Texas Governor Greg Abbott Orders State Militia To Monitor the U.S. Military

Texans, particularly Republican and staunchly conservative Texans, have been highly suspicious of the federal government since Americans elected Barack Obama as President. In fact, Texas hardly considers itself part of the United States and often floats the idea of seceding to form its own nation. Recently, reports that the United States military is planning training exercises in Texas has elicited fear among paranoid residents that the federal government is secretly planning a military takeover.

Instead of ignoring the paranoid Texans, or telling them to grow up, Texas Governor Greg Abbott incited more distrust by ordering a Texas militia to keep the real U.S. military under a watchful eye to prevent any violations of the Constitution and Texans’ liberties. Abbott sent a letter instructing the Commander of the Texas State Guard, a state militia and not the real “National Guard,” to monitor the military’s movements and update the governor’s office. Abbott issued an official Tweet exacerbating Texans’ paranoia about federal tyranny that read;  “I’ve ordered the Texas State Guard to monitor Jade Helm 15 to safeguard Texans’ constitutional rights, private property & civil liberties.”

Jade Helm 15 is the designation of a planned training operation of about 1,200 elite forces from all four branches of the United States military conducted in seven states across the southwest with military role players standing in for hostile and less-hostile forces. Fueled by conspiracy theorists and distrust of the federal government, Texas citizens who are certain the Obama Administration, in concert with the United Nations, is planning a military takeover of Bastrop County angrily confronted a representative of the U.S. Army over the military’s upcoming Jade Helm 15 training exercise scheduled between July 15 and September 15.

After six years of conservative, armed militia, and teabagger fear-mongering coupled with paranoid conspiracy theorists about an Obama takeover plot, Texans crowded into the Bastrop County Commission to badger a U.S. Army spokesman with questions worthy of certified lunatics. The packed room meant an overflow crowd had to watch and gnash their teeth from downstairs on a closed-circuit television.

The questions fielded by Army spokesman, Lt. Col. Mark Lastoria, were bizarre and driven by madness leading Lastoria to assure the crowd that there would be no intelligence gathered on non-participants, no Texans’ property would be confiscated, and no psychological operations would be conducted. Participants’ suspicion of the Obama administration drove their demands to know why they had not been individually notified about the exercise; likely because they will be conducted on private property with the expressed approval of the landowners.

When the Army spokesman told the crowd that most of the landowners are either Veterans or connected to the military, one participant demanded to know why Texas residents were not permitted to vote on it. Lastoria replied “I don’t understand why you would vote on private land use.” Another man stood up to ask a series of increasingly specific questions about what was going to happen to protesters who trespassed on private land to disrupt Jade Helm exercises, and whether the operations would be suspended if they were disrupted. Lastoria only replied that “I would find it bizarre that someone would violate someone else’s private property to make a personal statement.”

It was really bizarre that the Texans were seriously suspicious of the recent closing of five Walmart stores in Texas that apparently incited fears the stores were being converted into detention centers for patriotic Texans, or somehow secretly linked by underground tunnels to transport large numbers of troops undetected. The patient Army spokesman Lastoria said that if the concerned Texans had done “an extra minute of research” they would have learned that each of the five stores were involved in labor disputes. Walmart is notorious for shuttering stores before giving in to workers’ organizing demands.

It surprised the Army spokesman, but if he had done an extra minute of research on seriously insane conspiracy theories he would have expected the lunacy of questions about the United Nations’ part in the military exercises. Lastoria had to assure the Texans that the United Nations was not involved in the U.S. military’s operations, and he drew jeers from the crowd when he told them he was not familiar with Agenda 21.

There has been no dearth of conspiracy theories relating to the Jade Helm 15 military training this summer and they run the gamut from Walmart colluding with the Department of Homeland Security to the Obama Administration enlisting assistance from ISIS in Mexico to invade and take over Texas. Apparently the fear mongering has become so virulent that some Texas Rangers (cops, not baseball players) are preparing to mobilize and ‘defend the Constitution‘ when the invasion and assault on the Constitution goes down. Instead of ignoring the noise and allowing the U.S. military to go about its business, Texas Governor Gregg Abbott waded in and ginned up the conspiracy theories and incited more suspicion of the federal government with the announcement he tasked the state militia to spy on the real military. It leads one to believe the governor is just as suspicious and conspiracy-enthralled as the lunatic crowd in Bastrop County.

