Killing Us Softly: Perpetuating A Culture Where Victim Blaming Is The Norm

The following post, written by The Rev. Robert A. Franek, is a part of Politicus Policy Discussion, in which writers draw connections between real lives and public policy.

The Republican National Convention in Cleveland is over. Alex Wagner of The Atlantic commented on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah saying it was, “the end of days with balloons.†Indeed, with all the screaming of how bad America is right now this crowd believed that to be true. But this crowd also, all too enthusiastically, embraced the whole dumpster fire of lies and hate burning throughout the fear filled festivities. The coals are still hot. The embers still flickering, one even flung former Klan Leader David Duke into a race for the Senate. Maybe it really is the end of days.

Amid this apocalyptic assembly awaiting the official anointing of their leader, news broke of the departing of another bully leader of hate, fear, and lies, Roger Ailes of Fox News. Former host at Fox News Gretchen Carlson through her courage and tenacity opened the flood gates for other women to come forward with their own stories of sexual harassment by their deranged bully boss. His expeditious departure is small consolation given his $40+ million golden parachute. I’m told this could largely be eaten up by lawsuits. It would be a small justice if every dime when to a woman he harmed.

Tragically, the charges brought by Carlson and her former colleagues are all too common in corporate, entertainment, and political arenas. Our nation’s colleges and universities are also plagued by sexual harassment and rape. And as if these crimes are not disturbing enough, the rampant victim blaming in our culture and media all but endorses these assaults. The rape culture in our society not only puts the victim needlessly on trial, but makes it much more difficult for others to muster the courage to come forward with their story. It’s unimaginably difficult when one’s employment and whole career are on line.

To get more stories like this, subscribe to our newsletter The Daily.

I lament from the depths of my being these all too frequent assaults on women and yes men too. I lament that victims are put on trial for their decisions of dress and drink while perpetrators are defended because of their record of character and achievement. See Stanford student Brock Turner for the latest egregious example. I lament that women are taught how to be safe more than men are taught respect and not to rape.

How could all this happen in a country that lauds family values and freedom? Sexual harassment and rape culture are not family values. When women fear for their safety on college campuses and their careers in corporate offices, they are not free.

I recall watching Dr. Jean Kilbourne’s videos Killing Us Softly (1979) and Still Killing Us Softly (1987) while working in a college film library one summer. She presents how women (and men) have been objectified sexually in advertising to sell products. She has no shortage of data and over three-and-a-half decades later it’s impossible to escape.

This soft killing of objectification is slaying the soul of our collective society. If it’s ok for advertisers what message is that sending to men across campus and corporate landscapes? What message does it send to women who see themselves objectified for profit? Body shaming and eating disorders, amid a culture of dieting, are only a few of the lasting effects.

When it comes to sexual harassment and rape, we can ask, “What’s going on?†but the truth is we all know. A culture of cover-ups, victim blaming, and quiet content with status quo realities. Denial is preferable to truth, so shock and surprise must continue to be feigned. This too is killing us softly.

This soft killing has not only wounded our societal soul and made the abhorrent commonplace, it’s contributing to the demagoguery in our politics. Hardened hearts no longer vulnerable to another’s personhood are destroying dignity and civility of our shared humanity.

This soft killing does not get the attention it deserves. Women suffer untold trauma, while men are paid millions to quietly go away or are given light sentences because of their promising character and achievements.

Our collective efforts are needed to bring about a culture shift in attitude and policy. The Republican National Convention may have hastened the end of days for the party with seemingly endless broadcasts blaring with hate, but we will all die a slow soft death if we continue to perpetuate a culture where victim blaming is the norm.


Copyright PoliticusUSA LLC 2008-2023