An Open Letter from the GOP to Working Class White Men



Editor’s note: The following article is satire.


I’m a proud Democrat, but in the spirit of bipartisanship I have a message from the GOP for working class white men: “We’ll make women miserable enough to marry anyone. Even you.”


Dear Working Class White Men,

We Republicans understand what you need, and we’re here to help.

For example, we know that as a potential mate, women find you about as attractive as a hairball on the bedroom rug. Oh, you’re probably not ugly and we’re sure you can still wear the jeans you wore in high school if you slip the waistband down a bit. Most of you are also nice enough to get first dates.

And then she finds out what you earn, and it’s “Well thanks for the evening, no I’ll pay for my own dinner, sure you can call, no I’m busy tomorrow, sorry.”

We know this because Phyllis Schlafly said so:

Another fact is the influence of hypergamy, which means that women typically choose a mate (husband or boyfriend) who earns more than she does. Men don’t have the same preference for a higher-earning mate.

While women prefer to HAVE a higher-earning partner, men generally prefer to BE the higher-earning partner in a relationship. This simple but profound difference between the sexes has powerful consequences for the so-called pay gap.

Suppose the pay gap between men and women were magically eliminated. If that happened, simple arithmetic suggests that half of women would be unable to find what they regard as a suitable mate.

Obviously, I’m not saying women won’t date or marry a lower-earning men, only that they probably prefer not to. If a higher-earning man is not available, many women are more likely not to marry at all.

We’ve been listening to her for decades, so we know she knows what women want. But it’s not just her. A couple of weeks ago the Heritage Foundation hosted a panel last month, and all three women agreed that women really just want to get married and have babies:

“It’s not cave woman thinking: women know because of the nature of their bodies, because they carry and raise children, that they need support and protection during that time. The happiest women find that protection,” Mona Charen, a syndicated columnist, told an audience at Heritage’s Washington offices at an event marking the end of Women’s History Month. “Millions of women have taken feminist advice and it’s led to unparalleled misery.”

Let’s face it, the days of manufacturing jobs that pay decent wages for ordinary guys with high school diplomas are over, and you’re being left behind. Women are more likely to attend and graduate from college, in part because job prospects are really bleak for women without college degrees. So they’re more willing to take college loans and they’re taking over professions like accounting and financial services, insurance agents and claims adjusters, medical science and management, veterinary medicine, human resources, business operations, budget analysis, psychology, advertising, and nursing and education.

Meanwhile you’re stocking shelves or slinging burgers for minimum wage or maybe a little more, if you can find a job. Obviously we can’t support raising the minimum wage and we don’t want you to organize a union to negotiate for higher pay, because freedom.

Still, you want to get married, and we want to help. That’s why we oppose paycheck fairness. That’s also why we want to cut funding for food stamps and Head Start and child care and the Pell Grants women use to get college degrees. We also want to shame women who want to end pregnancies, and let bosses decide if women’s insurance should cover birth control. In fact, we’re trying to roll back all the ways women have come to rely on Uncle Sugar instead of a husband.

We also opposed the Violence Against Women Act and we want to make it harder to get divorced, because if some woman says “I do” … you should be able to keep her.

So, working class white men, we Republicans really are on your side. We figure if we make women miserable enough, they’ll marry anyone. Even you.

You’re welcome.

17 Replies to “An Open Letter from the GOP to Working Class White Men”

  1. Ms. Brown, that was such a very eloquently written article that the only thing I can say is that I am glad I am not a republican male. Bravo!

  2. I hadnt thought of it that way. Cut wages, force women to marry and play quiverful. Make sure women dont make it worth their while to work.


  3. You can have ignorance, or freedom. Never both. Next up: unemployed Americans taking manufacturing jobs overseas. If private prison inmates aren’t first. THAT’s a cheery thought! Busted for weed, open beds in Saudi prisons…of course you have to WORK to pay the cost of your upkeep. Dickens deja vu.

    They HAVE to to feed their families. And they have to buy insurance. Very, very, very important to have ‘insurance.’ MUST BUY insurance!!!!!

  4. Perhaps this advice was practical in the 1950’s but just look what happened when the daughters of those women who went to college to get their “MRS.” degree realized that their mothers wasted their educations and became “the little woman” with no regard to their own self worth. We are no better than the Taliban if we begin telling girls & young women that their only function is to be someone’s wife. While motherhood will always be the greatest joy of being a woman, marriage is not always wanted or needed. Like my friend and I say “I’m not Lucy or Ethal, I earn my own paycheck and can take care of myself.” These are traits that I hope I have given to my daughter and to my son I hope I have given him a respect for women who are self sufficient. PS I have been happily married for 28 years.