A less-paranoid governor would have felt no need to issue orders to what is basically a Texas tinhorn militia and trust the United States military to proceed with its planned exercise without interference. But according to Abbott, the U.S. military cannot be trusted and requires monitoring by a state militia; all so the governor can stay informed about the training schedules and facilitate communications with local law enforcement and citizens. A normal scenario would be the governor communicating directly with the military if they really felt there was an issue that warranted his involvement. But this is Texas, after all, and there is hardly anything normal about the Lone Star state including its assertion that it is special and not really part of America.

57 Replies to “Texas Governor Greg Abbott Orders State Militia To Monitor the U.S. Military”

  1. if in Texan minds its not really part of the United States then do they consider the money they get from the government foreign aid? and can we cut it off?

    as for being part of America… I point this out from time to time… Americans include everyone from Canada down to the tip of Chile… America consists of two continents North and South…

  2. Semantically yeah, Americans include everyone on both continents.

    But it’s also called: The United States OF America. And which other country in the Americas includes “America” in their name?

    So what would you have us call ourselves then?

    US-ers? Staters? Unities?

  3. If lunatic Texas wants to succede, then the US will have to increase the border patrol around Texas borders to prevent Texans from illegally immigrating to the US.

  4. How about USA-ers?
    We Canucks have always been pretty much pi$$ed off that you guys corralled the adjective American to mean only you. Our cultures are so similar that most Europeans don’t make any distinctions between our two countries. That’s why we make sure to let them know who we really are when we travel there (!!!)
    At any rate, we surely don’t see any resemblance between us and Texas; striking fear in the hearts of its citizens over an imaginary enemy is not something with which we can identify……thank goodness.

  5. My fear is that some paranoid Texan or member of the state militia will see something that he/she considers suspicious and blast somebody.

    And since this is private property, can a member of the state militia be arrested for trespass if they go onto the property to observe?

  6. Texas the Lone Star State has becomed the LOONY Star State.

    And the condition must be contagious, since it is spreading fast.

    Texans may become more rabid and may start shooting everyone. So sad…

    But, please send letters & care packages to the members of the military and show your support to their efforts, at home and in those not-endind wars that the stupid President “W” from Texas, send them to fight.
    The US should close all the military centers and see how that affect their economy.

  7. our Canadian friends could just as easily have called themselves the United Provinces of America and semantically have been just as justified…

    semantics actually do matter at times…

    eh Hoser?

  8. Sounds like we need to put Texas on probation and cut off their money supply until they can comply to the rules of “statehood”! Like be nice or you will have to stay inside at recess! The inmates have taken over the asylum! They need to start following the Constitution – as written!

  9. I’ll bet when Abbott finds out about all those military bases in Texas spending billions directly supporting his alien idiot state he will be really scared.

    Shut down those bases, let Texas secede, and the NRA and all the looney tune GOP candidates can form their own country. Running around with their bibles and guns destroying our country is not patriotism.

  10. I asked this question time and again: “Are there no sane people in the Great State of Texas?” If so, can these sane adults please take control?

  11. Stop! You’re making me jealous! Almost anyway [WINK] These people definitely make us embarrassed. Texas is a prime example of the inmates running the asylum, Perry and now Abbott.

  12. Good thinking. Sequestration is due to cut 10% of the DoD budget. Since cuts will have to be made, closing bases in Texas might be one way to make those cuts. I like it.

  13. There used to be sane people in TX, but a prion disease called movement conservatism turned them all into braindead zombies.

  14. Its funny how all the bagger gunnuts want to pretend they’re John Wayne in a bad western. They sure eat up the conspiracy theories manufactured by people that want to make money off the foolish, uneducated, wimps.

  15. In light of the fact that Greg Abbott is an unhinged, irrational, incompetent imbecile the Pentagon should immediately nationalize the Texas National Guard for the sake of national security.

  16. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I live near Fayetteville, North Carolina home to Fort Bragg, one of the largest military bases in the country. For as long as I can remember they have had the same kind of exercises. Here they call them Operation Robin Sage. When they do this they DO NOT enact marshal law, they DO NOT take anyones guns, they DO NOT bring UN people, they DO NOT take peoples property.Texas has truly lost their mind. Training exercises occur often, you want them to be prepared right? Gov. Abbot is fearmonggering plain and simple.

  17. I think the military needs to go ahead with military ops in just six western states. Take Texas away from participating if the people are so “scared” See how they like it if they lose money because soldiers won’t be there. Nuts!

