Ann Coulter Wants to be Donald Trump’s Head of Homeland Security

Coulter at the 2014 Eagle Forum
Coulter at the 2014 Eagle Forum
Now, towards the end of his treatise – after withholding praise from those who divide the whole multitude of mankind into two groups, namely, Greeks and Barbarians…Eratosthenes goes on to say that it would be better to make such divisions according to good qualities and bad qualities; for not only are many of the Greeks bad, but many of the Barbarians are refined…
Strabo, Geography, book 1, chapter 49

Donald Trump is rapidly surrounding himself with the ideological dregs of ancient Greece the Republican Party. First, he taps former Tea Party darling Sarah Palin, fresh from quitting her own TV channel, to be a member of his cabinet. Then, the infamous McCarthyite Ann Coulter appoints herself to be Trump’s Secretary of Homeland Security, which might seem a stretch if not for George W. Bush’s appointment of political hack Michael “You’re doing a heck of a job” Brown in 2000.

Coulter was speaking last week at the Eagle Forum’s Collegian Summit at the Heritage Foundation in Washington, D.C. when she anounced, in answer to a question,

“I would like to be the head of Donald Trump’s Homeland Security. I’ll get it all done before breakfast…I think I could kind of guess who the criminals are going to be at least 50 percent of the time. People who don’t speak English.”

2300 years ago, Eratosthenes, the guy who measured the earth’s circumference with a remarkable degree of accuracy, would have told Coulter she was wrong. 2300 years after Eratosthenes, Republican gatherings are sounding more and more like a world where there are just “Greeks and Barbarians.” Just listen to Coulter sing a paean of praise to Anglo-Protestant White Nationalist Trumpism:

Asked, “What do you think of Trump?” Coulter answered, “Oh, I love Trump. I love him. I think he can win the nomination and I can think he can win as a third party.” According to Coulter, Trump entering the election is the only way immigration was going to be brought up:

There would not be one question on immigration but for Trump running. It would have been all about, you know, transgenderism, gay marriage and global warming. Could we get to the one most important issue to America according to polls? But I was thinking about it and for one thing he really is making the other Republicans look awfully pale in comparison, and to compare it to Ross Perot who took 20 percent of the vote in 1992. Twenty percent of the vote! Ross Perot is really funny looking. He’s a little guy, his ears stick straight out, he has a funny accent, he dropped out of the race claiming the CIA was disrupting his daughter’s wedding, and it was before cable news, the Internet, and talk radio. Oh, and it’s been another twenty years of lies from the Republicans. So Trump is a way more attractive candidate…he and his entire family are used to being in the public eye…you don’t have him being funny looking with his ears sticking out and being a little guy, um, he is a fantastic speaker, Americans are angrier than they were before. I mean, back then, Perot got 20 percent of the vote because of one lie from the first George Bush. This time we have been lied to for thirty years: ‘We are going to secure the border.’ Thirty years we’ve been lied to! I now think – it just occurred to me last week – I now think if he sticks it out he could win the nomination. I know there’ll be setbacks, he’ll go down in the polls and I don’t want any of you laughing at me, um, he could end up dropping out because, why is he going through this? I think anybody good running for office, it sucks running for office. He lost a hundred million dollars already, although he may get it back with some of those lawsuits. Um, if he continues, I think he can, I mean he is more likely to be the next president than Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio, I’ll tell you that.

Yes, as always, Coulter was being deliberately provocative. But this is the sort of thing you can say to a conservative audience and still be taken seriously. Not being funny-looking is a prerequisite for president? Old Abe Lincoln should have stayed in the Wilderness, because look at his big old ears. It’s a trait he shares with the man who is president because of Abe Lincoln, Barack Obama.

All this brought us to the money shot. Asked “what is the standard for what is best for America and who gets to determine that?” Coulter answered, “Well, I think I should.”

I would like to be the head of Donald Trump’s Homeland Security. I’ll get it all done before breakfast. I’m only slightly joking with that. I don’t think it’s that hard to figure out. I mean it’s not that hard to figure out are you taking in more than you’re paying in. We used to do it pretty well. It was a lot easier when we didn’t have a welfare state and could be laissez-faire: you can’t make it, you better go home or you’re starving. Well that doesn’t exist anymore. But, um, any criminal, any possibility of a criminal, um, do not pass go, you’re gone, and by the way, I think I could kind of guess who the criminals are going to be at least 50 percent of the time. People who don’t speak English…they don’t understand the culture, the language, and worst of all, we’re not even teaching that anymore. I mean, not only did people prove their hardiness to get here by vomiting all the way across the Atlantic Ocean…and then if they couldn’t make it, it was starve or go home, um, but there was no pussy-footing around. We’re assimilating you, you’re here and you’re going to be an American. There will be no celebration of Cinco de Mayo, there will be no Ramadan, in fact there won’t even be a Feast of the Immaculate Conception – No, we are an Anglo-Protestant country, and you will learn about the Battle of Valley Forge.

