Pat Robertson Says Black Monday is God Smacking Us Down Over Planned Parenthood

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robertson-china
Turns out, Scott Walker, who wants Obama to punish China for its economic troubles, has nothing on Religious Right doomsayer Pat Robertson. Robertson says the stock market crash is the result of God’s anger over Planned Parenthood funding and abortion.

Because, you know, China is a huge supporter of Planned Parenthood, which actually opposes China’s one-child policy and resultant “illegal practices of forced abortion and coerced birth control reported in some localities.”

Or is Robertson’s god a mental defective who can’t tell one country from another? Anything is possible in the world of the Religious Right. In the Old Testament, God’s ham-fisted punishments smote innocent and guilty alike.

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Robertson said,

We will pay dearly as a nation for this thing going on. And possibly if we were to stop all this slaughter the judgment of God might be lifted from us. But it’s coming, ladies and gentlemen. We just had a little taste of it in terms of the financial system, but it’s going to be shaken to its core in the next few months, years or however long it tastes and it will hurt every one of us.

Check it out courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

If, like me, you have Evangelical relations, some of this will already be familiar to you, dire warnings about a prophesied disaster in late September courtesy of “Messianic Jewish Rabbi and pastor” Jonathan Cahn, that should start you thinking about stocking up on supplies.

“This thing is hitting with great force and if Cahn is right on that Shemittah* we could be in for some really rough days in the markets,” Robertson advised, before telling his viewers to buy gold. Always buy gold. Jesus was a big believer in gold after all, as you will no doubt remember from your gospel accounts of him hauling duffle bags full of the stuff through the Galilean countryside.

No doubt mentally stroking his own gleaming stash, Robertson continued,

“It looks like the writing about the Shemittah was right on the money, it’s starting to happen and the height of it will be the middle of September so we’re a month away from trouble. You don’t know where to go, there is no place to hide financially except for the Lord.”

Which is kinda funny, because as George Carlin used to point out, Robertson’s God is really bad with money. I think he’s the last guy I’d go to for economic security. Give money to Robertson’s god and it ends up buying somebody else a private jet.

But the real problem for Robertson – and for Walker – is that things aren’t as bad today as they seemed last night. If you check CNNMoney this morning, for example, you will see the headline, Stocks set to rebound, except China. Investors are advised that “It may be safe to wade back into stocks Tuesday with one note of caution: China is still in deep turmoil.”

Another headline reads China stocks crash again but global markets recover. “China stocks closed sharply lower Tuesday but the damage was largely contained with most of Asia and Europe staging a recovery from Monday’s dramatic selloff.”

So as of this morning, God is punishing the wrong country.

Allianz’s chief economic advisor, Mohamed El-Erian, told investors on CNNMOney, “Do not panic at this point” and “look for investment opportunities.” When prices are low enough, he told CNBC, buyers will come back and the selloff will end.

He concluded, “This correction will be a good thing.”

A good thing?

Not exactly a divine punishment of the sort we’re used to expecting. It’s like a deluge that isn’t quite enough to float the ark. “Be patient, Noah,” they would be saying if it happened today. “The rain will come. Did you invest in gold?”

I’m pretty sure the Noah of the Bible wasn’t looking for investment opportunities. Neither, according to the Bible, were the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, or Pharaoh as the Midianite god of Moses sent waves of plagues down upon Egypt. And if ever there was a ruler who was heavily invested in gold, it was Pharaoh.

As it happens, Robertson ignored Cahn hedging his bets. To the question, “Is this a much-needed correction, as some analysts say? Or are prophetic voices that warned about a financial collapse watching prayerfully as their fortelling rings true?” Cahn told Charisma News yesterday,

Jonathan-Cahn-Jim-Bakker-Show

“Though I always I want to emphasize God’s sovereignty, in that He is not bound to do anything according to our understanding, at the same time, I believe it is wise to be prepared. Whether or not there is a rebound, we are approaching a most dangerous period, and we need to take warning.”

So God might. But he might not. Perhaps what we have seen so far better qualifies as “pre-panic.” Stock up on supplies, invest in gold, and hunker down, waiting for Mike Huckabee to call down fire from heaven and worse, free all the rapists and murderers from prison.

Right now, I’m focused on that $2 a gallon gasoline they say might be coming our way in as little as a few weeks.

The Religious Right is always looking for a good disaster, whether natural or man-made, anything for a sign their God is there and listening and behaving the way they want him to behave, which is to say, taking actions which justify their own appalling bigotries.

No luck here today, but maybe in China. Maybe Beijing is Ground Zero for the Rapture. Who knew? I’m afraid, and they’ll all have to wait a bit longer for the end times here. Meanwhile, there is plenty of time to be stupid about it, and if there is one thing the Religious Right excels at, it is stupid.

* Shemittah is every 7 years This year it started on Sept. 25, 2014 and ends Sept. 13, 2015. Watch Cahn explain his Shemittah disaster model here.

26 Replies to “Pat Robertson Says Black Monday is God Smacking Us Down Over Planned Parenthood”

  1. do you suppose Pat Robertson rationalizes his speaking for god by thinking that god has kept him alive this long instead of thinking that even god doesn’t want a delusional drooling idiot around him?

    is the above a run on compound sentence or just bad editing?

  2. I hear this all the time from Evangelical family members of mine. It is always something bad is going to happen. It is also exactly as he said, it may happen today, tomorrow, or years from now, but it will happen. These people always say things are going to happen, and when it doesn’t, they say, oh wait, you never know when God’s judgement is going to be upon us, it will be in his time, not ours. They then just go on to the next prediction of doom and gloom. What a crazy way to live and think.

