Former Southern Baptist Leader Wants to Boycott Starbucks’ Red “Satan Sippers”

Richard Land, the notorious former political leader of the Southern Baptist Convention and current president of Southern Evangelical Seminary, is vexed. Vexed I tell you. Probably with two ‘x’s.

It seems Starbucks has no Jesus on its cups. Oh dear. And so the rebellion grows – from Josh Feuerstein’s hysterical rants to Donald Trump to Richard Land and pinheads near and far.

Do you hear their lamentation?

Here’s the thing: Starbucks had no Jesus on its cups last year. It’s never had Jesus on its cups. It had snowflakes, but snowflakes say “winter,” not “Jesus,” because, snowflakes. Green and red are your basic Christmas colors. Red is every bit as “Christmasy” as snowflakes.

So this was last year:


And this is this year:


O the heresy! The abomination! Land told former Arizona congressman J.D. Hayworth on Newsmax TV that it’s a big deal that Starbucks is using a plain, but festive red cup for the holidays. Hayworth told Land that “Christians get the feeling that Starbucks is waging a war on Christmas.”

Land, who last year said of not being able to persecute people: “It’s ugly; it’s thuggish; it’s brutish. It’s the totalitarian left in all of its ugly face,” said Starbucks just lost his five bucks:

“[A]nd it certainly will impact my patronage of Starbucks. You know, I’d probably have a chance to let them know, ‘By the way, I would have bought some coffee today if you had had a cup with Christmas ornaments on it or if you had a cup that was clearly Christmas, but I’m not, so that’s money you’ve lost.”

Because cups don’t have snowflakes. Seriously. As Ellen Degeneres said, it’s a real “Satan sipper”:

“The old cups had snowflakes and Santa’s sleigh and elves. You know, all the things that you find in the Bible. You might as well call it a Satan sipper.”

To be fair, decorating trees for Yule is a Pagan tradition. So what Land is saying is that if Starbucks refuses to behave in a suitably Pagan fashion, they are waging war on Christmas.

The whole thing is absurd, of course. Bristol Palin and her mom both believe the whole thing is a bit of shenanigans contrived by the left to make them look stupid. Of course, we don’t have to try to make them look stupid. The Palins and Land and others like them are a gift that keeps on giving. For those of us who write about them, it’s Christmas 365 days a year.

Well, Jol for Heathens like me. After all, December was a holy time for us before it was for them.

But hey, I’m willing to be magnanimous. I won’t quibble if they want to celebrate their holiday at the same time. Room enough for all in December, and you have to admire how thoroughly they’ve embraced Pagan holiday traditions, what with yule logs and mistletoe and decorated trees.

Degeneres’ advice might be the best:

“If you want Christmas with your breakfast, you’re going to have to do it the old fashioned way: You have to get really, really high, and then you have to go to IHOP and just stare at your pancakes until you go, ‘I see baby Jesus in there.'”

Are you such a big baby, Mr. Land, that if your Christmas presents are wrapped in plain red paper than you’ll throw a snit fit? They have to have snowflakes? Really?

Land insists he’s going to call himself “Joseph, father of Jesus” when he gives his name at Starbucks, so that when they tell him his drink is ready they will be forced to say it.

What, is this guy three years old?

This is a person who wants to be offended. Nobody offended him. Nobody slighted Christians. Of all the “war on Christmas” memes imaginable, this is the most lame.

As Sarah Palin said “It’s just a cup.” For once, she was right.