  18. The only thing I find unusual is they didn’t pick the Arizona or Mexico desert, I mean why go to Texas?

  19. Because it offers the best territory for training to fight wars in the Middle east and if that’s not good enough its because they can. Who the hell is Texas to tell where we can train our troops?

  20. tonybudz:
    There are exercises all over the West. In Southern AZ, Southern Ca, Southern NM, Mid Utah. Some are permant designations, others are temporary.

    Most states even fight for the bases exercises, as it brings lots of people and $$$. Even Prince Harry was practicing in some western small town and got to eat pizza with the locals.

    In Texas, the military is entering:

  21. You guys “REMEMBER THE ALAMO”??? Lets “lock” all of these “CRAZY-LUNATICS” up “inside” of it and then “let” them “pretend” too or actually “attempt” too defend Texas from inside that “exact” location. Just like they did in the “good old days”!!! Who will get to “play” the “part” of Jim Bowie the “Man” with the “Big-Knife”? How “Romantic” a group of real “Texan Men” locked up inside of a “real-fort” together (almost like being inside of a real prison) facing the horrors of “real” combat against the forces of the U.S. Govt…. The question is!!! What “COLOR” Cow-Boy Hats will they “all” be wearing??? “REMEMBER THE ALAMO” (again)!!! [WINK]

  22. Jade Helm 15 is the designation of a planned training operation of about 1,200 elite forces from all four branches of the United States military . . .

    One slight correction.

    That line should read, “from four of the five branches of the United States military.”*

    The U.S. Coast Guard, often “the forgotten service,” is a branch of the military. It’s under DHS, not DOD, but it’s very much a branch of the U.S. military.

    *Unless the USCG is participating, too. I didn’t see them listed in the one decent article I found. It’s hard to find a decent article on Jade Helm 15 – they’re mostly either endorsing wacko conspiracy theories or they’re articles about the wacko conspiracy theories.

    Semper Paratus

  23. Remember the animated short feature called “Bambi meets Godzilla”…Oh NO! there goes the Alamo! Go! Go! Godzilla!! Well He picks up a Texan and he throws him back down as he wades through Tea Partier’s in the middle of town! Please let the Texas Militia attack the U.S. Military! I want to see those morons piss like a puppy when they face the most awesome power on the face of the planet….NO!! NOT OPRAH!…

  24. Like it too Patricia only would go further. Cut all federal money to Texas, Soc sec, medical, schools roads parks any and all military Bases, include the space center too,any funds coming from the federal. Texas… stand alone, like you think you can. Prove you are the big big tough Texan, not just talk.

  25. Apparently Evans, Texas thinks they have given us the sane grown ups. Three Bushes, Cruz, Perry ,the present Gov. Just SHORT EXAMPLE OF being a Texan. All I can say is: God, I’m glad I am not a Texan.

  26. Republican governors are some of the more stupid people in the country. Abbott, after only a few months in office, is fitting right in.

  27. When nothing happens, Abbott will proclaim he and he alone protected Texans from the evil Obama and even eviler United Nations. He will then use his “success” to make a run for the White House.

  28. I like you idea except for the fact that San Antonio has the Air Force Basic Training Base there and unlike Cities like Dallas and Houston, San Antonio has a liberal mayor and is a progressive, liberal city… All Texans are not teabaggers wanting to secede…I don’t want to see the hurt that closing Lackland AFB would place on the people of San Antonio…Big part of their economy… It’s unfortunate that the South lost the Civil War with teabagger thinking…Now they want to repeat the same mistake…The north was smarter then and still is today…They are just sabre rattling..

  29. I agree that the federal government should pull all funding, offices and military installations in Texas until the Texas voters support being a member of the United States (yes – united). If they don’t like the government, certainly they would not want to be on their payroll, right?

  30. Not solely stupid – all politicians in Texas know that pandering to the local idiots is the easiest way to stay in office.

    The rest of the civilized world laughs at Texas and its “quaint” provincial ways, and uses them as the stereotype of why this country is not fit to lead the world conversation on most issues. Outside the US of Texas, ignorance and intolerance are not viewed as qualities that move the nation or the world forward.

    Much of the old “South” still fears progress of any type that would reduce polticians’ ability to rule by fear. They like fear as a tool to divide and conquer – and old concept.

