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The Role of Sarah Palin Will Now Be Played By Herman Cain On Fox News

Last updated on February 17th, 2013 at 04:12 pm

Read: Samuel Alito Is The Insurrectionist Threat To Democracy On The Supreme Court

Death panels have been replaced by 9-9-9 as Herman Cain will be taking over Sarah Palin’s role as the voice of crazy on Fox News.

It appears that those who assumed Scott Brown was Sarah Palin’s replacement had it all wrong. Fox News announced today that Herman Cain has joined the network as a contributor. Fox News VP Bill Shine actually said with a straight face that, “Cain’s impressive resume makes him a valuable addition to the FOX News and FOX Business lineup. As a political expert with business savvy, he brings an important voice to the nation’s debates.” Cain topped Shine by adding, “I’m excited about joining the FOX family as a contributor because it is an opportunity to be one more voice for intelligent thinking in America.”

Calling Herman Cain a political expert is both a crime against politics and broadcasting. This is also the same network that consistently referred to Sarah Palin as an energy expert despite the fact that her knowledge of energy policy is limited to knowing how to flip a light switch.

The only person that Fox could have hired with a lighter resume than Sarah Palin was Herman Cain. The former 2012 Republican presidential candidate is most famous for somehow enjoying a short stint as the front runner for the nomination despite the fact that he more allegations of sexual harassment against him (4) than ideas in his campaign (1). Fox News has gotten in step with the times by swapping Palin’s death panels and insane rants for Cain’s 9-9-9 pizza deal/flat tax and insane rants.

Since dropping out of the Republican presidential race, because sexual harassment pandas can’t be president, Cain is most famous for allowing Stephen Colbert to run under his name in the South Carolina Republican presidential primary. (Colbert as Cain finished fifth.)

The irony here is that Fox is likely paying Cain and Brown less combined than they paid Sarah Palin per year.

Since leaving the presidential race Cain has unsuccessfully tried to tap into the right wing media moneymaking scheme, but that will all change now that he is on Fox News. Cain will have a direct pipeline to conservative wallets through Fox. He can now shill his website and his books. The bargain bin section of the bookstore that once belonged to Sarah Palin will now be owned by Herman Cain.

For all practical purposes, the Fox News role of Sarah Palin will now be played by Herman Cain.

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