And yes, you can blame the Republicans for that.
God caused global warming, says dimwitted Republican Congressman Jeff Miller of Florida. Yeah, 99 percent of climate scientists say anthropogenic global warming is real but it turns out it’s just God.
Phew! For a minute, I thought we were goners.
Bazinga! It was just one of God’s zany pranks, and we fell for it.
What a wild and crazy sky god!
Well we don’t need the EPA anymore!
“I will tell you this,” said Miller. “I will defund the E.P.A.”
There you go!
Besides, even though it gets hotter every year, with 2000 to 2009 being the warmest decade on record, David Barton says “Global warming occurs but we haven’t had it in sixteen years.”
I’m sure everything will be okay then and we can go back to polluting without thought. Yep, nothing to be seen here. Move along.
And man oh man, have I had it with dinosaurs and cave men palling around and floods forming Grand Canyons and now we’re being told dragons were honest-to-God for real.
Darek Isaacs has written a book about it: Dragons or Dinosaurs. “The Bible speaks about dragons,” and this book, we are told, “confirms biblical authority and demolishes the theory of evolution.”
Yeah. Turns out we get our myths about dragons from – you guessed it – the caveman’s best friend: the dinosaur. How did science ever overlook that!
And look at this great film he has made:
If dragons in fact were entirely mythological, if they were a figment of the imagination, and if they never ever did exist, then God just compared our adversary to a make-believe creature that never existed.
See? How hard was that you silly secularists, placing your trust in science and observable fact! Only Commies care about facts!
Our authority — everything we do we have to measure by the word of God, that is what I believe. So, we have to go to the Bible, and the Bible speaks about dragons.
And if you go to the website, you can even download a free study guide, “ideal for homeschooling or bible study groups.”
The more science discovers about how the universe works, the more regressive Republican thinking becomes. This trend is observable and repeatable.
Honestly, I’m surprised the 20th century didn’t do them in but somehow they survived all that century’s advances and still they’re charging pell-mell into the 13th century while the rest of us look forward to eking through this one somehow with air to breathe, water to drink – but not enough to make breathing difficult.
You know, God’s zany rising sea levels.
So the 21st century was just a big mistake. Let’s just accept our lot in life, get rid of all that evil technology that is a result of science we no longer need – except for your roof! Everyone knows roofs were invented to keep all those birds God likes to zap when he gets pissed from falling on your head.
Enjoy the 13th century my friends. Good, good times.