Republican Presidential Hopefuls Put Their Buffoonery on Display in South Carolina


Were I them, I’d cringe reading about the things they said at the 2015 South Carolina Republican Party State Convention on Saturday. Shouldn’t you save the really stupid stuff for where nobody can hear you?

Apparently not, as the Fabulous Five, Jeb Bush, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Lindsey Graham, and Ted Cruz, got together and agreed to collectively sound like Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

To show you the kind of brain power we are talking about here, CNN reveals that Rick Perry “got perhaps the biggest applause of the day when he said ‘the best defense against crime is an armed citizen.'”

This is demonstrably untrue, but then the entire Republican agenda is based on things that are demonstrably untrue, but which they wish were true, so this is hardly surprising.

The audience loved it, of course. You would expect them to. “The dumber the better” seems to be the cry for 2016.

And Ted Cruz proved it. The guy who can’t be bothered to show up for his job, who has introduced only one piece of legislation and failed to vote on most others, said loftily:

2016 isn’t going to be an election about whoever’s got the loftiest rhetoric. Folks are going to look past at what people are saying and look at what you’ve done.

He better hope not, cause he’s done nothing except talk.

But it is Lindsey Graham who may have won the Hasselbeck Prize when he said that, “I see a Republican Party” – this is the same Republican Party whose policies are in large part responsible for the Baltimore riots – “giving people in Baltimore and nearly every other big city hope like they haven’t seen in past eight years.”

Rick Perry told the be-dumbed, “The great issue of our time is a battle between western values of freedom and this totalitarian world view of Islamic fanatics.” And Lindsey Graham said, “They want to purify their religion and they want to destroy ours.”

Wow, I could almost forget the Republican Party’s own purity drive. And wasn’t it Rick Santorum who said mainline protestants are actually serving Satan these days, and aren’t even really Christians?

Graham went after Islam. No doubt tired of hiding under his bed from ISL, he complained, “I’ve never seen so many threats to our homeland as I see today.”

There are more terrorist organizations with more safe havens, more capability, more weapons, more men, than hit us on any time before 9/11.

Ted Cruz, not to be outdone, said,

We need a president who’s not an apologist for radical Islamist terrorism, suggesting that it’s just like the Crusades and the Inquisition. We need a president who says ISIS is the face of evil and we will stop it.

But as Bloomberg pointed out, it was Santorum who “led the Republican charge in South Carolina on radical Islam.”

Santorum agreed to forget all about his own past in particular and the GOP’s obsession with the past in general:

You can’t defeat ISIS unless you define the enemy for who it is. This is an enemy that wants to bring back a version of Islam that was popular in the 7th Century, a radical idea about beheading and crucifixions.

Ready for the punchline?

“This is not a modern Islam. It’s a 7th century Islam. So I have a suggestion: Let’s bomb them back to the 7th century.”

Like whatever bastardized abortion of a religion they’re promoting is somehow a modern-day Christianity. These guys sound like the Christian monks who murdered female mathematician and philosopher Hypatia in fifth century Alexandria, Egypt, for standing up for actually thinking, rather than believing.

Her murder effectively replaced the questing spirit of Hellenistic philosophy and science with the “Do not ask questions, just believe,” paradigm, which last until the Renaissance.

If any group does not have the right to call another religion backward-looking, it is the Religious Right.

One resolution which came up at the convention was “Cold War Victory Day” which would replace “May Day” on May 1, because May Day is, you know, so Communist, even though it’s been a festival since before Christianity.

They had a whole bunch of resolutions to consider, like teaching the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence in public schools (presumably until they auction the public schools off to the highest bidder), and then violating the Constitution by letting the Senate have a say in the president’s negotiations with Iran (you immediately see the need to teach the Constitution), and of course, pledging loyalty to Israel.

Kinda wish they’d pledge loyalty to the United States of America, but I suppose that would be too much to ask.
Photo: Twitter @SCGOP

27 Replies to “Republican Presidential Hopefuls Put Their Buffoonery on Display in South Carolina”

  1. “He [Cruz] better hope not, cause he’s done nothing except talk.”
    Well, except for shutting down the government to the tune of a cost of more than 20 billion dollars. And lying about it.

    So yes, take him at his own word and he’s done nothing but talk. What a prize.

  2. So, “the party of stupid” went with the usual fear, loathing and bastardization of God and country. Oh, and war, the neverending solution to everything.

  3. My mamma didn’t encourage me to become a comedian. I screwed up and forgot about it. What a mistake! Being a comedian from now until next November will be the cushiest job on the planet. Sooooo much material. Who knew?

  4. I’ll have to get back to you with a comment. Right now I’m trying not to wet myself laughing so hard.

  5. There’s one thing we can all agree on. If any one of these clowns get elected, the country will go down the drain.

  6. Sounds like that whole event was nothing more then one big game of one-up with idiots doing the one-up.

    ‘I can make the dumbest comment!’
    ‘No! I will make the dumbest comment!’
    ‘Bitches, please. Make way for the King of Dumb.’

  7. All I can say to: Dear Republicans, if you have an ounce of common sense, and empathy for your common humans, please rethink your political priorities. I am appalled at the standing ovations, you give these candidates. They use the Name of God in all of their speeches, but the only god they know and worship is M-O-N-E-Y, and P-O-W-E-R over the masses.

