Calling all Right Wing ‘Patriots’ Please Identify All the Freedoms You’ve Lost

Here was a citizen contribution to a local newspaper column recently. It was from a fellow who was “getting a little sick” from comments praising President Barack Obama. Here are his direct quotes: “This man (Obama) seems bent on destroying what little is left of the moral and spiritual foundations upon which our laws have been based. He ends with “Christians, you better get active or kiss this nation as you know it goodbye.”

Sounds like arms and ammo to me.

If progressives have one thing in common, it’s a collective confusion about what the hell the right-wing “patriots” are talking about when they bemoan the loss of “moral and spiritual foundations” accompanied by repetitious ramblings of “restoring the constitution” (state nullification efforts apparently notwithstanding). They also decry the loss of all their freedoms and liberty. What exactly can’t these folks do that they so desperately want to do?

No, they can’t aim a flame-thrower at the neighbor’s house or go unpunished for rape (unless it’s a Todd Akin “legitimate rape” of course). I could be wrong since we’re 400,000 rape kits short in this country as a consequence of Republican-bullied funding cuts. Maybe a number of rapists can go unpunished.

You will have to pay some kind of taxes or all services and infrastructure collapse. But those are the only notable exceptions I can think of for the average American in what surely must be the country with more freedom and liberty than any of earth’s other 195 or so nations.

In America, as in Uganda, you’re even free to deny freedoms to others if they’re different from you in any way. The LGBT crowd comes to mind, none of who dare share in the “Freedom and Liberty” patriots hold so dear. One of those two countries are even voting as we speak to put gays to death under certain circumstances. I think it’s Uganda. And don’t even get me started on your black racists core of which I’ve written often. Fear not, patriots, you have the “Freedom and Liberty” to be as racists and homophobes as long as you desire.

As for religious freedom, you can even permanently depart from your mother church if it dares give any rights to gays. The South Carolina Episcopal Church has told its parent denomination to go eff itself (as Clint would say). Ordaining gay clergy; accepting same-sex marriage! How dare the church grant true freedom and liberty to homosexuals. I’m outta here!

Not to worry Palmetto Patriots, every evangelical church in the land will welcome you with open arms (no same-sex hugging, of course). The Right Reverend Mark Lawrence, Bishop of the SC Episcopal Diocese, is the hater behind the split. He is best known for opposing every liberal policy of the national church. This intolerant homophobic zealot is exactly where he belongs, South Carolina. So hate away. There are no religious restraints, if you’re a Christian that is, that come to mind. You can roll around on the floor to your hearts content at the First Church of DC Loathing or cozy up to deadly rattlesnakes on a Sunday Pentecostal service even if you get bit and die. West Virginia Pastor Wolford met that fate last May, just as his preacher father had years earlier.

Speaking of snakes, religion and politics, how ’bout that old rattler on the “Don’t Tread on Me” Gadsden flag. “Liberals, you best watch yer step; that ole boy is fixin’ to strike.” The flag initially gained popular acclaim in 1775 as the U.S. Navy was off to its first Revolutionary War mission. A Continental Colonel named Christopher Gadsden (a South Carolinian naturally) gifted the flagship’s Captain with the bright yellow flag with its not so subtle message to George lll.

Warning! History lesson on freedom to follow.

In an uncomfortable but true historical footnote, the U.S. Navy was unsuccessful in preventing a British coastal blockade. In fact, it wasn’t until the French came along that the U.S. was able to prevail over the enemy in the Revolutionary War. And remember how much the pseudo-patriot crowd hates the French. Please goobers, read ONE, just One objective history book! Francophobes may want to start with a true account of Yorktown. Does the name de Rochambeau ring a bell, patriots? Didn’t think so. Oh, one more thing. The city of Washington that you hate so much was named after a certain American General who fought side-by-side with the French at Yorktown and went on to become our first President.

So the French were key contributors to our freedoms and liberty. Thus citizens can organize truly goofy political parties named after a popular drink from the Camellia sinensis plant. Any citizen, including dopes with limited dopamine, can run for office, even the highest ones, (see Sarah Palin).

You can get married, though 50% of you eventually flee the first attempt. In addition to churches, states can keep gays from daring to approach the altar through legislation and constitutional amendments. Politicians are free to smother the rich with love and let them destroy unions and fair wages. Republicans, in particular, can keep the repressed, repressed and humbled by cutting programs for the poor and calling their leader the “Food Stamp” President. Is this a great country or what?

But, as free as we are, there remains enormous right-wing angst about the potential seizure of firearms. Patriotic Websites and blogs inevitably go back to the alleged gun-control eras of Stalin, Hitler, Mao Tse-Tung and a handful of other genocidal monsters, killers of multiple millions right after taking their guns away. Academic and historical arguments aside, that means patriots lump President Obama in with history’s most repellent barbarians though there’s not even the tiniest hint of gun confiscation in the America.

Here’s this angst put into words at a patriotic blog. “Now, watch as our Constitution is assaulted and the Second Amendment is attacked from all sides. Most of the lib asshole mayors, governors and Senators are bouncing off the walls, right now, calling for more gun control, banning semi-auto rifles and banning guns in general.”

This is followed by a rather frightening follow-up entry. “Do it, go ahead, and you are going to have 100 million gun owners fight your asses. Be it police, FBI, ATF…I don’t give a shit…you try to disarm us and you WILL be fought and fought HARD! And blood WILL be spilled!” (Emphasis from the writer).

This is scary stuff that you’d better take seriously.

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