Well, there wouldn’t be any reason for the Pope to visit, would there?

The Department of Homeland Security has as its mission, “preventing terrorism and enhancing security; managing our borders; administering immigration laws; securing cyberspace; and ensuring disaster resilience.” Ann Coulter would be a lousy Secretary of Homeland Security. Like Evangelicals who think the Bible is entirely about gay people, she’d spend all her time chasing around people who don’t speak English.

It’s funny – and indicative of the moral failings of conservatism – that the days when people were just left to “starve or die” are seen as the “good old days.”

Nor does Coulter appreciate the dangers faced by immigrants crossing our southern border: heat and dehydration, hypothermia on cold desert nights, drowning in a canal on the Rio Grande, falling victim to violence from human smugglers, gangs, or even the men guarding the Mexican border.

In 2010, 253 bodies were found in the Arizona desert alone. That doesn’t include bodies not found, or those who died elsewhere, or those who were robbed, or those who were raped, or sold into slavery.

No, it is safe to say these people prove their hardiness by the time they cross into the United States.

What was truly chilling about Coulter’s Q&A was her callous disregard for human life, and for the religious tolerance upon which this country was founded. Like other Republicans, she wants a return to an America that never truly existed; one frozen in time, immune to change, and dedicated to the idea of a nation established solely by and for Anglo-Protestants.

It is safe to say a place built for the likes of Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, and Ann Coulter, is no place envisioned by our Founding Fathers, or even third-century B.C. Alexandrian Eratosthenes, who thought it made more sense to divide people not along ethnic lines, but along the lines of good and bad qualities.

Coulter thinks she knows who is who, but she’s about 2300 years behind the times.

40 Replies to “Ann Coulter Wants to be Donald Trump’s Head of Homeland Security”

  1. I can’t think of one thing this BITCH has ever accomplished. Nothing. Why is she even a factor in any conversation? What is she? Who is she? A useless mouth for the RWNJ crowd.

  2. Look at me! Look at me! I, too, am relevant.
    If Sarah gets on the team, me too.

    This is getting tiresome. No wonder the rest
    of the world has lost respect for USA.

  3. I’ve stated on this site before that she is either Rick Scott in a blond wig, or his transgender brother – either way, they’re family.

  4. I wonder if the Catholics and Jews in this country realize they have been living in a Protestant country?

    Maybe this conversation should be go viral so that people realize that nobody but white evangelical protestants will be tolerated.

    This is the REPUBLICAN PARTY. Make no mistake.

  5. Ann Coulter would insist on federal laws passed by a bi-partisan Congress being enforced, outrageous!!!

    Maybe the Senator Harry Reid of 1993 would be great too!! I have no idea why it took so many years for Ann Coulter to catch up to the incontestable logic and sound reasoning of Senator Harry Reid…

    Sen Harry Reid (D-NV) “Our borders have overflowed with illegal immigrants placing tremendous burdens on our criminal justice system, schools and social programs. The Immigration and Naturalization Service needs the ability to step up enforcement. “Our federal wallet is stretched to the limit by illegal aliens getting welfare, food stamps, medical care and other benefits often without paying any taxes. “Safeguards like welfare and free medical care are in place to boost Americans in need of short-term assistance. These programs were not meant to entice freeloaders and scam artists from around the world.”

    Better late than never Ann….[WINK]

  6. Ann´s accomplishments? Can´t think of any myself..

    Ann Coulter is the author of ten books, many of which have appeared on the New York Times Best Seller list, with a combined 3 million copies sold as of May 2009. After law school, Ann Coulter served as a law clerk, in Kansas City, for Pasco Bowman II of the United States Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit. After a short time working in New York City in private practice, where she specialized in corporate law, Coulter left to work for the United States Senate Judiciary Committee after the Republican Party took control of Congress in 1994. She handled crime and immigration issues for Senator Spencer Abraham of Michigan.

    Ann Coulter, an anonymous life with no achievements…

  7. …most were hanged, one pressed, {BIG stones piled on his chest until his ribcage collapsed} and a few were given the “Dunk Test” strapped into a weighted chair, and submerged her for gradually increasing increments of time until they confessed …or drowned…I don’t think many, if any were actually burned at the stake…

  8. She’d get it all done before breakfast.

    Like Alice, I like to believe in three impossible things before breakfast.