    Break out of your bubble you live in, and look around you to see the state of your union.
    If you are religious think about what would the deity you believe in do??? I think he/she would WEEP.

  8. Rick Perry told the be-dumbed, “The great issue of our time is a battle between western values of freedom and this totalitarian world view of Islamic fanatics.” And Lindsey Graham said, “They want to purify their religion and they want to destroy ours.”


    Yet you used a Muslim symbol as a stage backdrop, for a conservative state convention. If democrats had used a crescent moon on any stage, at any time, the howls of “Muslim-loving democrats” would shake the internet for days, or even weeks. But of course right-wing pundits will ignore the hypocrisy, and say nothing about this truly odd choice for a stage backdrop.

  9. Exactly. 1st amendment: Freedom to impose THEIR religion on everyone else. 2nd amnedment: Any white guy with thumbs can have ANY gun they want. End of lesson.

  10. In one word….these Republicans are: C-R-A-Z-Y ! Their platform for EVERYTHING, seems to be OUT OF THIS WOOOOORLD! What is in the drink they get up in the morning and drink? Whatever it is, it fogs their eyes and minds, and puts them Waaaay out there. At time it seems that they want confrontation in this country, between Blacks, Latinos, others and “Them”, while at the same time wanting WAR with the rest of the world, they THINK America has to crush Any country that spits our way, with unleashed Military might….to prove America’s exceptionalism, according to the warmongering, pseudo Patriots. Leave it to them, we WOULD be and WILL be in conflict with their perceived “enemies”. They can’t wait to get a Republican President who would plunge us into chaos—to prove we can SHOCK AND AWE any country into leaving us alone. These Republicans have planned the: “They Are Coming to Get Us” mantra for years. But since Obama has been in office, Have “they” come after us? NO!

  11. The world should be Wary, very wary IF a Republican President occupies the White House in 2017. These dudes are Rambo like. They dismiss Diplomatic negotiations, they don’t speak to the other side, they curl their fists and say: We are coming to FIGHT you because….we are Baaaad!

  12. Remember all those cuts to education? Those kids are sitting in that audience.
    Ignorant and fearful.
    Still think education for all Americans is too expensive?

  13. The EPA, civil rights, social security, medicare, medicade, womens rights, veterans benefits, separation of church and state are all on the chopping block if the church, the KOCH bros, the stupid, err GOP, gets the WH.

    Don’t forget the possibility of naming 4 supreme court justices.

  14. “The best defense against crime is an armed citizen.”

    That depends on what the armed citizen sees as a crime. It could be a black person taking a walk and doing no harm, while this particular armed citizen thinks that he needs to defend himself and ask questions later with all the fear-mongering that the GOP/TP have been doing.

  15. Stock up on popcorn. The clown car is making its rounds. There’s plenty of room for more. I was almost disappointed that Michelle Bachman wasn’t running again, but I’m sure this year’s batch will do just fine. Rick (Oops) Perry and Rick (Kill The Gays For God) Santorum are both back to entertain us and don’t forget freshman Ben Carson. He’s sure to get a few laughs.

  16. Yep Rick, that is one full car. Two more climbed in today. Remember when they excluded Gary Johnson from the R debates because it was just too full and he was a libertarian? This time they either need a gigantic stage or they will have to put all those polling in single digits into their own debates. There are 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th tier candidates in the R circus. Most of them, thankfully, are just running for the money or the book deal or the chance to get experience to run when Hillary’s 8 years are over.

  17. Rest assured Andy, we have Abbott and Rand Paul on the job making sure those military members do not take over America, especially, *puts hand over heart* Texas.

    The funniest part of it was I heard those Jade Helm believers think the gov’t is going to use all those closed Wal-Mart stores. You can’t make this stuff up – oh, wait! They CAN make this stuff up.

  18. Sounds like a pissing contest to see who could say the dumbest stuff. Hope they didn’t miss the pisspot too often.
    Hard to believe people actually wasted their time to go and listen to this drivel.

  19. The GOP has no platform to run on so they all use the same line.Have you all noticed they are not running on healthcare,jobs,pipeline and the war?Nothing!They are out of steam.

  20. “I’ve never seen so many threats to our homeland as I see today” whines southern belle Lindsey Graham. I have to absolutely agree, except I see the threat as domestic.
    The extreme violence coming from radical right-wingers is something Americans can’t afford to take lightly. From the teabagger couple who gunned down 2 cops at a pizza restaurant in Las Vegas, the teabagger who gunned down the security guard at the Jewish heritage museum in D.C., to the teabagger in Sea Breeze NY near Rochester who set a row of houses on fire, when the fire fighters arrived he opened fire on them and murdered 2, the tea baggers who had high powered rifles aimed at federal marshals at tax cheat Cliven Bundy’s ranch, to the tea bagger who went into the Unitarian church in Tennesee and sprayed the interior with bullets, killing 2 and wounding 6. yeah Lindsey, I’m on board.

  21. And I want Americans to never forget the twenty 6 year old kids and 6 adults who were gunned down in their classroom, and the ultra-right wing NRA said the solution is more guns.
    You are so right Lindsey Graham, our homeland has never been so threatened.

  22. Can’t wait till the debates when they finally get the knives out and explain why *they* are better at being dumb than the other guy. (no women in this lot this time, not even Palin. Why do women vote Republican when they know they’ll get shoved to the back of the bus as soon as they hit 40?).

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