  3. I have them too…one college educated (?) gal thinks Beck is ‘always right.’ Last time I asked her for one prediction of his that came true, she changed the subject. She doesn’t have enough extra income to buy his over priced gold and survival kits (or enough to save for her approaching retirement either,) but she has benefitted from the ACA, and her husband (#3) is now on Medicaid, which they like quite a lot. She professes to be this devout Christian, yet they do not attend a church, or donate to anything at all. All the money they earn from their businesses is spent on more stuff for their businesses and their bills. She just had an emergency appendectomy (thanks, Obama!) and has a high deductible plan, so will be paying what she thinks she owes off for awhile. Since it happened in June, I doubt she even knows what she owes yet, but she insists it will be $10,000.

  4. It’s this kind of insanity that caused me at the age of 7 to dismiss religion and this useless and DANGEROUS emotion called faith. No matter how small your belief in a “higher power” that small amount can spread like a virus and consume ALL cogent thought and cause people to believe the most outrageous things and claim that they are true and factual. This is why faith and belief MUST be conditioned OUT of the human psyche.

  5. …Pat “Blood Diamonds” Robbertson has been a Mammonite from the word ‘go’…he does NOTHING that does not primarily profit himself alone…

  6. I wonder if the republican circus of candidates will rush to denounce pat robertson? I mean, robertson was a former republican presidential candidate.

  7. Here’s the thing. Bad stuff ALWAYS happens on Planet Earth. There will always be natural disasters, wars, famines, stock market crashes, etc etc. But only a deluded fool looks at these events and thinks “God is punishing us for X, Y, or Z”. It takes a REAL fool to talk about this stuff out loud.

    You know, back in the day the God Botherers used to just stand on the street corner with a giant sign saying “THE END IS NIGH”. People used to be able to just walk past shaking their head at the crazy religious freak. Now these freaks have their own channels and get interviewed on the media, and people take them SERIOUSLY.

    That is really F’d up and twisted. In this day and age, they should just be laughed off the stage.

  8. Here here!

    Conditioning, boundaries training, critical thinking mentoring (1 on 1), relocation programs …lot of time and money to rehab reptilian brains…however, lions would work more efficiently and expeditantly. I mean, who wants to listen to self – serving, whiny “persecution complex” cultist justify why living behind the Evangelical Curtain is makes them better than any or all of humanity? What a burden on our medical system when there are “others ” who are truely in need, but were cast aside by “good chritocrats”?

  9. Cuz God would never punish us for worshipping money, genocide of Native Americans and African-Americans, our bigotry, selfishness, arrogance, pride, mistreatment of the weakness and most vulnerable among us, treating the rich as if they were God, electing politicians who hide behind his name to commit atrocities, full of hate, fear mongering, that lie, cheat, steal to obtain power, money, and prestige!

    God would never punish us for not being a Christian country, or for destroying the Earth, and everything He created. Now, God would never punish us for that, would he Pat?

  10. Hey Pat, God told ME that HE does not give a f*ck about the American Stock Market, nor China’s devaluating their currency. What HE cares about is our sanity, peace of mind and well being….and that YOU are making it hard for those who listen to you to have those things.
    There, I told you what HE told ME.

  11. This man is a classic example of fail for the magical sky fairy thumpers. He would serve them better if he just kept his mouth shut. These religious organizations that broadcast mostly political messaging should be paying taxes.

  12. …gotta concur…I would only display me faith via what I do…as I told our Honorable Author, MY freedom of Religion ends at YOUR front gate…

  13. Pat Robertson, what a sad, pathetic, delusional old man. Does he not have any family or friends that care enough about him to get him into a home where he can get the meds and care he so desperately needs? Unfortunately, as long as he is making the big bucks from the suckers who watch and contribute to his show, you can bet the family and friends who profit from him remaining on the air will do everything in their power to keep him spouting this mindless drivel and bringing in the green.

  14. Im pretty sure he said the same thing about the world ending 12-21-14. …still here. He needs more megachurch money.

  15. Oh, don’t get me started… These radical religious f’nuts should have to pay big money in taxes on all the fabulous new gigantic churches erected in the last few years. They have taken advantage of low interest rates, and are robbing the prime ground built upon, at greatly reduced cost. This Country’s deficit problem could be solved if all churches lost tax exempt status, or at least had to meet a minimum charitable criteria to avoid them.
    The Catholic Church owns all kinds of property across this Nation. The Vatican (in Italy) pays very little for all the farmland it owns in America and elsewhere in the world. The charitable premise of tax exemption within the U.S., really means tax evasion for the crooked! I’m pretty sure no charity work is derived from the purchase of private jets. Mega Churches, should be paying mega taxes like the rest of us!!! Robertson’s just a nutjob twisting negative news to spread religious paranoia. He must control the mindless flock another day.

  16. This from a man who said the following not too long ago:

    “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her,” Robertson said.

    This is not a punishment from God. If it were, you, Mr. Robertson, would be the first he would punish for the thoughts you stated about men/women having the right to divorce their spouse if they were afflicted with Alzheimers.

  17. bebe, I’m betting that things will get so desperate for these Rapture/Armageddon/2nd Coming of Christ FREAKS! that they will band together and have one humungous telethon to enrage and bring to a frothy mouthed point that they demand and actually bring about their version of those BIG LIES!!. They will have no truck with peace that doesn’t come from the barrel of a gun or a bible. That’s why the Reich Wing hates the Iran treaty because it stops the destruction of Israel that they want so badly so they can have the “Rapture” and the 2nd coming of this Christ person that they invented!

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