  31. 1,2,3 it’s time to DROP THE TRUTH BOMB, texas actually has a strong liberal movement going on within it but of course since the GOP OWNS 90% of the media, 99% of what comes out of there are the POTBELLY- TABACCO CHEWING- REDNECK- COWBOY WANNA BES!! texas, like much of the GOP is nothing but a bunch of LOUD MOUTH, TOUGH GUY TALKIN’- FAKE AS$ wanna be daniel boone types! texas isn’t gonna do a DAMN! thing!! it’s ALL TALK and NO action!! Think about it, when chuck norris and ted nuggent are your HEROS, how TOUGH are you?? PLEASE! I predict texas will be PURPLE by before 2024!! C’MON! ya gotta let those overweight BOSS HOGG types to die from swallowing all that tobacco and FRIED FOOD!

  32. Don’t send guns, send deprogrammers who will let them know that it’s time for a “Come to Jebus” meetin’…it worked on the Warren Jeff’s encampments. Slowly, people started escaping after they jailed him and the numbers have dwindled since.

  33. Do not confuse all Texans with Abbott and the right wing nut jobs. Unfortunately we have the same problem here that afflicts the remainder of the United States. We as a people bitch a lot but are too lazy to get out and vote and, as a result, morons like Perry and Abbott are elected by the right wing fringe that does vote. The fault is not in the stars (including lone stars) but in ourselves…..

  34. On behalf of all *normal* Texans, I apologize for the stupidity being so profoundly displayed towards our country and especially our military personnel who are just doing their jobs and going through routine training. I assure you, not all of us voted for Abbott in last year’s election. Actually, fewer than 20% of Texans voted in last year’s elections, so he and other Republicans won their seats more by default. Again, sorry. >facepalm<

  35. Once I got into this I thought i was reading an article from ‘The Onion’… then I remembered…this is about Texas!

  36. I am from Texas and why would we do that when we would be making money off you. 98% of refined Gasoline comes form Texas. Houston alone created more jobs than the entire state of California last year alone. So unless you know Texans shut your pie we love this country but don’t trust big government let the people. Plus, Texas is one of the few states that balance their budget every year and have reserve left over without government assistance.

  37. Too bad that in reality federal funds are 40% of the State General Revenue for Texas. According to the Tax Foundation it was 11th on the list. Texas has been a net taker on federal taxes for years.

  38. A little background to see whence Texas came from. In 1836 Texas was formed because the Mexican government disavowed slavery, while Texans were invested in the peculiar institution. Thus, the Alamo. To that point, John Quincy Adams said the following in the House of Representative on June 18, 1836: ““The war now verging in Texas is a Mexican civil war, and a war for the re-establishment of slavery where it was abolished. It is not a servile war, but a war between slavery and emancipation, and every possible effort had been made to drive us into the war, on the side of slavery. . . ” Thirty years later Texas seceded and joined the Confederacy.

    It seems those evils persist to the present – states rights and all that nonsense. Will it ever end?

  39. It seems those evils persist to the present – states rights and all that nonsense. Will it ever end?

  40. As a Libertarian, im overjoyed to see someone step up to the plate against the Feds bullying tactics. Left wing governments and political entities have been the cause of the worst atrocities of the 20th century (Stalin and Mao make Hitler look like a saint) and distrusting them doesn’t make you a “loon”, if anything trusting them blindly makes you a fool. I am not an uneducated backwoods redneck, in fact im a former army medic who is now an RN and I live in a progressive city in the northern Midwest. We are blessed to have the 2nd amendment in the this country (except were it is illegally banned by liberals cough Chicago, cough commiefornia, cough D.C. , cough New York) because it allows us to defend against criminals and tyrannical governments. We will never have a genocide in this nation so long as the 2nd amendment is alive and well. Militias are the reason this country exists and why we can speak freely here.

  41. Loonies: The military isn’t your enemy. they are us. They are our children and spouses and fathers and mothers. What kind of myopic fool would think that the people in the military would stand to overwhelm and enslave our own country? do you think everyone in the military is somehow brainwashed? It may happen in other countries but we are not other countries. Never have been and never will. The civil war got all of that our of our system. Except for the loosing south that has a hereditary grudge against anything socially responsible. So No, they aren’t brainwashed, actually, they have protections against that. You are the only ones brainwashed. Look in the mirror, you are the enemy, along with the banksters, and the 1 percenters (Kroch bro’s). You are their best friends.

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