Texas-Size GOP Hypocrisy As a Result of Climate Change Deluge

It is curious why American dictionary publishers use any words to define “hypocrisy;” particularly when an image of the Republican elephant logo would suffice and save some ink and space on a page. It is true that all Republicans are blatant hypocrites, but now that go-it-alone awesome Texas experienced a little anthropogenic climate change weather, the Lone Star State’s Republicans, both tea party and mainstream Republicans alike, are demanding some of those hated “federal government handouts” they oppose for other Americans whether it is for food, housing, healthcare, or disaster relief.

If it is not theocrat Ted Cruz, the man aiming to be “Pope of the Confederate States of America,” stand-up badass Governor Greg Abbott mobilizing Texas’ militias to keep the United States military from taking over, ignoramus extraordinaire Louie Gohmert, or Representative Bill Flores representing an area ravaged by climate change rain; they all feel entitled to federal disaster relief from their ‘enemy’ who declared the area a federal climate change disaster. The Texas contingent in Congress all voted against disaster relief for Hurricane Sandy victims across the Northeastern U.S., but now that Texas needs it, they have no compunction demanding a swift response from the federal government; the one they hate with religious fervor and are generally prepared to battle over Texas’ sovereignty.

As spokesman for secession-minded Texas, the state that has no use for the federal government, Ted Cruz said he witnessed some climate change flooding and destruction climate scientists have spent twenty years warning idiotic Republicans was certainly coming. Cruz made a pledge to his Texas constituents that because, “Texans are hurting. They’re hurting across the state, Democrats and Republicans will stand as one in support of the federal government meeting its statutory obligations to provide the relief to help the Texans who are hurting.”

Wait, what? Texans are hurting and are unwilling to help themselves? The Heritage Foundation needs to send a teabagger delegation to tour the Lone Star state and do some heavy evangelizing about the character-building benefits of conservative style “personal responsibility,” helping themselves, learn about the “value and culture of hard work,” and stop “depending on and demanding handouts” from the federal government. It is a speech Texas Republicans have spent no small amount of time spouting as a reason to slash funding for any Americans in need, so it is a subject Texans will need little prodding to take to heart.

It is interesting that Texas Ted claimed disaster relief was a federal government statutory obligation; that is not what he calls Americans receiving their own self-funded Medicare or Social Security benefits. It is also not what he called disaster relief for the victims of Hurricane Sandy that suffered inordinately greater damage than just a little climate change rain. At the time the Senate was debating legislation for federal relief for the Northeastern United States after Hurricane Sandy, Cruz railed on the idea of the federal government spending a penny to help other Americans (who were not Texans) because “America is broke.”  In fact, Texas Ted armed himself with the Republican “crushing deficit” argument and preached a sermon on the need and value of austerity on the floor of the Senate. Cruz said that “This bill is symptomatic of a larger problem in Washington; an addiction to spending money we do not have. The United States Senate should not be in the business of exploiting victims of natural disasters to fund projects that further expand our debt.”

Although Cruz puts forth an incredibly hateful argument, and one borne of inhumanity, it is fair enough and in the spirit of continuity of message one that applies equally to the Texans who elected austerity-minded teabagger-Republicans like Cruz. In fact, if Cruz had even a semblance of the evangelical Christian integrity and faith he claims as a matter of course to whomever will listen, he would take out four days of television air time and address his constituency in prime time and tell them to bible-up, swim to church, get right with god, and appeal to Jesus for disaster relief. After all, most Americans are painfully aware that Texas Ted, like most Texans, and all Republicans, hate the federal government with a passion; particularly when it spends even a penny to help Americans in need; unless of course they are expatriates living in the state that does not recognize it is a part of the United States of America.

The climate change-caused deluge in Texas is just the latest Lone Star state’s need for federal disaster assistance and President Obama immediately pledged the full cooperation and support of the federal government Texans hate. What is hardly mentioned and little known is that despite its enmity with the federal government in general and FEMA in particular, Texas sucks up more federal disaster money than any other state in the Union and it still hates the federal government. In fact, Citylab has a comprehensive accounting of Texas’ disaster relief receipts and specifically noted that “Texas suffers more natural disasters than any state in the nation,” and it “absorbs more federal disaster assistance funds than any other state.” Texas is also home to some seriously deranged climate change deniers and they were furious at noted scientist Bill Nye and called him an “as*hole” for even suggesting, like climate scientists have predicted for decades, that both the severe drought in Texas and the flooding from a horrific deluge is the product of anthropogenic climate change.

Texas Republicans, both teabagger and mainstream types alike, always find a reason to deprive other Americans in every other state of their own taxpayer money; including money and taxpayer-funded resources specifically earmarked for disaster relief. That being the case, it is long past time for all Texas voters to figure out why Republicans think that Texans deserve even one stinking cent of taxpayer-funded disaster relief assistance. Texans want to secede, go it alone, and even elected a governor that called up the state militia to surveil the U.S. army, Air Force, Navy, and Marines to prevent an alleged assault and takeover.  Maybe the Lone Star state just sucks air and deals with the disaster on its own, without a penny of federal government assistance; it will be their long-desired opportunity to see their cherished 10th Amendment “federalism” in all its glory.

Or they can swallow their “Texas-size” pride, create an open letter to Americans who believe in such a thing as a “United” States of America and beg forgiveness for being secession-minded malcontents and end the letter with a humble apology to the country for being anti-federal government everything except disaster assistance for Texas. Most of all, they better start beseeching their almighty for forgiveness for electing Republicans who oppose helping other Americans in other states during their time of need, and then have the unmitigated hypocritical gall to demand the rest of the nation step up and fund disaster relief for Texas; the ‘special’ state that believes it is an awe-inspiring sovereign nation but not sovereign enough to handle a “little” rain courtesy of anthropogenic climate-change.

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