Joe Biden

SNL Cold Open: You Can’t Mess With Joe Biden

SNL’s cold open featured Democrats, administration officials, and celebrities all touting the incredible physical feats of Joe Biden.

SNL’s version of Karine Jean-Pierre ran down Biden’s morning schedule, “Pleasure to be with you to talk about the most vigorous man I’ve ever known, Joe Biden. I was just with him, and behind closed doors, he’s a whirlwind. Look at his schedule. 7:00 AM, soul cycle class, and he leads it: 8:30 AM, play speed chess in the park. 8:32 AM wins chess game, points at the opponent, and says next time, young blood. 9:30 AM, meet with joint chiefs for a military strategy meeting and pushup contest. 10:02 AM Wins contest, points at the head of the joint chiefs, and says, next time, young blood. Then, train time. That’s all before a lunch where he eats five whole chickens and a raw potato.”

Then DHS Secretary Mayorkas told his Biden tale, “I was just with him, and behind closed doors, he’s a dynamo. This weekend, we went down to the border town of Brownsville, Texas, and Joe went into beast mode. He said, we got to tighten this border, then he Parkored up to the top of the border wall, front flipped into the Rio Grande, and came back up with a fish in his mouth. But you didn’t report that because it doesn’t fit your little narrative.”

Draymond Green claimed that Biden has that old man monkey strength and windmill dunked on him. He concluded his bit with, “You don’t mess with Joe.”

To get more stories like this, subscribe to our newsletter The Daily.

SNL Dana Bash said that Democrats don’t have to exaggerate about Biden because everyone knows the election’s stakes.

Of course, the joke was that when Joe Biden was brought in via phone, he went to turn the volume up and hung up.

The point was that Democrats don’t have to try so hard to prove Biden’s fitness for the White House, but the reality is that they do.

The New York Times and other corporate media outlets have decided that Biden’s age is the most critical issue in the election. They have been relentlessly running stories about his age and promising to continue to attack the President, so Democrats do need to be on offense about Biden’s age because they can’t risk that people fully understand the threat and won’t fall for the media framing.

It was a funny cold open, but these opens still aren’t to the level of the parodies of Trump.

A Special Message From PoliticusUSA

If you are in a position to donate purely to help us keep the doors open on PoliticusUSA during what is a critical election year, please do so here. 

We have been honored to be able to put your interests first for 14 years as we only answer to our readers and we will not compromise on that fundamental, core PoliticusUSA value.

Recent Posts

The Hush Money Trial Is Breaking Donald Trump

Trump broke down over the gag order and ranted about how cold the courtroom is,…

1 hour ago

Just 1 Protester Shows Up To Support Trump At Manhattan Court

Trump is angry that no one is showing up to support him at his criminal,…

2 hours ago

Judge Tells Trump’s Lawyer He’s Losing All Credibility with the Court

Donald Trump's lawyers couldn't defend their client's actions, so they resorted to claiming that it…

6 hours ago

Trump Is Throwing A Fit Because He Thinks Cops Are Scaring Away His MAGA Protesters

Before the gag order violation hearing, Trump went on a political rant because he was…

6 hours ago

The Free Fall Has Begun For Donald Trump

A new Marist Poll confirms what other polling has shown over the last few weeks.…

7 hours ago

Biden Campaign Devastates Trump Ahead Of President’s Florida Reproductive Rights Speech

In a call with reporters, the Biden campaign sent Trump reeling on the abortion issue…

11 hours ago