Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) disagreed with the San Francisco 49ers’ (her home team) decision to let defensive end Ray McDonald play Sunday even though he is being investigated for physically attacking his pregnant fiancée after being arrested on suspicion of felony domestic violence.
Via NBC News:
“No,” Pelosi said Wednesday when asked if McDonald should have been able to play. “Now our coach says, innocent until proven guilty, due process and all of that, but the fact is he shouldn’t have played.”
Pelosi is an avid 49ers fan, and had to pay up on a bet she made with the Washington state congressional delegation in January when the Seattle Seahawks beat San Francisco in the NFC Championship game.
“We have to recognize that sports figures are in a special place in our country and young people look up to them as heroes in what they do,” Pelosi said.To get more stories like this, subscribe to our newsletter The Daily.
The 49ers coach cited due process as the reason they were not going to “flinch” or bend to the public’s will. That might be admirable, were the NFL stock full of an actual honor code of some sort that frowned on physically, socially, and financially powerful men assaulting women (e.g., Carolina Panther defensive end Greg Hardy) and children (e.g., Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson). But they do not.
Coach Taylor types are sadly missing-in-action for the NFL. It was Friday Night Light’s Eric Taylor who told the young football players he was coaching: “A man takes care of his wife.” And: “Women are to be respected.”
Is this what care and respect look like?
The Bleacher Report pointed out, “According to the invaluable NFL Arrests Database, compiled by U-T San Diego, the 49ers are in a tie for second for most arrests and citations “more serious than speeding tickets” since that date—not precisely the list the team was aiming to top.” So it’s not as if the coach can rely upon a great reputation in granting leeway to his arrested player.
Mercury News reported that the police said that an investigation found that “the domestic violence allegation was substantiated.”
At some point, McDonald and his fiancee got into an altercation, which resulted in her sustaining bruises on her neck and arms. The Bee cited a police source as saying McDonald’s fiancee is 10 weeks pregnant.
This kind of partner assault goes on every day in the US. Three women a day are murdered by an intimate partner. The violence escalates when a woman is pregnant. The laws put on the books to deal with this fact have too often not been used to prosecute the predator as intended, but have been used selectively to prosecute women for harming the fetus.
The main reason we need to change the way we speak about partner assault is that the perpetrators are a very small percentage of men. This is not something most men support or condone. In fact, quite the opposite. Yet our culture rallies behind the alleged perpetrators until an undeniable and horrifying video is published, as exemplified by the Ray Rice elevator video release.
So while the 49ers coach has a good point about due process, we also have a responsibility to change the message we are sending perpetrators. Right now, the message is that their player’s reputation is the most precious commodity. But the victim’s physical safety should be our first priority.
We should honor a person’s life and safety first, and treat them accordingly — sending a message that they matter. If they matter, then what message does it send to let a player who has been arrested for assaulting his pregnant girlfriend play? In what way does benching imply guilt or stop due process? Is it possibly unfair? Yes. But so are being choked, hit, punched, and spat on.
The 49ers coach is sending his player the wrong message. He is saying that his player is entitled to the benefit of the doubt even after the police investigation found the charges to be substantiated. The Stop Violence Against Women lethality assessment finds a relationship between a sense of entitlement and the lethality of violence, “Some men who batter believe that their wives or partners belong to them. A batterer who believes he is absolutely entitled to his female partner, her services, her obedience and her loyalty is likely to be life endangering.” This sense of entitlement needs to be condemned instead of enforced.
We need to stop asking why she stays (especially given that “women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by their batterers than those who stay”) and instead ask the perpetrator why he assaulted someone he is supposed to love and cherish. No matter who the perpetrator is.
There is an epidemic of violence against women and children and it won’t stop until good people make it a priority and refuse to accept it as some sort of collateral damage expected from powerful institutions and people. If there is just one reason we need more women at the table in Congress, it’s because at times like this, there are too few to speak to the unique experiences of women.
Leader Pelosi took a brave stand today for the safety of women all over the country. She honored their lives as more important than a game. A man takes care of his wife; he does not assault her. This is basic.
Imagine if more powerful people took the same stand as Leader Pelosi.
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Sarah has been credentialed to cover President Barack Obama, then VP Joe Biden, 2016 Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, and exclusively interviewed Speaker Nancy Pelosi multiple times and exclusively covered her first home appearance after the first impeachment of then President Donald Trump.
Sarah is two-time Telly award winning video producer and a member of the Society of Professional Journalists.
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