  5. Even Lucy and Ethel went out and had jobs to pay for extras. My mom always worked typing labels for Smucker’s between Thanksgiving and Christmas so she had money to buy presents for six kids. Dad worked in a nonunion factory and we barely covered necessities with his wages (and he worked far more than a 40 hour week.) My grandparents came down to Ohio on the train from Michigan for three weeks to watch us and cook dinner. Mom went back to work full-time when I was 16 and my youngest sibling was 8. She wanted us to be able to attend college. Four of us did, and we four are all still working 40 plus years later. Mom worked into her 70’s. Work is not evil, Phyllis. I raised two kids…and yes, my daughter has a law degree and is not supporting her husband, who is between jobs. Big deal. I want to know who has been harmed by feminism exactly. My Mom was able to leave two bad marriages because she had skills. Funny how the rich white woman wants to preach to the rest of us.

  6. Phyllis Schafly is a relic from even before the 1950’s. I love how she presumes to speak for all women, even at the point of claiming that all women want motherhood and claiming that all women want men who make more than they do. It’s called willful stupidity because she deliberately ignores not only the women on the front lines fighting for equal pay, but also the men who are our allies. This letter is a bitingly sarcastic indictment of the GOP’s regressive mindset not only about women but about their contempt for the working class white men who support them.

  7. Schafly is a lawyer, An idiot, but a trained attorney nonetheless. She left her kids in others care while she “worked” against women. The woman is a lying hypocrite who has done nothing to help women, but did find more ways to make them miserable or feel guilty. She’s evil and wrong and been saying the same shit since she became known in the early 70s.

  8. There are several “mysteries” that surround the persona known as, “Phyllis Schafly”‘

    First of all, she claims to have been raised in poverty, living in a basement apartment in St Louis, huddled around a radio listening to evangelicals telling people how the world was going to end (the Depression/WW2). Then, and all the sudden, she’s accepted to Washington University law school! Huh?? Then, she marries a small town lawyer (Alton, Ill.) and immediately goes to work for a law firm in San Francisco–she flew TWA every week, round trip, spent weekends with her 4 kids (1 gay; he doesn’t count )and hubby. Her travel schedule looked like a rock band on tour…

    There is nothing about this woman that is remotely possible or authentically true. She’s some kind of weird predatory creature that knows her way around the underpinnings of law/politics and theatrical cons. Sort of like Amy Adam’s character in “American Hustle”.

  9. Robyn,

    If your comment “must buy insurance” is snark, fine.

    If it is NOT and you are against health insurance, please explain WHY.

  10. Shiva,

    Speaking of slavery – over the 40 years I’ve been working in attorney’s offices, there are countless women who work just for the health insurance.

    They actually make no profit for their efforts as they have to pay for childcare, but they need the job with insurance; attorneys are known for generous healthcare benefits, and their husbands work at jobs where no insurance was offered, or too expensive to cover their family of four. That is pathetic and wrong-headed and the ACA is a huge help for millions.

  11. Or they can follow the republican path and just leach off the rest of us. Yes, you must buy insurance. Of course you could move to CUBA, I hear the healthcare is excellent and it’s free, something I’m sure you would love.

  12. One thing that is clear is that she is the archetypal queen bee, who has to destroy all potential (as she sees it) rivals, before they can emerge. And you’re right. Her background needs to be examined.

  13. Health insurance is great – being forced by government to purchase it is illegal. (Obamacare is only legal as a TAX the judge purposely left the rest open to let us fight the principle.)

    Read your history book, look up German Socialized Healthcare. Follow the steps it took to achieve total control – and exactly who had to be eliminated because they are a burden to the system. If you love Obamacare so much – I hope that you are rich, mega-healthy and mid-east origin.

  14. Hey dumbass you open a history book. German Socialized Healthcare was instituted under Bismarck. So stop with your homeschooled bullshit. Dummy

  15. Look at those loveless marriages. Either the women or men turn into druggies or alcoholics, get caught kissing their aides in a hall (all the while praising Jesus and family values), or are getting some on the side because (he or she doesn’t understand me). if you marry for money, that is all you get, period. Get to know someone, then marry them, but for love, as money is for both after the wedding.

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