(Author’s Note: The following is neither satire nor parody, but actual right-wing nutjob thinking, or what passes for it. Fortunately, reading this will not make you stupid. So get out your Frito-Lay products and a Pepsi, sit down, read and have a laugh at the expense of the enemies of religious freedom – Hrafnkell)
Fox News has reported that “Doritos now has a new rainbow-colored corn chip in support of gay and lesbian teens — and they’re already causing a stir.” The chips were unveiled yesterday and it’s taken only moments for right wing skulls to literally explode, revealing nothing beneath.
— Doritos (@Doritos) September 17, 2015
Right Wing Watch informs us that “John Nolte of Breitbart, who said that Doritos is flying the ‘colors of anti-Christian hate and oppression'” (you know what, I feel religiously oppressed by broccoli!), but as they say, Nolte’s attack “pales” in comparison to what you will read below.
This astonishingly stupid monologue comes to you courtesy of “American Thinker,” and is the product of the mind of Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site, who clearly has not put much thinking into this thesis, Want to know what gay tastes like? Try Rainbow Doritos!
The packaging tells buyers that “There’s nothing bolder than being yourself,” and apparently, Straker has taken this advice to heart, revealing a very disturbed person indeed. Read and enjoy!:
PepsiCo, who make Doritos (through subsidiary Frito-Lay), are producing a homosexual version of Doritos called “Rainbow Doritos.” Doritos are a product marketed to children, so they make the perfect gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality.
The chips come in several colors. The green are homosexual, the pink are lesbian, and the purple ones are transgendered Doritos. These last are Doritos that look purple but actually feel yellow and demand the right to commingle in the snack bags that have only yellow ones.
What business does PepsiCo have pushing homosexuality on our kids? This is how far our culture has shifted; it’s perceived to be cool to push a specific sexual orientation on children, even by companies that produce products that have nothing to do with sex. What’s next – gay toilet paper and tampons?
What’s worse is that PepsiCo is “partnering,” in every sense of the word, with a radical homosexual group led by a vile man named Dan Savage. Savage has called on Ben Carson and Mike Huckabee to do a certain love act on him (perhaps he is attracted to them?). He has tried to Google-bomb Rick Santorum’s name with an unpleasant gay sex act. PepsiCo seems to have no problem partnering with such a creature.
I think we need to boycott Pepsi and all related Frito-Lay products to deliver a message to Pepsi that if they are going to push gay propaganda on our kids, we are not going to give their products lip service any longer.
Furthermore, I think we should push other companies to launch pro-heterosexual campaigns. Perhaps we could persuade a hot dog maker and a hot dog bun company to do a joint effort promoting man-woman relationships.
Until we try sexualizing food like the left does, we’ll never know. And if we think like the left, we desperately need to find out.
Right. Frito-Lay is making a food that will magically turn your kids gay. Cause variously-colored salty chips will do that to you. If they were just a manly color children would be bursting with testosterone. Nobody is pushing anything on anybody, but Straker doesn’t realize nobody is forcing him to buy “gay Doritos” or anything else.
If he had bothered to read Fox News, he would see kids are unlikely to be able to even buy these, as they are available only online:
You won’t be able to find these corn chips in stores. They will be mailed to people who donate at least $10 to the It Gets Better Project, an organization started to encourage gay and lesbian teenagers who’ve been bullied. During the promotion, donors and supporters will also be encouraged to share photos and videos on through a special website and on social media using the hashtag #bolderandbetter.
Straker has no problem with Rick “Don’t hate on the Crusades” Santorum telling mainline protestants that they serve the devil, or that moderate Catholics are not really Catholics at all, or that liberal Jews hate Israel, not to mention the loads of anti-gay bigotry Santorum has spread.
Whats really funny about this tirade is that Straker doesn’t want to pay “lip service” to these salty treats. Hilariously, he thinks matching up hotdogs and buns will send the proper hetero imagery to little boys, who will then grow up thinking about unprotected sex with their female counterparts and somehow evading personal responsibility for the outcome.
It’s the Republican way!
Hrafnkell Haraldsson, a social liberal with leanings toward centrist politics has degrees in history and philosophy. His interests include, besides history and philosophy, human rights issues, freedom of choice, religion, and the precarious dichotomy of freedom of speech and intolerance. He brings a slightly different perspective to his writing, being that he is neither a follower of an Abrahamic faith nor an atheist but a polytheist, a modern-day Heathen who follows the customs and traditions of his Norse ancestors. He maintains his own blog, A Heathen’s Day, which deals with Heathen and Pagan matters, and Mos Maiorum Foundation www.mosmaiorum.org, dedicated to ethnic religion. He has also contributed to NewsJunkiePost, GodsOwnParty and Pagan+Politics.