SNL Cold Open: You Can’t Mess With Joe Biden

SNL’s cold open featured Democrats, administration officials, and celebrities all touting the incredible physical feats of Joe Biden.

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SNL’s version of Karine Jean-Pierre ran down Biden’s morning schedule, “Pleasure to be with you to talk about the most vigorous man I’ve ever known, Joe Biden. I was just with him, and behind closed doors, he’s a whirlwind. Look at his schedule. 7:00 AM, soul cycle class, and he leads it: 8:30 AM, play speed chess in the park. 8:32 AM wins chess game, points at the opponent, and says next time, young blood. 9:30 AM, meet with joint chiefs for a military strategy meeting and pushup contest. 10:02 AM Wins contest, points at the head of the joint chiefs, and says, next time, young blood. Then, train time. That’s all before a lunch where he eats five whole chickens and a raw potato.”

Then DHS Secretary Mayorkas told his Biden tale, “I was just with him, and behind closed doors, he’s a dynamo. This weekend, we went down to the border town of Brownsville, Texas, and Joe went into beast mode. He said, we got to tighten this border, then he Parkored up to the top of the border wall, front flipped into the Rio Grande, and came back up with a fish in his mouth. But you didn’t report that because it doesn’t fit your little narrative.”

Draymond Green claimed that Biden has that old man monkey strength and windmill dunked on him. He concluded his bit with, “You don’t mess with Joe.”

SNL Dana Bash said that Democrats don’t have to exaggerate about Biden because everyone knows the election’s stakes.

Of course, the joke was that when Joe Biden was brought in via phone, he went to turn the volume up and hung up.

The point was that Democrats don’t have to try so hard to prove Biden’s fitness for the White House, but the reality is that they do.

The New York Times and other corporate media outlets have decided that Biden’s age is the most critical issue in the election. They have been relentlessly running stories about his age and promising to continue to attack the President, so Democrats do need to be on offense about Biden’s age because they can’t risk that people fully understand the threat and won’t fall for the media framing.

It was a funny cold open, but these opens still aren’t to the level of the parodies of Trump.

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Jason is the managing editor. He is also a White House Press Pool and a Congressional correspondent for PoliticusUSA. Jason has a Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science. His graduate work focused on public policy, with a specialization in social reform movements.

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