Rush Limbaugh’s white haired army of senility has rushed to Amazon to pre-order his children’s book, thus insuring that a wave of disappointment will sweep across American kiddom this holiday season.
Rush Limbaugh explained why he wrote the book on his radio show:
I have been frustrated, as have you, over what kids are learning in school, at all schools, at all levels, but primarily in their really formative years. Elementary school, on into middle school and high school. I’ve talked about it a lot here, how we’ve lost our presence in education, academia, and in the pop culture. And every one of us always ask of ourselves, “What can I do? What more can I do?” And I’ve always wanted to do something about education, so this book is an effort to get started, and it is written for children, it’s a children’s book, ages 10 to 13, but it is intended for everybody. It’s intended for parents and grandparents.
I was talking to Snerdley today about the concept of Rush Babies. A Rush Baby is somebody who grew up with their parents having this radio program on every day and didn’t get talked out of it when they got to school. They remained Rush Babies all the way through school. And how many of you parents believe what you believe, it’s in your hearth, you live your life that way, and you want to be able to instruct your kids in that but you’re not sure that you’re going to be able to do it, and frankly if you say, “Well, look, you ought to listen to this guy on the radio with me.”
“Come on, Dad, I don’t want to listen to talk radio. Give me some Jay-Z or whatever. I don’t want talk radio, Dad, I want video games.” So here comes a way — you know, parents are never right, folks. Mom and dad never have the right answers, particularly at a certain age. So here comes Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims, Rush Revere time travels, his horse, Liberty time travels, can go anywhere in American history, anywhere they want, any time. They can take people with them. And in this book they time travel back to Holland. Then they get on the Mayflower. They get off the Mayflower. Come back to present day. Then they go back to the Mayflower a couple of weeks later, see what’s changed. Come back to present day, ’cause the Rush Revere character who is the icon for Two If By Tea brought to life now is a substitute teacher at a middle school anywhere in America.
What Limbaugh was talking about sounds a lot like indoctrination. Rush is literally trying to keep people stupid and misinformed from the cradle to the grave. (By the way, I am fairly certain that there is no such thing as Rush Babies. I suspect that in many states making your youngster listen to Rush Limbaugh could be considered a form of child abuse.)
The average Rush Limbaugh listener is 66 years old, so here is a message to all the grandparents out there who are thinking about giving this book to their grandchildren.
Don’t do it. Seriously, don’t do it.
Here is how this scene will play out if you give them this book:
Jimmy wakes up on Christmas morning hoping for a PS4. He eagerly goes to the family room in search of the present that has been the center of kid obsession for months. He rips open the package that says, “To Jimmy, here is the gift you’ve always wanted.” Jimmy looks at the book. Gets a puzzled look on his face, and mutters, “A book.” The next words out of his mouth as tosses the book over his shoulder where it lands precariously close to the fireplace will be, “What’s a Rush Limbaugh?”
Don’t believe me? Check out this video:
There are a lot of great books you could give a child for their birthday or Christmas, but the historically inaccurate ramblings of college dropout former drug addict who is trying to make sure that Little Jimmy never passes social studies isn’t one of them.
The childhood trauma associated with getting this book could turn your grandbabies into same sex marriage supporting, atheistic Democrats. They will never forget their disappointment, and they will take out their frustration by rejecting everything that you and Rush Limbaugh stand for.
There is about to be an epidemic of disappointment sweeping the country this holiday season, as Rush Limbaugh’s book is about to replace a lump of coal as a child’s least favorite gift.