Chuck Norris Displays Comedic Talents on Scott Walker’s Behalf

Chuck Norris says “We have no time to lose” and has rushed to the support of Gov. Scott Walker in Wisconsin in order to put the breaks on some sort of left-wing recall election domino effect across America.

In a column on WND (of course), the former movie star and near-actor Chuck Norris, showed America why so many jokes are told about him as he screwed his thinking cap on sideways for World Net Daily, presenting himself as the equal of Bill Clinton; a hired-gun to balance the odds in Wisconsin because “ last Friday, when I saw them also send in the big guns, former President Bill Clinton himself, against Gov. Walker, I knew I had to enter the ring, too.”

Cue the Ennio Morricone theme because this is about to turn into a Spaghetti Western – unintentionally funny and melodramatic:

Gov. Scott Walker is not a RINO, or “Republican in name only.” He walks his conservative talk. He refuses special interests. He opposes accumulating debt and raising deficits. He cuts excess spending. And he stands for issues that are important to every conservative, Constitution- and freedom-loving patriot.

Don’t stop gagging yet; we’re just getting started. This is what Norris says Walker has done for Wisconsin:

On Day One in office, Gov. Walker began to implement a comprehensive Emergency Jobs Plan. As his website explains, he and the Wisconsin Legislature passed measures that included, but were not limited to:

• cutting taxes on small businesses
• curbing frivolous lawsuits that drove costs up
• eliminating the state tax on health savings accounts
• reforming the Department of Commerce into a true economic development agency
• immediately convening a waste, fraud and abuse commission that was intent on curtailing wasteful spending at all levels of state government

Leaving aside the fact for a moment that the Chuckles (Chuck, can I call you Chuckles because I can’t stop laughing) is supporting one of the most dishonest politicians in America, a guy who lies like most of us breathe, there is the issue of Walker’s failed record as governor.

Chuckles lauds Walker’s creation of “more than 23,000 jobs since January 2011…The Associated Press reported that 23,300 jobs were created in 2011, based upon soon-to-be-released figures from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Workforce Development spokesman John Dipko said it was exactly 23,608. More than good news for Gov. Walker, that’s good news for Wisconsin.”

Actually, of course, Wisconsin led the nation in job losses over the last 12 months – 23,900 of them to be exact. You might remember that Walker promised to create 250,000 jobs if he was elected governor. Chuck Norris is telling us that 23,000 jobs out of 250,000 promised is success – that’s a warped grading curve if ever there was one – can you get 1 out of 10 right on a pop-quiz and get an “A” like Scott Walker?

That’s funny stuff. And it doesn’t end there:

While the fight for conservatives doesn’t start and stop in Wisconsin, it’s an OK Corral of sorts for Democrats and liberals. When their groundless recall of Gov. Walker is shot down, a potent statement will be sent across our land about the type of government We the People want.

That’s interesting imagery – the OK Corral. The gunfight at the OK Corral was basically an Old West drive-by shooting. Does that mean Republicans are going to gun-down the Democrats who oppose them? Chuckles is an NRA spokesman, after all. What are we to make of this kind of talk?

Well… Chuck Norris, you might remember, is the guy who thinks public education is a progressive conspiracy (which might explain some of his crazy ideas), and who has suggested the possibility of a second American Revolution if gun owners don’t get their way (in other words, if we don’t get our way we’re not going to take our toys and go home, we’re going to use them), and that it will begin in Texas, though maybe he’s willing to make an exception for Wisconsin. Put his OK Corral comment in that context.

This is also the guy, who in 2009, insisted that “If this thing [healthcare reform] passes the government will have the right to come into our home, and regulate how we raise our children,” and most striking of all was a huge Newt Gingrich supporter, endowing the failed candidate with almost messiah-like qualities – qualities that now seem to have been transferred to Scott Walker.

If he doesn’t do more for Walker than he did for Gingrich, it’s all over in Wisconsin for the GOP’s totalitarian push.

He closes with a Reaganesque appeal, further demonstrating that he has no more clue than any other Republican what Reagan was about. For example, Reagan said the right to join a union is “one of the most elemental human rights” and that collective bargaining “played a major role in America’s economic miracle” and signed (at the time) the largest expansion of Medicare in its history, along with his increasing the size of the Federal government and raising taxes several times. We certainly shouldn’t forget that it was Reagan who said a bus driver shouldn’t pay higher taxes than a millionaire or who in his autobiography blasted radical conservatives who thought “compromise” was a dirty word.

Look, Chuck Norris has a right to think what he wants and he can certainly believe what he wants, but what his column in WND amounts to is lies told to support a bunch of other lies – by Norris’ definition, Reagan himself would qualify as a RINO (Republican in name only), making his appeal to Reagan at the end of his diatribe a very Walker-esque thing to do.

The Blaze predicts “it wouldn’t be unusual for social media forums to greet the announcement with a number of clever, political Chuck Norris jokes” but Chuck Norris jokes aren’t necessary when Chuck Norris himself is the joke. If I didn’t know better, I would conclude that Chuck Norris is another Stephen Colbert and having it on with conservatives. Sadly for all concerned, that seems not to be the case.

Hrafnkell Haraldsson

Hrafnkell Haraldsson, a social liberal with leanings toward centrist politics has degrees in history and philosophy. His interests include, besides history and philosophy, human rights issues, freedom of choice, religion, and the precarious dichotomy of freedom of speech and intolerance. He brings a slightly different perspective to his writing, being that he is neither a follower of an Abrahamic faith nor an atheist but a polytheist, a modern-day Heathen who follows the customs and traditions of his Norse ancestors. He maintains his own blog, A Heathen’s Day, which deals with Heathen and Pagan matters, and Mos Maiorum Foundation www.mosmaiorum.org, dedicated to ethnic religion. He has also contributed to NewsJunkiePost, GodsOwnParty and Pagan+Politics.