Kids Not Exactly Bowled Over By The Annual White House Easter Egg Roll

Donald Trump opened the annual White House Easter Egg Roll with a reminder for the kids: American military might is the mightiest!

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He told the kids (after describing the White House as “this house or building or whatever you want to call it because there is no name for it, it is special” and as a place they keep “in tip-top shape, we call it sometimes tippy-top shape, and it’s a great, great place”) that they don’t need to worry! The military will be -thanks to him, of course- “at a level it’s never been before.” He added that “you see what’s happening with funding” and told the increasingly-confused kids they should “just think of $700 billion, because that’s what’s going into our military this year.”

The kids just wanted to roll some hard-boiled eggs with some wooden spoons… but realistically, they probably weren’t even all that much into that. But hey! Thanks for the lecture, Gramps! Please just be quiet and keep that creepy bunny away from us!

Meanwhile, an astonishingly-glum First Lady only seemed to brighten when her husband stopped talking, and was proud to unveil her contribution to the annual event: lawn bowling! There’s an argument to be made that the anti-bullying FLOTUS is supporting an activity that exists only to bully helpless bowling pins, but whatever. At least she’s doing something.

Leave it to the Castigator in Chief to turn a lovely, 140-year old holiday tradition into a circus. Shoot, leave it to him to think that anyone even likes a circus anymore.

Or, as one person tweeted:

Never expected to get furious (or misty-eyed) over an egg roll. Welcome to Trumpland!