Trump Mansplains That You Shouldn’t Be Upset In a Classic Non-Apology Apology

Well, America, you’ve been told.

Donald Trump issued that non-apology apology Friday night, in which he announced that when he bragged about sexually assaulting a woman, it was just a private conversation so you shouldn’t care. Also, in case you were thinking he should own up to his behavior that was caught on tape, he’s neener-neenering it by tossing a hot, made up ball at Bill Clinton, who isn’t even running for anything.

And if you’re offended, Donald is sorry. But not sorry for what he said or for what he did to those women. It was locker room banter! Doesn’t everyone get caught on tape calling women “it”? Or is that just in movies like Silence of the Lambs. Huh.

Well, you stupid people need to shut up already.

“This was locker room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago. Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course – not even close. I apologize if anyone was offended,” Donald Trump said in a statement.

Samantha Bee had the only possible response:

Donald Trump is such a petulant child that even after being caught on tape saying he grabbed a woman by her “p*ssy” and referring to another woman as an “it”, he thinks he’s entitled to his privacy and wants you to go attack Bill Clinton instead. Because that makes sense, if you’re two years old.

This is the Republican nominee for president. Of the United States. As 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney pointed out, Donald Trump has not only demeaned women and girls but he has corrupted America’s image around the world.

Bragging about sexual assault isn’t locker room banter, and I’m pretty sure men around the country are not going to appreciate being lumped in with Donald Trump’s predatory dehumanization of women.