are mistaken. The quote from Matthew is the same passage as that found in Mark 16:28, which says in unequivocal terms: “Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see that the kingdom of God has come with power.”

    He is not talking about his resurrection. In fact, Geza Vermes argues that the “some standing here” line is “probably an attempt to extend the waiting period beyond the lifetime of Jesus…”

    Jesus, of course, had expected God to intervene before he died.

  19. Men like Pat Robertson are the faces of “true evil.” They are no longer relevant and their true colors are finally beginning to show. The time is now to speak up. They are starting to “sweat” because people are finally seeing them for what they truly are…bloodsuckers.

  20. Why now? We have been mocking Robertson for 55 years, ever since he started broadcasting his increasingly insane twaddle. Why would God wait sooooo long?

    Maybe Robertson is whining “My Daddy is gonna beat you up” because the mockery is so hilarious lately because his twaddle is so insane lately.

  21. I would like the opportunity to spar with you here, Richrd46, over a few of you observations….
    First, whatever you may consider yourself, people like Robertson and Bachmann are not christians – by definition, christians are followers of Christ – people like Bachmann and her ilk adhere to their cherry-pickings from the Old Testament, which was pre-Jesus. Secondly, there’s nothing christian or even godly about people like Robertson, he’s nothing more than a modern-day revival tent shyster. And thirdly, your comment “gays dislike god” – you do realize, don’t you, that there are many, many gay christians, or do you exclude them because you dislike the thought of what someone else does in the privacy of their own homes? Have you ever even considered the fact that God isn’t the problem, the problem is organized religion? If you consider yourself a christian, but dislike what your fellow christians of the extremist bent are espousing, I would suggest calling them out on it.

  22. Richard46, to say that you were “born again” is an insult to your mother because you are in a way embarrassed of that birth. I have yet to meet a “born again” Christian that did not have toys in the attic or was a complete and total charlatan. You may have in YOUR mind been “born again” but I’m afraid you are the victim of a miscarriage. Apologize to your mother and put down that book of lies.

  23. The end of the world is coming!!

    It has already started.
    In Tibet, the earthquake came, because they are not Christians…

    Congress is next…
    and then the rest of you non-believers, unless you repent and start believing in the “shinny-magic-stone-that-fell-from the sky-thingy”

  24. Apparently guys like Hagee don’t mind appearing to be jackasses when their crystal ball predictions fail to pan out……as long as the dollars keep flowing in from the marks.

  25. You arc a true follower of Yeshua.

    Most people who claim to be Christians… and those who oppose them… totally misunderstand the mission of Yeshua.

    He taught that the Holy Spirit was immanent and that those who were born again from HER were brothers and sisters of one another.

    If all of you would read scholarly works on the origin and formation of the Christan churches you would be pleasantly surprised.

  26. Laughter and mockery is akin to “cancer” for those who peddle fear and hate (the little roaches). One example:

    Watch the brilliance of Mel Brooks in “The Producers” (“Hitler in Spring Time” show tune) and “History of the World” (“The Inquisition” show tune); his mockery and laughter gives everyone relief from the tyranny rained upon the Jews, who were, in fact, persecuted by Christians on numerous occasions.

    There are many, many more examples brilliant satirist spoofing Christian fanatics, far too many to name in 1000 characters…

    The more we goof on them for their stupidity, mock their crazy “predict the future” con game, laugh at their irrational dogmatic lies, the more we “check-mate” their next premeditate move. They have become so predictable and boring, but yet, we cannot ignore the fact that they have put themselves in powerful positions in our government. But, since they “hate” the government too…they will eventually render themselves helpless.

  27. WRONG! Everyone knows that any and all natural disasters are caused by “the gays”. Just ask Pat. Uh-huh, and Pat also said “the gays” caused 911…

    So,”Shiny-magic-stone-that-fell-from-the-sky-thingy”? Are you talking about Marcus Bachmann getting glitter-bombed as THE reason all non-christians should repent?
    Or, are you talking about Scientology? Or, Mork from Ork? Inquiring minds want to know!

  28. Thomas Paine was a pamphleteer whose manifestos encouraged the faltering spirits of the country and aided materially in winning the war of Independence:
    I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of…Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all.” James Madison, fourth president and father of the Constitution, was not religious in any conventional sense. “Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise.”
    “During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What have been its fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity, in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution.”
    Maybe Mr Robertson needs to learn history again.

  29. fundamentalists have bee mocking Jesus for a long time so they are the ones that should be worried about god’s anger.