  9. Jesus H Christ!! just when you thought the GOP couldn’t sink any lower, they fool ME!! and do! ann “HORSEFACE” coulter! SERIOUSLY?? will someone PLEASE tell me what this “Mr. Ed” wanna be has EVER accomplished in her 54 yrs on EARTH??! C’MON republican TROLLS! YOU know me! I’m that guy who loves exposing you! Now it’s YOUR turn! tell me what ann coulter has ever done?? yeah RIGHT! NA DA! The GOP is completely insane!! donald trump is the best thing to happen to the DEMOCRATIC party since FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT!! TRUMP is exposing FREAKS best better than even Louis Black or Bill Maher does! I’m waiting for the GOP to exhume the body of REAGAN and drag him on stage for some Q&A, if REAGAN isn’t available, try ayn rand! both of them made more sense NOW than when they were alive. ok ok that was LOW, I’ll give a typical republican apology, I apologize if YOU misunderstood my point, now go BLANK yourself! how was that?

  10. None were burned at the stake in Salem. Most were hanged, and Giles Cory was pressed to death because he wouldn’t confess, an act which would have deprived his children of their inheritance.

    The ducking stool in Salem was a punishment for scolds, not a tool for extracting confessions. You’re thinking of “witch swimming” as practiced in Europe, which involved hogtying the accused and throwing her into a millrace. If she floated, she was a witch and they executed her. If she drowned…well, damme, she’d been innocent. Terrible mistake, but we can’t be too careful.

  11. It might nonetheless be entertaining, if Trump is the candidate, to appear at all his whistle stops with a calliope.

  12. …since when has ANY Republican paid for thier fun??? Tezzy Crud didn’t when he shut the government down, so Mann Coulter figures; why should she???

  13. @santi, it MY fault! I should have said, “What has ann coulter accomplished that made a positive impact on society” my fault, listen ann coulter is one of the more polarizing people in america and that’s saying something! But if YOU have this burning desire to jump on the internet defending her, well YOUR DUMBA$S can die on that hill! Now why don’t you tell how wonderful david duke is?! I’m sure you must think he’s a GREAT american too, RIGHT?

  14. I think it’s rapidly becoming a national tragedy.

    It’s gotten so bad that even train wrecks are stopping to watch the travesty of their “nominating” process.

  15. When Aryan Ann fantasizes about imposing her WASP culture upon everyone in American society, she get a lump in her throat and another one in her pants.

  16. Well, let’s see… who else will jump on Trump’s crazy train? Rush Limpbaulls? Glenn Beck? Pat Robertson? Can you imagine the cabinet? A nest of vipers.

  17. “…and you will learn about the Battle of Valley Forge.”

    The Battle of Valley Forge?

    There was no Battle of Valley Forge.


    WTF, Ann? Are you trying to out Palin Palin in displaying your ignorance of basic facts of American history?

    “There will be no celebration of Cinco de Mayo, there will be no Ramadan, in fact there won’t even be a Feast of the Immaculate Conception – No, we are an Anglo-Protestant country, and you will learn about the Battle of Valley Forge.”

  18. The only good thing she’s ever done was to help impale a shark on a flagpole in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!.

    Other then that, she’s just a hateful human being who really doesn’t need to be anywhere near a cabinet position.

  19. I am appropriating your “train wrecks” statement. Please do not sue me.
    I always figured Ann Coulter for that snotty smart kid in grade school that everybody hated and shunned. No prom date. Like that. She hasn’t changed much.

  20. Actually, it was the Catholic Church that stopped that witch stupidity — they considered it to be an unseemly display. Regardless of their reasoning, at least it put a stop to it in France.

  21. yay, awesome transphobia commenters! Maybe we could just not use alleged transgender status as a joke

  22. Michael Brown was never Secretary of Homeland Security. He was director of FEMA. I love the gist of this article but it’s hard for me to read past that mistake.

  23. Dumbass the article never said brownie was in charge of homeland security. What was implied that you idiots on the right would put someone in charge that they are not qualified for.

    Please if you want to be an idiot go somewhere else

  24. After a few months of a republican presidency, especially if it is T Rump what would be left of the Homeland to protect? Wayne LaPierre probably would get THAT position anyway. Coulter is too old for the Donald. He likes them young and dumb. Coulter and PayMe are too old to be playing sex kittens.$carah is about to become a grandma- AGAIN- with no son in law in sight. Seems even Bristles does not know WHO the father is.

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