  30. Pat, you should read the Tripoli Tready:

    Article 11 reads:

    Art. 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen [Muslims]; and as the said States never entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mahometan [Muslim] nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

  31. I have predicted this over and over on MSNBC Hardball and many others and will keep it alive because I know this is true destiny! The more I watch Ted Cruz, the more I realize his true density, oh sorry, destiny! People will soon realize that Ted was set upon this earth to replace Pat Robertson. You can more than see it, you can feel it when he speaks with thunder and the old school preachers of ’70’s television only with a deep black hole where all sencerity and grace is lost forever. Perfect for the 21st Century of tiny cordless Mics so both hands can be free in the full out position looking like humility, but really meaning…”Love me, Oh how they Love me”! WINK

  32. We make fun of the fundamentalists because that is what fundamentalists are here for. We put in the fun, they put in the “mental”. Well, I guess they also put in the “Duh!” too!

  33. And here I thought America was already doomed due to
    1. The Supreme Court outlawing prayer in school (they didn’t);
    2. Abortion;
    3. Marriage equality;
    4. A President who is “the Other.” (Black)

    Now I find out we can be saved by just not laughing at Pat Robertson. Wow, what a relief.

  34. Well, Pat Robertson, if God smacks anyone down, it’ll be the hypocrites who call themselves Christians.

    You, know who I mean Pat, they are members of Congress and State legislatures that feed the rich, abolish the middle class and starve the poor!

  35. These people seem to have confused themselves with God. People are eminently mockable because we are all flawed creatures who screw up pretty often. (That’s actually Christian theology–only Jesus can be perfect and above reproach.) They don’t just get mad because they’re being insulted–they threaten the rest of us by saying their spiritual Daddy’s gonna come whip us, just you wait!

    I was addicted to ABC’s comedy “GCB” (which had to be abbreviated because the novel it was inspired by, “Good Christian Bitches,” had a radioactive title.) It made fun of church culture and upper-class church ladies and Texas. It was actually pretty reverent towards God. But it was deemed “anti-Christian,” so it couldn’t get sponsors and only lasted one season. Apparently making fun of some of God’s little helpers = mocking God.

    These people need to develop thicker skins and a sense of humor. The rest of us have to. As for the world, we humans are destroying it ourselves just fine.

  36. Will someone get hold of Pat, give him his medication and return him to the old people’s home and LOCK THE DOOR this time.

  37. I was just having fun…

    Recently I visited a place, where the local people consider it the “energy Vortex” & sell crystals to heal and get things “balanced”.

    Some stones have more attributes than others, and it is said to help individuals in many ways.

    Meteorites are very special, since they fell from the sky and have different compositions.

    And yes!…the gays cause everything else, including bad hair days.

  38. i really do wish I could be there when pat Robertson dies and God finally gets to confront this horrible, horrible man and fake Christian for being pure evil, a devil with a hateful heart. I think he is in for surprise- as all these fake rightwing Christians are in for too. I hope they all will realize how wrong they have been and that peddling hate and fear is not what real Christians do.

  39. I don’t think he’s the least bit funny, but I do think he’s evil and extremely dangerous. We need to continue to speak out against him and others that feel the same way, and vocalize their racist feelings.

  40. Pat, Bachmann are totally sick we must remember Satan is a god too and I believe this is the one they worship. They rob the poor and give it to the rich, this is truly wicked. Even this Jesus they preach of gave up on this god they preach when he said on the cross ‘My god why have you forsaken me’, because Satan has deceived the whole world. If their Jesus was true why do His disciples have European names and there was no such language as english during his lifetime. And please don’t forget Jimmy Swaggart in this bunch of crooks of robbing the poor with lies of a heaven when they die while they live in heaven while they live here on earth. Because they know when they do die there’s nothing you can do to them for their lying to them. And those like them are just as evil as they are ‘Disciple of Satan’.

  41. Pat Robertson, M. Bachmann and Jimmy Swaggart are false teachers in the name of god. They rob the poor to be rich and feed the rich. They know what they speak are lies that dumb poor people will receive because they believe there has to be a better life than what they have received in their lifetime. So they tell them of this great life will come when they die, while they live the life of heaven here on earth before they die, because after death there is nothing. That’s why the Jesus they preach said “I go and you see me no more”. We must understand that Satan was a god also, but of everything evil that’s why the Bible says “He (satan) has deceived the whole world”. If the Jesus they preach was from a higher power then why did His disciple have english names when the english language did not even exist during the time He lived in, the new testament was in english and the old testament had the names of the prophets in the language of old. The names like John, Paul, Matthews are en…

  42. Regarding this:
    “For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Matthew 16: 27, 28)
    I wonder why more Christians think Jesus is a liar than think that Jesus told the truth and the second coming has long since come and gone and we are the descendants of the sinners that were left on Earth after the rapture. Maybe this is why we no longer see any evidence of God, whereas in biblical times he would turn people into salt just for disobeying him.

  43. *Real* Christians are so embarrassed by these guys, the way we all are by the weird relative who comes to Thanksgiving and slurps up half the boxed wine.

    (sigh)

  44. Hrafnkell, please address the fact that Robertson is still getting Tax Exemption without regulation… and Faith-based funding (we don’t know how much or what he does with it) And an FAA television station… the government subsidizes all the religions! please investigate and publicize.
    Thank you for your articles and essays.

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